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14The Daily Tar HeelFriday, December 9, 1988
ufh? Sailg (Far Itol
96th vear tf editorial freedom
Karen Bell, Neus Editor
MATT BlVENS, Associate Editor
KlMBERLY EDENS, University Edttor
JON K. RUST, Managing Editor
Will Lingo, cuy Editor
Kelly Rhodes, Arts Editor
CATHY McHUGH, Omnibus Editor
SHELLEY ERBLAND, Design Editor
Jean Lutes, Editor
KAARIN TlSUE, Newt Editor
LAURA PEARLMAN, Associate Editor
KrISTEN GARDNER, University Editor
SHARON KEBSCHULL, State and National Editor
MIKE BERARDINO, Sports Editor
LEIGH ANN McDONALD, Features Editor
BRIAN FOLEY, Photography Editor
Kelly Thompson, Design Editor
A campus wish list for Santa
Yes, it's true.
staff is abandoning
you during exams.
As the editors try
in vain to salvage their grades in classes
they have been neglecting for months,
The Daily Tar Heel drop boxes will
remain sadly empty. Perhaps it's for
the best without a paper to pick
up, you'll have less to distract you from
But, overwhelmed with holiday
spirit, we compiled a Christmas list for
the; University before calling it quits
for the semester. From Mr. Claus, we
o Money for the UNC Physical
Plant, which is in charge of maintain
ing our nearly 200-year-old campus.
Officials have estimated that they need
an additional $11 million for each of
the, next 10 years to eliminate the
backlog of repair and renovation
o A slew of bright, enthusiastic
candidates for campus offices. Spring
elections are just around the corner.
a A permanent Black Cultural
Center. The administrative runaround
for this project seems never-ending. An
official commitment to the project
from the chancellor or the Board of
Trustees doesn't seem too much to ask.
A Business 72 course open to ;
undergraduates. (For explanation, s6e
the other editorial on this page.)
a A healthy J.R. Reid and an
NCAA championship for the Tar Heel
o A cable television system so
Student Television (STV) can be
broadcast across campus. Officials
have been talking about doing this for
years, but the proposal always seems
to be stifled by red tape or budgetary
a Money to raise faculty salaries
and improve benefits. Also, money to
raise teaching assistant stipends to a
a Expanded facilities for the over
burdened staff of the Victory Village
Day Care Center on South Campus.
A comprehensive day care program
for all UNC faculty, staff and students
would be nice, while we're at it.
a Some new campus activists. Grad
uate student Dale McKinley and law
student Joel Segal are leaving town.
Someqne has to raise hell around here.
a Good grades on exams for eve
ryone, and safe, happy trips home for
the holidays. Merry Everything!
Don't shortchange students
A senior's greatest terror is not being
able to take that last class he so
desperately needs. When UNC's
School of Business closed one of its
accounting classes, BA 72, that night
mare became a reality for many of
With the closing of BA 72, now BA
170, to non-majors, students planning
to enter the business world without a
business degree have nowhere to turn.
Accounting is a prerequisite for such
students, who are advised by prospec
tive employers that two accounting
courses will improve their chances.
Traditionally, BA 71 and 72 have
provided that much-needed back
ground, but that option may no longer
Thus far, nearly 80 non-business
students have been denied access to
BA 72 for the spring semester, and the
University has offered no feasible
solutions. If space is available, students
will be granted admission into the class
on a permission basis, but that can
be difficult for any class, much a less
a course in as much demand as BA
72. With no warning of the change
in curriculum, students have been
offered two choices by administrators:
graduate without the experience or
take the class at another university. In
other words, they are being told that
UNC cannot provide with the educa
tion they expected to receive.
The attitude of University and the
School of Business is appalling. Many
classes at UNC have prerequisites, but
few are limited to majors only, and
those are not in such high demand.
If the School of Business lacks the
money to offer the course, as has been
suggested, the University should find
a way to provide the funds necessary.
A University with the reputation and
resources of UNC has no excuse for
failing such a fundamental student
College is the great American
educational investment, money spent
towards more money earned in the
"real world." The degree, and the name
of the university attached, bears a
direct relation to a graduate's chances
in the job market. For the money,
UNC is a blue chip investment.
