Newspapers / The Guilfordian (Greensboro, N.C.) / April 1, 1998, edition 1 / Page 3
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The Goofordian April 1,1998 Milner hall self-destructs BY ELLEN YUTZY In charge of the world Milner hall was registered a com plete loss Monday after faulty plumbing in the laundry room filled the entire dorm with water. The pipes had been a prob lem for some time, but because the wa ter damage had been confined to the laun dry room, no action to fix them was ever taken. Broken heating also contributed to the disaster. After the water filled the residence hall and forced the evacuation of all the residents, the water froze. As the water turned to ice, the expansion that occurred split the walls at the seams. "I've never seen anything like this," said Anthony Huey, captain of the Greensboro Fire department which is rou tinely called in to handle disasters. Firefighters on the scene administered first aid to the students involved. Most of the students requiring attention were treated for shock. "Man ... that was incredible ... re ally neat... At first I though I was dream Illicit substances March 20, 4:20 p.m.: Security discovered a group of student smok ing illicit substances in the meadows area. Substances were "confis cated" by security. Increased pa trols of the meadows area for the purposes of "confiscation" will likely occur.' Harassing phone calls March 22, 10:45 p.m.: A call was received by a Guilford student irate over a group of students from Roanoke Bible College who were al legedly heckling Guilford College stu dents concerning the superiority of Roanoke's party scene. Bored security officer March 24, 11:00 p.m.: A group of students stnding outside of Bryan were handed judicial charges by a security officer who "just felt like it." The students will face Guil ford College's harshest penalty: be ing interviewed on WQFS's Guilforum by Mike Filoramo. ing ... or hallucinating ... man...," said an unidentified Milner resident, who ap peared slightly glassy-eyed (from the shock, of course). Some residents weren't as sur prised by the disaster. "The laundry rooms in Milner have needed fixing for a long time," said Leigh Walzer. Residential life could not be reached for comment. Rescuers on the scene fear that George Segebade may be frozen in the block of ice still filling the lower half of the dorm. Unless he displays goldfish-like characteristics when thawed back out, Segebade may be the only casualty in this disaster. Students are being housed as best a possible in nearby hotels and vacant rooms on campus. Boren lounge, the Gallery, and the YMCA are also being used for temporary lodging. Construction on a new Milner hall is scheduled to start on January 2, 2000. Art Gillis refuses to let Guilford finance two buildings at once, so until the new science building is completed, students will have to make do. Security March 25, 2:30 a.m.: A num ber of fatalities were reported, as apparently a group of tree-hugging hippies got too close to that Dark Side girl:-- . March 27, 7:00 p.m.: Guards were dispatched to investigate re ports of strange noises emanating from Shore Hall. The guards dis covered a group of womyn attempt ing to Riverdance, and were imme diately struck dumb by the awesome power of Michael Flatley. Lighthouse office in use March 29, 8:00 a.m.: A secu rity guard alleged that he spotted a light on in the office of the Light house. He also insinuated that he saw actual human beings in there, but Director of Security Sylvia Chilcott reported that there were "some things I just won't believe." All involved parties have been re ferred to Lou Fike. News Goth attack Riverdancing UNION VOX! BYJENN WINGO! Union president! Well, it's a big fat two or three weeks until Serendipity, and at our last staff meeting we decided we should start planning for it!! We figure that with such a head start, we should be able to get someone really cool like Edwin McCain! Our motto for this year is going to be: "Even phatter than Cravin" Melon!" So, what we thought we would do is this: if you'd like to be on Seren dipity committee, just contact Owen Finberg! He's in charge of Serendip ity! Can you believe that?! Now we thought we would take a brief moment to count the atten dance at Union events this year: one! OK, that's great! We really want to thank everyone for all their support this year! As long as we're on the subject of the year in review, let's take a look back at some of the events that have made this year a great one for Union! Sign up now! Spaces remain for students to pre-register for the following fall 1998 classes: Elementary.forensic science: Lecture topics will include, "What to do with physical evidence that probably has fingerprints on it." Prerequisite: at least one semester as a Guilford College security guard. Whining 101: Under the new curriculum, this class is a requirement that must be fulfilled by all Guilford main campus students. Intro, to PageMaker 201: Led by world-renowned and former award-winning high school journalist Nate Parsons (TA'd by an upbeat Bill Blevins), this class will introduce the student to the wonders of newspaper layout. Space is limited due to the popularity of the professor. Comedic writing 400: The art of the humorous security report will be discussed in this high-level English class. Subjects will include "How to use the phrase, 'The doll is now in the custody of security," without cracking a smile." Back in September we had the (a)rousing Go Naked to the Caf Day! We especially appreciate Don McNemar's participation! As the leaves turned, so did the Union events! In October, there was the memorable "Come Dressed as Your Favorite Cheesecake" Hallow een celebration! We hope that Colin McFadden-Roan has treasured his award for "Fluffiest Cheesecake!" Certainly we will always re member our Thanksgiving coffee house! Jacob Noble's one-act play "How The Guilfordian persecuted the Indians" was a special treat! Well, that's pretty much all the events that we've done this year! It might appear that they were all in the fall semester, and perhaps that's true! However, obviously you crazy people just don't understand what a major burden it is to have to think about possibly planning for Serendip ity at some point in the next two months! Technology in the 20th century: A substantial amount of time will be spent on the tremendous contribution to American society of the smart card. Students must possess a working knowledge of campus laundry machines to be admitted. Basic economics 250: Taught by Don McNemar, this class will include a segment focusing on "How to create a budget that will satisfy no one." Japanese Culture 400: Everyone wanted to be Japanese? Really Japanese? Now you can be! This class, taught by David Bamhill, instructs students how to become a Japanese person. Prerequisite: Students must understand the meaning of the term '"Monkey King." Community Building 250: In this class, students will sit in a circle and talk about anything they want to. Class objective is that everyone leave feeling self-satisfied. Professor will avoid imparting any real knowledge to students. 3
The Guilfordian (Greensboro, N.C.)
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April 1, 1998, edition 1
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