Friday, April 2,
Dinner Stories
A magician's show (ell rather flat
recently. The magician said : "Now, '
ladies and gentlemen, I will show
you my very latest trick, but to per
form jt I must ask some boy from
the audience to step up here.”
Almost at once a boy arose from
hie place.
“You’ll do,” said the magician. j
The boy married up to the stage.
“Now, my little man,” began the
magiciau, in a loud voice, “you and I
have never seen each other before
have we?” - J
“No, papa,” replied the boy.
Jones was habitually a small eaier,'
and one evening while dining with:
friends his hostess kept insisting Hint!
he was eating nothing.
At last Jones said, ponderously:'
“Mrs. Kindheart, let me assure you
that I sometimes eat more than at
other times, but never less.”
Tramp—Madam, I was not always
thus.
Housewife—No; it was your other,
arm you had in a sling last week.
Mrs. Rabb—Going to the musioalcl
Mrs. Jabb—No! I’ve attended so
many now that I find myself shout
ing every time I start to talk.
A certain colonel was inspecting
the stnbles belonging to a cavalry bar
tracks. All went well until sudden
ly his eagle eye discovered a festoon
yii spiders’ webs.
r "What’s the meaning of this?” he
demanded angrily.
'"Shure sorr,” explained the Irish
sergeant, as lie saluted, "I lave them
there on purpose, to privinet the Hois
taxing til’ horses!” I
I .aura—Could you suggest some
thing suitable for a girl friend's
birthday?
Clerk —How about these book ends?
Laura—Just the thing ! She al
ways reads the ends before she does
the beginnings.
Caller—Did you say you have only
one brother?
Youth—Yes, madam.
Caller —That’s curious. Your sis
ter told me she hud two.
England is losing inn rv, or her
finest old houses through the modern
craze for building houses entirely of
old material.
i
Protect Your Property
and Your Money
H TTOUR house, when painted with
X Marietta House Paints, is practi
cally guaranteed against the ravages of
foul weather by Ac Marietta Service
Certificate. No oAer paint manufac
turer offers you such a certificate. Ask
us about it today.
Concord Paint & Paper Company
842 N. Church Street Phony 16L
J
EVERETT TRUE BYCONDO
DOWN
Embarrassing Moments
New York Daily Mirror.
The most embarrassing moment of
my life happened one day when I was
alone in the house. A knock came to
the back door and thinking it was a
tramp which infested the neighbor
hood at that time, I opened the door
about two inches and saw a man’s
j hard holding three near*. I slammed
the door and said "Nothing doing to
day." Next morning. I learned it was
our neighbor who wanted to give me
some pears. There was a great deal
|of amusement about my aetlon and I
[ certainly -was embarrassed.
The Decimal Is in the Wrong Place.
| A few days ago I entered a store
; at)d asked the price of an attractive
I manicuring set. I was informed that
l it was two ninety-five. “Isn’t that
reasonable?” I asked my friend. The
saleslady overheard us, and asked,
I “Do vou think two hundred and nine
! ty-fi* dollars reasonable?” I grabbed
my friend by the arm and made a hur
ried exit.
TODAY’S EVENTS
Friday, April 2, 1920
Today is Good Friday, which closes
the penitential season preceding the
festival of Easter.
In Missouri and Tennessee this is
the day annually set apart for the
celebration of Arbor Day.
Centenary of the birth of Henry
Howard, governor of Vtthode Island
and secretary of the first Republican
national convention.
Sixty years ago today President
Andrew Johnson issued a proclama
tion formally declaring the war be
tween the states at an end,
I Dr. Nicholas Murray Rutler, prc--
! iden t of Columbia I’niversity and one
i of America’s best-known educational
ists, today enters upon his (15th year.
Beginning today and continuing ov
er a period of three weeks the Inter
national Archaeological Congress will
bold its sessions in Syria and Pales
tine.
The annual meeting of the Ameri
can Society and Pathologists an<s Bac
teriologists will begin at Albany. N.
Y.. today and continue ip session over
tomorrow.
Jack—My wife won’t let me keep
the radio any mere.
Harry—What's the reason ?
Jack —She is jealous of the loud
speaker.
i - p
BY CHARLES P. STEWART !
+.KA Service Writer
Washington, April I.—Politicians
are skeery folk. Take ’em Jiere in
Washington. Let the least little J
thing happen that threatens to get
’em "in bad” with the voters "back
home” and th£y'ge the worst 1 worried
crowd anybody ever Haw.
My, what a panic they've been in
ever since “George, the bootlegger iti
the green hat,” got caught!
George—some people may know his
other name, but probably not ipauy,
for he's a reticent guy—"worked" in
the House of Representatives office
building. He and his green lid have
i been familiar sights in its corridors
for a long time. Rut the eapitol po
lice hooked him at last.
It’s true he didn’t stay liookesf. He
dropped the suitcase he was carrying
when Officer Chorley hailed him. and
made his getaway. Chorley knew
him and thought lie could find him,
so he let him go, preferring to stick
to the evidence in the suitcase.
As Chorley'd suspected, it proved
to be the real “old stuff.”
According a warrant was sworn
out for George. At this moment of
writing it's expected he'll be brought
in any minute. Most liktely he’ll ac
tually be in the hoosgow, or* maybe
out on bond, by the time these lines
see print.