Students who attend UNC have a right
to expect that the University live up
to its reputation and provide the
highest quality of education possible.
The ultimate test of any university
is the quality of its graduates. Denying
students access to needed courses for
any reason is the first step toward
failing that test. David Starnes
The Daily Tar Heel
Editorial Writers: Louis Bissette, Sandy Dimsdale and David Starnes.
; Assistant Editors: Jenny Cloninger and Justin McGuire, university. Staci Cox and William Taggart,
state and national. Felisa Neuringer, managing. Dave Glenn, Andrew Podolsky and Chris Spencer,
News: Lynn Ainsworth, Crandall Anderson, Kari Barlow, Jeanna Baxter, John Bakht, David Ball,
Crystal Bernstein, James Benton, Tammy Blackard, Patricia Brown, Charles Brittain, James Burroughs,
Brenda Campbell, Julie Campbell, Lacy Churchill, Daniel Conover, L.D. Curie, Karen Dunn, Erik
Flippo, Laura Francis, Lynn Goswick, Eric Gribbin, Susan Holdsclaw, Kyle Hudson, Helen Jones,
Chris Landgraff, Jessica Lanning, Bethany Litton, Dana Clinton Lumsden, Helle Nielsen, Glenn O'Neal,
Dana Primm, Beth Rhea, Thorn Solomon, Will Spears, Michael Spinas, Larry Stone, William Taggart,
Laura Taylor, Kathryne Tovo, Amy Wajda, Sandy Wall, Andrew Waters, Amy Weisner, Leslie Wilson,
Jennifer Wing, Amy Winslow, Nancy Wykle. Elizabeth Bass, Laura Hough, Dorothy Hutson and Peter
Line berry, wire typists.
Sports: Neil Amato, Mark Anderson, John Bland, Robert D'Arruda, Scott Gold, Doug Hoogervorst,
Bethany Litton, Brendan Mathews, Jay Reed, Jamie Rosenberg, Natalie Sekicky, Dave Surowiecki,
Lisa Swicegood, Eric Wagnon and Langston Wertz.
Features: David Abernathy, Cheryl Allen, Craig Allen, Jo Lee Credle, Jackie Douglas, Mary Jo
Dunnington, Hart Miles, Myrna Miller, Kathy Peters, Cheryl Pond, Leigh Pressley and Ellen Thornton,
Arts: Randy Basinger, Clark Benbow, Cara Bonnett, Beth Buffington, Ashley Campbell, Elizabeth Ellen,
Andrew Lawler, Julie Olson, Joseph Rhea and Jessica Yates.
Photography: Steven Exum, David FosterBecky Kirkland, Tony Mansfield, Belinda Morris and Dave
Copy Editors: Cara Bonnett, Michelle Casale, Yvette Cook, Julia Coon, Whitney Cork, Joy Golden,
Bert Hackney, Susan Holdsclaw, Anne Isenhower, Gary Johnson, Angelia Poteat and Steve Wilson.
Editorial Assistants: Beth Altman, Mark Chilton, Jill Doss and Sandi Hungerford.
Design Assistant: Mary Dillon.
Cartoonists: Jeff Christian, Adam Cohen, Pete Corson, Trey Entwistle, David Estoye, Luis Hernandez
and Greg Humphreys.
Business and Advertising: Kevin Schwartz, director; Patricia Glance, advertising director; Joan Worth,
advertising coordinator; Chrissy Mennitt, advertising manager; Sheila Baker, business manager; Dawn
Dunning, Beth Harding, Sarah Hoskins, Amy McGuirt, Maureen Mclntyre, Denise Neely, Tina Perry,
Pam Strickland, Amanda Tilley and Joye Wiley, display advertising representatives; Leisa Hawley,
creative director; Dan Raasch, marketing director; Stephanie Chesson, Alecia Cole, Genevieve Halkett,
Camille Philyaw, Tammy Sheldon and Angela Spiney. classified advertising representatives; Jeff Carlson,
secretary and Allison Ashworth, assistant.
Subscriptions: Cody McKinney, manager, Ken Murphy, assistant.
Distribution: David Econopouly, manager; Cindy Cowan, assistant.
