Newspapers / The Charlotte Post (Charlotte, … / Sept. 30, 1993, edition 1 / Page 7
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charlotte ^ost LIFESTYLES 7A THURSDAY September 30,1993 CHARLES FAULKNER Sex Practice Is Viewed As Taboo This column Is a continuation of some of the many letters received on the subject of sex. My responses fol low the letters. 1) "Dear Dr. Faulkner 1 have reason to believe that my girlfriend has herpes because 1 no ticed some sores on certain parts of her body. 1 have two questions: How can I be sure if she has herpes? And, could it have come from somebody else? Mr. K., Buffa- I lo, N.Y." Dear Mr. K: Although you can have sex safely, if you engage in Inter course when herpes is in re mission, a mis take in timing can transmit this hlghly- contaglous dis ease. If you want to know for certain whether your friend has herpes, de mand that she have a physical ex amination by a physician. If she re fuses, you can continue to engage in sex only at your own risk. There is no present cure for herpes, even though there are medicines to treat it. Some people are "carriers," and they can contract the herpes virus without catching it, but they can pass it on to someone else who can catch IL If you are certain that you do not have the virus, it is obvious that your friend picked it up from some one else, if she has it. 2) "Dear Dr. Faulkner You don't get into the sex nitty- gritty in your articles and talk about the realities of sex, such as oral sex. Is oral sex okay? Inquisitive, Daytona Beach, Fla." Dear Inquisitive: Previously, I have focused on the general topic of sex and the most common issues related to it. Recent studies show that 70-90 percent of the population engages in oral sex. As far back as 1948, research done by Kinsey showed that 60 percent of our better-educated citizens indicat ed their occasional participation in oral sex. So, this categoiy of sexual participation is very popular. Many couples Indicate that they engage in oral sex as a means of varying and rejuvenating a dying relationship. Is it okay for one partner to bring the mouth into contact with the genital ia of the other? There is no physical problem, if the two participants are healthy and clean. For unclean peo ple, the danger can be (hsease. The psychological difficulties are anoth er matter, however. Although, many people partici pate in and enjoy oi^ sex, the his torical taboo lingers. Oral sex is re garded as "dirty," "abnormal" and "sub-human." Yet, it is continually practiced by millions of people. The dirty concept originates from the See SEX Page 8A Conference On Disabilities Set What happens from day to day is what is noimal for the Roberts fomily. From ieft to right Charies, 12, Eric, Jenni fer, 10, Amber, 3, and Beverfy. By Cassandra W5nin THE CHARLOTTE POST The Roberts have learned that dreams aren’t neces sarily shattered. They are more often changed or al tered. That's the way parents of children with disabilities have to look at things con tends Beverly Roberts. When her son Charles, 12, was diagnosed at 2 1/2 as being mentally retarded, her first thought was, "How do we live ,with this? Charles is no longer Charles: he becomes Charles with mental ret ardation." She thought upon hearing the diagnosis that she wouldn't be able to die in peace. "My child may not grow up to be independent. Making that transition into adulthood Is an impor tant issue." In time, she learned to put things in per spective. "I have learned things I can change and things I can't. My focus is to give my child skills to be as independent as possible." Having to adjust to being the parent of a disabled child did not end with the diagno sis of mental retardation. When Charles was 5, she was told he was autistic. For some, there is a grief process that parents go through. "You may experi ence the death of the child you thought you had. "There is an adjustment in terms of expectations of fam ily life," Roberts said. 'The trap is that it can become the focus of life. We have bad days Just like everybody else. What's done day to day is normal to me. You have to get out of what's normal." Roberts emphasizes that she still wants what is best for Charles. "I have dreams for him." With two other children, Jennifer, 10, and Amber, 3, Roberts and her husband Eric work hard for structure in their household. "When Charles comes home from school, he has to have activi ties that are structured. Free time for him is hard. We can't be as spontaneous as some families. A family has to look at the needs of the people in that family and go from there." What concerns Roberts is that families with children who are disabled, especial ly minorities, often become isolated. "It is not easy to be a par ent. Disabilities can make people feel uncomfortable. People have to understand we are no stronger than anybody else. Life hits you Just as hard as as it does anybody else. It hurts no matter what race