From the political standpoint, the
serious part of the situation ia that
George specialised on the congression
trade and is believed to have had
more of that kind of customers than
any bottleggcr in Washington.
Now the questipn arises:
Has he a list of his patrons, and.
if so, is there danger it will fall into
the bands of the police?
Lincoln Dunned for $5 3 Sk
A heretofore unpublished iei.o'r
from Abraham Lincoln to his wife
reveals that the Civil War president
was dunned several times while a
member of the House of Representa
tives. The letter also shows that he
was fcell posted on capital gossip.
Carl Sandburg, author, says the let
ter was written in 1848 and in his
opinion is the first letter of the
statesman to his wife ever published.
At the tiuie Mrs. Lincoln was visit
■ing her mother in Lexington, Ky..
and her husband was attending his
first session in congress. In tile let
ter lie said I*. H. Hood and Co. had
dunned him for a little bill of $5.38
and Harper and Co. for $8.50 for
goods which they said Mrs. Lincoln
had bought. lie told his wife that
he hesitated to pay these bills be
cause she had said before going awny
that nothing had been left unpaid,
aud that he would wait for her next
letter in which she was to mention
whether they were right.
jEI
IkOilfeif
For each man and woman,
friend and neighbor
I’m A. Live AVhre, the labor
saver.
’ltn the snappy, full of pep chap
who lifts the gloom from homes that
needed to get acquainted with the
wonderful blessing known as electric
ity. I light up your rooms aud balls,
sweep your carpets and run your sew
ing machines, heat your homes and
light up everybody’s pathway in life.
JUvC Wi'Xes^
W. J. HETHCOX
GARDEN SEED
3c
Package
Gibson Drug Store
Do You Like
Something Good?
Try a can of our Chicken a
La King, Chicken Liver, Devil
ed Chicken and Chicken Salad.
Just what you’ve been looking
for and it's ready to serve.
SANITARY GROCERY CO.
Phones 676 and 686
THE CONCORD DAILY TRIBUNE
n„. ... ~..... ... ,
m—.
I how Con - L Ti ONE! w OME CuRW M
MO'M OLD »<=> ) OMc- WotA DAD <sEvjeM'W
i|f i| DA me ?. J am owe tG'T Blamed l las’BolhdaV!
; v ij] te~ MARMiEO am COWOTES ‘ \HE WAS A /
A-) I i) \ "TaIPI Ome per Good/ c ic-fL/ V Bugler im /
\ J I /tT'A f ,v. V Luck am ./ t ' ,ri ' / VT'Vt Civjil )
, VsJHEM The. -feotH WILL oof.
L ' «»■ OtMW jfr aßrfimvicc. iwg.
MOM’N POP BY TAYLOR ~
C ow SNKm M tenet a \ / '\T'\ f JUST HJWtTUE V" AkE-VOO SURE VOD BROOEtfV Tj
£M«auo vS'oe H mv Bur you’re ) wwMANTtee I bicj«thinsJ Tfigßewsie C
To W Mt CoT of J H£S Me
Don’t Be Misled, Look and see that
7 ou get the yellow checkered Bag
and then you will know that you
have got the original Startina to
feed your baby chix on.
Cash Feed Store
PHONE 122 SOUTH CHURCH ST.
DELCO LIGHT
Light Plants and Batteries
Deep and Shallow Well Pumps for Direct or Alter
nating current and Washing Machines for Direct or Al
ternating Current.
R. H. OWEN, Agent
,-Phone 669 Concord, N. C.
BATTERIES
Big Price Reduction on Batteries for Fords and
Chevrolets
PREST-O-LITE $15.50
COLUMBIA $11.95
Compare These Prices.
REPLACEMENT FOR ALL CARS
PHONE 228
(Studebaker Sales and Service)
Auto Supply & Repair Ce.
A Good Many of the Things We Sell
Are Nationally Advertised
That is proof enough that our Furniture is the Highest
Quality obtainable.
Some of the nationally advertised lines that we sell are:
Kroehler Living Room Furniture, Heywood Wake
field Windsor Chairs, Hooeier Kitchen Cabinets, New
Perfection Oil Cook Stoves, White Sewing Machines,
Simmons’ Iron Beds, White Bed Room Suites, KimJark
Rugs.
Quality Only Makes Low Price Low. We invite you
to compare our Quality merchandise with others.
H. B. WILKINSON
Out of the High Rent District, Where Parking Space Is Plentiful
and time unlimited.
Concord Kannapolis, Mooresviile China Grove
Hot Water 1 -
I jp is surely a friend in need and
y; t 1 Z . r * indeed of every cook
mir" steaming hot water will rua
Pays for itself quickly.
E.B. GRADY
PLUMBING AND HEATING DEALER
Office and Show Room 39 E. Corbin St. Office Phone 334 W
Enjoy the Convenience of
Frigidaire
Frigidaire electric refrigeration, operates
automatically - requires no attention
and makes you independent cf outside
ice supply.
And now you can have Frigidaire at new
low prices and on convenient terms.
For Sale By /•
STANDARD BUICK CO.
85 S. Union St. Phone 3US /.
PAGE SEVEN