Production: Bill Leslie and Stacy Wynn, coordinators.' Anita Bentley, Leslie Humphrey, Stephanie
Locklear and Leslie Sapp, assistants.
Printing: The Village Companies.
was the night before Christmas, and at the North Pole
Santa sat spitting his last pinch of Skoal.
JL "I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!" he screamed,
"I give and I give and I only get reamed!"
"Oh Nicky, what's wrong dear, wherefore this stink?"
Mrs. Claus said, draining beets in the sink.
"I'm sick of my life and those stupid reindeer
The kids will have to have Hanukkah this year.
"Nicky, you fart, quit being so foolish.
The presents are ready besides, you're not Jewish " v
But Santa just sat in his red furry clothes
And a tear formed an icicle there on his nose.
Mrs. Claus said as she tugged at his wrist,
"Santa, you just need a good therapist.
Disguising him well, and not telling one elf
She sent him outside to (quote) "find himself.
So Santa did trudge through the sludge and the traddle
"My life is a swamp" to himself he did babble
Til finally a sign snowed a cure for depression:
"Arctic Psychologist: Twelve Bucks per Session
Feelin' Low Down? Has Happiness Shunned Ya?
See Dr. Gruber, the Shrink of the Tundra."
Back at the ranch, the elves are revolting
And with old Mrs. Claus, my love life is molding
To make matters worse, all the girls and the boys
They used to want Legos, now they want sex toys!
Condoms and G-strings and old Ben-Wa balls ,
Edible undies, inflatable, dolls, '
Rich motion lotion to spread on their belly 1
Dirty home movies and cherry Joy Jelly . . ."
The doctor said, "Hmmm . . . you're much worse than I
; I think that it's time for the Rorschach Ink Blot."
He held the strange pictures in front of Nick's jaw
And asked him to say the first thing that he saw.
"The first one's a butterfly mating in June,
The second's a Volkswagen in a monsoon.
The third is a bird who has heard his first disco
The fourth is Magellan sauteed in lime Crisco."
Gruber sat back to reflect what he heard,
. Said, "Let's try this again, only let's use just words."
"Mother," said Gruber. "Lovely," said Santa.
"Violence and hatred." "Fun in Atlanta."
"Seashore." "Crustaceans." "Sex." "Cemetery."
"Songbirdie." "Hitler." "Sensation." "Boo-Berry."
"This has gone nowhere," Doc said, "seems to me
That you need Electro-Shock Therapy."
Dejected and saddened, Nick slowly undressed,
And hopped on the table, laid his head in the rest
Then strapping him in with typical zest,
The doctor attached the diodes to his chest.
Suddenly all of the room was ablaze
On top of the table, he started to braise
His face was contorted, all smiles and jolts;
Santa was powered by six thousand volts!
Where else could he go on this eve of Yuletide?
He opened the door and then set foot inside.
The receptionist there was some gorgeous blonde chick
Who looked up and said, "Hey, aren't you Saint Ni "
"No my name's Lochstein," Santa said gruffly,
"I'm 62 and weigh two-seventy, roughly
My star sign is Aries, I'm really together
I dig macrame, sunsets and women in leather."
The blonde lady thought, "What a dirty old man!" .
But instead she just said, "Fit you in if I can."
Nervously waiting, trying not to be seen
Santa perused Jack and Jill Magazine
Til loudly a voice said "Last one today ...
Some guy named Lochstein who likes macrame."
The doctor was glowering, his expression was murky
He was bald, had a pipe and he smelled like Beef Jerky.
"Come hither, my friend," he said, "don't be a grouch;
Spill your bad news on my therapist couch."
Once on the sofa, Nick made his confession:
"Doctor, false pretenses made for this session
I'm Father of Christmas, sleigh bells with a cause,
The Yuckster of Yuletide, the true Santa Claus."
The doctor said, "Well, okay, you're human too
Why don't you tell me just what Vailing you.'TZ.
Santa relaxed, cleared the frost from his chin, ; " ''
"Oh Dr. Gruber, where do I begin?