you are." A conference designed for minority parents with dis abled children is being planned for Oct. 23. The conference is being spon sored by the Exceptional Children's Assistance Cen ter (ECAC), a non profit parent organization in Davidson. The purpose of the confer ence is to keep parents from feeling isolated. Often par ents don't know their rights, Robert said. "It's im portant for parents to realize they are not alone." The theme of the conference is "Coming Together." "Over 50 percent of the stu dents who have disabilities in the Charlotte- Mecklenburg Schools are minorities. But the minority parents were not calling the center," said Roberts, who is working at the ECAC part- time. The conference is for par ents of children with any kind of disability, from learning and physical disa bilities to attention deficit disorder, sickle cell disease or mental retardation. "I started like every other parent. I had to learn my rights," Roberts said. "My first attempt at being an ad vocate was with my son's preschool program In Wins ton-Salem. There was no speech therapist, no physi cal therapist. There were things not being done. Par ents were not involved and not getting encouragement. I felt like I had to do some thing. " Photos/PAUL WnXUAMS m Roberts arranged to meet every Friday with the school's director to talk about her son's activities. But not every parent is aware that their children are guaranteed an appro priate education, Roberts said. "Empowerment is knowing your rights. " Roberts described the Oct. 23 conference as "parent friendly." Among the topics to be addressed are parent ing, community resources, and writing educational plans. There is also a spe cial session for fathers. The keynote speaker will be Beth Harry, an assistant professor in the Depart ment of Special Education at the University of Mary land at College Park. "The deadline for regis tration Is Oct. 18. The con ference is free to parents and the cost is $30 for non parents. For information, call the parent informa tion line 1-800-962- 6817. Health Issues On Family Week Agenda By Cassandra Wynn TOE CHARLOTTE POST Health issues will be on the agenda for the 10th annual 'We Are Family Week" that will take place Oct. 11 and 12 at the Government House Hotel on South McDowell Street. 'We wanted to look at strat egies for helping families help themselves," said Dona Patterson, executive director of the Family Outreach and Counseling Center Inc. which is sponsoring the con ference with the Charlotte Area Health Education Cen ter. 'The health issues will Include mental, social as well as physical health. We need to look at the family from a holistic standpoint." Conference organizers ex pect nearly 100 people to at tend. 'We want to talk about prevention more," Patterson said. 'We want to look at the total person to see what will work." The strengths of African American families are im portant to talk about, Patter son said. 'We don't have a lot of people looking at strengths. We see a lot of neg atives about the family. We know our weaknesses." Robert Hill, director of the Institute for Urban Research, will deliver in the keynote address and talk about strengths of the African American family. Patterson said that innova tive approaches to dealing with problems should be looked at. "If people would be honest, they would admit that some traditional ap proaches have not worked. We often try to hold on to them." The controversial approach of segregating black males in schools will be discussed. Spencer Holland, executive di rector of the Center for Edu cating African American Males in Baltimore, will talk about "the epidemic of aca demic failure of the black male," and his radical gender specific approach, Patterson said. Blacks suffer more from se rious health problems than whites, said Neysa Dillon Brown, chairperson of the Family Outreach and Coun seling Center Board of Direc tors. "Given that national health care is a big issue now, the conference comes at a good time. We want to discuss ways that families can become more committed to improv ing their health. We are hop ing to reverse the trends." Barbara Pullen Smith, ex ecutive director of the Office of Minority Health in Ra leigh, will talk about the "gaps in health status for blacks," Patterson said. "She will give an update on the status of AIDS, diabetes, can cer, infant mortality In the black community. She will also ask for assistance in de veloping recommendations in reversing trends." Getting more African Americans in the health care professions is another con cern that will be taken up by conference participants. "Key Information doesn't al- See FAMILY Page 7A Familu Outreach & Counseling Center INSIDE: RELIGION » « « 9A AROUND CHARLOTTE « « «10A CHURCH NEWS « » » lOA
The Charlotte Post (Charlotte, N.C.)
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Sept. 30, 1993, edition 1
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