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F E ATU RE S
Community protests phallocentric interpretation of new sculpture
By Ivy Lamb
Affectionately nicknamed the "phallus palace," the new
stickwork sculpture on the quad has garnered attention for its
"It's really cool," said one student, observing the sculpture.
"But it's hard to deny that it looks like a bunch of dicks sprouting
out of the ground."
The sentiment appears to be widely shared. Students from
Community Aids Awareness Project have seized the opportunity
to install giant condoms on the sculpture, as a way of raising
awareness about safe sex practices.
Others, however, are protesting the phallocentric interpretation
of the sculpture.
"It really bothers me that we always assume something
looks like a penis just because it's long and pointy," said junior
Hannah Snow, who is heading up a protest of the sculpture's
new nickname. "I think this interpretation is a manifestation of
our androcentric society and has nothing to do with the sculpture
itself. It's immature and sexist to assume that it (the sculpture)
looks like a bunch of dicks."
Sophomore Mandy Croft agrees. She pointed out that there was
a much more feminine way to view the sculpture.
"The curving shapes at the top actually look like breasts if you
think about it, and the openings are like the mysterious, dark entry
into the vagina," said Croft. "When I walk inside, I feel like I'm
being enclosed by a giant stickwork womb."
While students may never agree about how to interpret the
massive sculpture, the rancor of the debate is thankfully softened
by the general agreement that the sculpture has provided an
excellent new location to smoke a joint.
Civil War ghost opens up about challenges,
rewards of afterlife
Continued from Page I considered becoming a 'mischievous
ghost.' It didn't seem like a viable career
Before serving his country, Lucas option; but now I'm glad that's where my
owned a large plantation. Despite living a so-called 'life' ended up."
comfortable life, he was taken by the idea Lucas wandered about the war hospital
of going to war. in his new-found ghostly body.
"I got bored," said Lucas. "Being on "It was new and exciting," said Lucas,
a battlefield in the crisp air, now that's "I could walk through walls and disappear
thrilling. Also, women can't resist a man and then reappear on a whim."
in uniform ... I mean, that wasn't my main But the excitement wore off Out of
motivation, but it was a perk." boredom, Lucas starting playing tricks on
However, his dream came to a crashing the nurses. Lucas is infamous for turning
halt as a "fresh fish." Lucas was shot in on and off lights in Dana, as well as locking
the thigh, and then
again in the arm.
Lucas was taken
to a nearby war
is built over.
"I was knocked
into a cocked hat,"
Lucas said. "I'd
before. Got shot in
the arm last time,
but it went straight
through and I
"Becoming a ghost really
allowed me to get in touch
with my inner-child,"
Lucas, Dana Auditorium ghost
ghost really allowed
me to get in touch
with my inner-
child," said Lucas.
"I was mischievous
as a young boy,
body behind has
me to accept my
true calling as a
didn't have to worry about anything, prankster."
This time, I had to muster up some grit. Lucas has since been wandering around
Thinking about how a few good war Dana Auditorium.
wounds would add to my image helped." "It never gets old," Lucas said as he got
Unfortunately for Lucas, these wounds up and floated towards the door. "I don't
gave him a fatal infection. Looking back, plan to change careers anytime soon,
he doesn't regret it though. There's too much good I can do for the
"It was time for a change," said Lucas. Guilford community."
"1 was tired of all the guts, blood, and With those final words, Lucas turned off
dirt of battle. I have to admit that I never the lights and disappeared.
Speaker inspires students to
By Sage Donpineo
On March 21, Robert Doze came to
Guilford to conduct workshops about the
joys of being idle. Student Recovery, a
new club on campus, recruited him to give
pointers about how students can relax in
the midst of their exhausting schedules.
The event, titled "Envisioning Freedom
through Laziness," was sponsored as part
of an ongoing effort by Student Recovery
to get students in touch with their core
value of procrastination.
"This is a very important event for this
community," said Student Recovery Presi
dent Zen Smith. "Stress is a deadly killer
and we've been working hard to raise
awareness about its insidious effects. It
also ties into Student Recovery's theme
for this year, 'Idleness and Beyond.'"
The event took place in Dana Audito
rium. Doze set the tone for the evening
when he walked onto the stage wearing a
"It's the perfect outfit for doing noth
ing!" said Doze. "I'm here tonight to talk
about how those pesky aspirations of
yours are bringing you down and getting
in the way of your free time."
The event focused on utilizing laziness
to access the joys of life, as opposed to liv
ing a stressful life that is scheduled down
to the last minute, according to Doze.
The workshop ranged over many top
ics. Highlights included specific tips for
maximizing free time through procrasti
"We aren't born lazy," said Doze. "It
takes dedication to become a master. For
example, during my undergraduate career,
I chose to do a presentation on procrastina
tion. When it was time for me to present, I
walked into that class empty-handed, and
told the class: 'My project was on procrasti
nation. Unfortunately, I forgot about it until
"Well, folks, I received an A on that proj
ect. If I had spent 3 weeks on that project,
I probably would have gotten a B-. In this
culture, we're taught that laziness is evil,
but sometimes trying to do things the way
society expects us to causes more stress
then the thing itself. It's not the paper that's
stressing you out, it's the due date."
The evening turned out to be an amaz
ing success, stimulating conversation and
inspiring action on an issue that affects all
"I have a lot to think about," said sopho
more Taylor Jordan. "I always try to do my
papers way in advance, but it's time for a
change. Instead of doing my work as soon
as possible. I'm going to spend that time
looking at kittens on YouTube."
The evening came to a close with the
students meditating on what truly makes
them happy, from getting a solid 10 hours
every night to watching baby animals on
"They say that the early bird catches the
worm," were Doze's closing words. "To
that I say, is a worm really worth the ef