The meaning of Christmas so misunderstood
People want presents but no one's been good
Breaking free quickly, all laughing and joking
Nick ran out to the snow with his hairline still smoking
He bounced home all jolly, and shocking his wife
He yelled loud and clear, "God, I love life!
Wrap all the peasants! Wax the reindeer!
This is the happiest day of the year!"
He hopped on his sleigh with no intervention.
"On Donner! On Bloating! On Water Retention!
On Dancer and Prancer and Boner and Blitzen!
On Fungus and Bungus and Al Solzhenitsyn!"
So off rode St. Nicholas into the sleet
The kids got their presents ('cept Ian and Pete).
I A 1 ' I.AWiiWJ .'.1.1. i LI I LH W
.. . ii aw
Pete is from Raleigh and Ian from L.A. Ian majors in psych ; - rt
and Pete t still won't say.
Get it on
To the editor:
There has been an "unoffi
cial" decision made by Techni
cal Services at Davis Library
to discontinue filing main entry
cards in the card catalog. This
may sound trivial, but what it
means is that when the com
puters are down there is no way
to access recently cataloged
material. It also means that
there is no back-up system
should computer records be
destroyed for some reason. The
computer system is obviously
necessary, but the card catalog
has its virtues as well. Many
patrons prefer the card catalog.
The salary for one person to
carry out the function of filing
cards seems a relatively small
sum to pay for the benefit and
insurance of an updated card
A dose of
To the editor:
One could say, in response
to Jacqueline Muth's letter of
Dec. 1 ("One-sidedness justi
fied"), that if Andy Taubman
needs a hearing aid then per
haps she needs a "thinking aid."
One could also say that baseless
propaganda is never more
obvious then when it discour
ages rational discussion and
instead relies on one-sided
emotional appeals. Finally, one :
could simply point out some of
the more obvious distortions
liberally sprinkled through her
letter such as her character
ization of the Israeli army (the
army of a nation the size of New
Jersey) as one of the "mightiest
war machines the world has ;
ever known." " :
A far more useful response !
to this letter, however, is the
kind that Andy Taubman orig
inally suggested a rational,
balanced assessment of both
sides of the situation in Israel.
Such an assessment would start
with a healthy dose of perspec
tive. It would acknowledge that
this problem has a long history,
including repeated attempts by
the Arab world to destroy the
state through military force,
and that it was as a result of
one such' attempt that Israel
took possession of the West
Bank and the Gaza Strip in
1967 beginning the occupa
tion that Ms. Muth opposes-
and setting the stage for the
Such an assessment would
also look more closely at some
of the common stereotypes of
the "evil" Israeli occupation.
Many people don't realize
and Ms. Muth certainly isn't
telling them that Israel in
1967 took the territories from
Jordan (which had illegally
annexed the West Bank in
violation of the Fourth Geneva
convention and the Hague
accords) and from Egypt
(which held Gaza under mil
itary occupation - complete
with road blocks, beatings and
killings). Ms. Muth also doesn't
mention that while these areas
were under control of Egypt
and Jordan, comparatively few
efforts were made to assist their
economic development, while
Israel's "heartless occupation"
has included the construction
of schools and medical facilities
and offers to resettle residents
of refugee camps (offers that
the PLO "influenced" the refu
gees not to take because refugee
camps make a nice political
Similarly, the innocent child
ren whose fate Ms. Muth
bemoans are, in fact, not so
innocent. They are beaten and
arrested because they have been
throwing stones and firebombs
at Israeli soldiers, not because
Israelis are in the business of
"state-sponsored child beat
ing." Israel could respond to
these attacks in the traditional
Middle Eastern style by
mowing down 400 people in a
single day, as Saudi Arabia did
to Iranians during the pilgrim
age to Mecca, but as a demo
cratic nation forced into the
role of occupier they have
rejected this course.
I do not support the occu
pation, and I don't deny that
there have been abuses of
Palestinian human rights. I do
deny that they have been on the
order of apartheid or, God
forbid, the Nazi atrocities. If
any progress is to be made
towards solving the problems,
then Israelis and Palestinians
must talk here and in Israel.
This kind of dialogue can only
take place, however, after
have been abandoned and both
sides have recognized the uni
que nature of the problem that
MARK REICHARD .
, Senior :..