Friday. December 12. T 997
The editorial staff has decided to Ughten up the tone of this month’s
Clarion in light of the pending exams. Hence, this vain attempt to find and
publish clean humor. Some Lists and Jokes I found on the internet to be particu
larly amusing are presented. So without further adieu...
ACTUAL AJWOUNCEMENTSTAKENFROMPRESBYTERIAN CHURCH
BULLETINS
1. Don’t let worry kill you — let the church help.
2. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
4. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
5. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David - Alan
Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the
church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
7. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will
please come early.
8. Wednesday, the ladies’ Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing, “Put me
in My Little Bed” accompanied by the pastor.
9. Thursday at 5:00 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All
wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.
10. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an
egg on the altar.
11. The service will close with “Little Drops of Water.” One of the ladies will start
quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
12. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new
carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward
and do so.
13. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be
seen in the church basement Friday.
14. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will
follow.
15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?”Come
early and listen to our choir practice.
Features
iC.
Stress Management
by Amber Jefferies —
^ Stressed about exams?
progress and the crunch .s upon us. Many people have
when U IS exam time, and that is why I am here to ^elP
stress is very simple, and there are many different ways that you could appro
*Takedeepbreaths*Exercise^Pray*Takewaj™ba^^^^^^^^^^^
Listen to music like Enya * Get a massage Take ong ^ Create
on your back, cross your arms over your chest and c ^ j ^
quiet surroundings at home to study in * Move^ ^wa^^ yourself,
you enjoy * Drink pure spring water, lots ^
instead of everyone else * Stay away from nega P ^ ^ ^ lot of
there be a “no” * Care for your soul * Drink liquids but stay away
it in sessions. Study for about an
While studying for your exams, orocess until your studying
hour then take a 15 minute break. Keep repea i g becomes
is done. If you try to study for an exam, non-s p, to every-
cluttered, and you may forget everything yo stressed,
one during exam time, and remember you are not the only
Everyone becomes stressed once in a while.
“Before I came to college I wish I had
known...”
I .That it didn’t matter how late I sched
uled my first class, I’d sleep right through
it.
2.That I could change so much and
barely realize it.
3.That you can love a lot of people in a
lot of different ways.
4.That college kids throw airplanes too.
5.That if you wear polyester everyone
will ask you why you’re so dressed up.
6.That every clock on campus shows
a different time.
7.That if you were smart in high
school—so what?
S.That I would go to a party the night
before a final.
9.That chem labs require more time than
all my classes put together.
10.That you can know everything and
fail a test.
II .That you can know nothing and ace
a test.
12.That I could get used to almost any
thing I found out about my roommate.
13.That home is a great place to visit.
14.That most of my education would
be obtained outside of my classes.
1 S.That friendship is more than getting
drunk together.
16.That I would be one of those people
my parents warned me about.
n.That free food served until 10:00 is
gone by 9:50.
1 S.That Sunday is a figment of the
world’s imagination.
19.That Psychology is really Biology,
20.That Biology is really
Chemistry,That Chemistry is really Phys
ics, and Physics is really Math.
21 .That my parents would become so
much smarter in the last few years.
22.That it’s possible to be alone even
when you are surrounded by friends
23 .That friends are what makes this
place worthwhile!!
A song about exams from an internet
forward.....
you get a better effect if you actually
sing it..
sing to the tune of “I will survive “
“I will survive (College Version)
At first I was afraid
Now I’m petrified
That I can’t keep my GPA of 2.5
I spent all those stupid nights
Chilling way to long
and that was wrong
But now I must be strong
And now they’re back
They’re in my face
3 finals and 2 papers
To be done in just 5 days
I shouldn’t have gone out
I shouldn’t have partied
‘cause now all this work I have
is piling up on me
And I must go
to the library
to do research on those papers
And, yes I must study
It’s a mess. I’ll tell you that
and you know it’s not a lie
But I can’t crumble
can’t lay down and die
Oh no not I!
I will survive!
If I keep a 2 point 0
At least I’ll be alive!
I’ve got five more days to live
and I think my brain will give
But I’ll survive!
I will survive!
rhe Progressive Art Studies class ha:
ivrapped this tree as an environmenta
itatement. Photo by Yearbook staff.