Newspapers / Gardner-Webb University Student Newspaper / April 1, 1969, edition 1 / Page 6
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BOILING SPRINGS TUESDAY, APRIL 1, 1969 Hamrick Escapade The wind played through the trees, and rain pounded unmerci fully on the creaking ancient roof of the Elijah B. Hamrick Build ing, Bats fluttered out of the attick vents, and the general atmosphere of the building pro vided an excellant opportunity for investigation of mysterious happ enings which had been reported earlier by adventvous lovers. Dr. Watson and I rather un known relation of a local dent, had the frightening task of trying to solve the haunted Ham rick mystery. We decided to enter the building from the front for the front has the most doors, something we thought enificial for a quick exit. Once inside, we began to explore the hall way. “Watson, record the names on all ghose paintings. Ther're all suspects. “ We thought it best to start THE GARDNER-WEBB FLAGPOLE - central attraction of the campus, is in the process of being removed by request stemming from the psychology department. It was discovered that much of the daily frustration of campus life was caused when, in the course of a stroll down the walk with a conversing partner, the students would suddenly be faced with the decision of moving either left or right, or in erfreme cases, parting entirely, thus being forced with another decision of either halting the conversation or shouting an otherwise tete a tete. Notice in the background the two travelers awaiting the removal, thus preventing what could be an all too hasty and ■mcomfortable decision. NOW IS THE TIME - to consider our student body! on the top floor, and we shak- ingly proceeded up the stairs not knowing when at any monent they may collapse. Reaching the hallway, we were startled by a continuous gurgling sound, re- minisent of that of an unsettled “Get out your cross." Behind the protection of the gold plate-bordered pearl imi tation cross loaned to us by a concerned cotton grower (Frank lin Farmer), we located the source of the soul sound in a small room to the side of the hall. Watson raised his light to some scribbling on the door. “There seems to be a whole series of writings here," said Watson. “Let me get out my reading glass." He began to “Richard Kimble was here.“ “Goliath got stoned." “Men?“ “Men?“ We stared at each other in sur- “Watson, I have a new hypoth esis," I said. We bashed open the door. Analysis Of A Nursery Rhyme By REG ALEXANDER Many of today’s English students are plagued with the hardships of interpreting poetry. Frequently, the meanings of seemingly sim ple poems are hard to obtain, and the schools are filled with squinty -eyed students who have been try ing to read between the lines. If you are one of the “unlucky” ones who has difficulty grasping the meaning of tricky poetry, read on, as a common poem is de composed and analyzed. Hi Didle-Didle The cat and the fiddle The cow jumped over the moon. The little dog laughed to see such sport, And the dish ran away with the spoon. Let us examine the verse more closely. “Hi Didle-Didle” seems to ex press the fast actions of dally life. Notice that as you pronoun ced “Didle-Didle,” you did not say it as it was written (Did-lee Did-lee), but you said "Did’I, Did’l”. This is a paragon of the fast, abbreviated thinking of com mon modem man. "The catand the fiddle” clearly refers to the two extremes ofto- day’s social culture. The hip- swinging bongo-beating "yeah- yeah” of the “cool cat” is held in contrast to the slow, pure cla ssical music of the stringed sym phonies. Ask Bernstein. “ The cow jumped over the moon. ” This phrase is evidently relating to the high prices of food, particularly meat and dairy pro ducts. However, a few scholars believe this line refers to a fu ture government program to put "The little dog laughed to see suck a sport". This is an augumentative phrase on which many theologians disagree. The most common interpretation is that the “dog" refers to the dog matic communist countries laugh ing at the inward conflicts of our nation. Some few students of phrophetic literature comment that this refers to the old-time “hotdog" ridiculing the soaring prices of fancy-named hamburgers (th cow—jumped). “And the dish ran away with the spoon". After many debates, discussions, theories, hypotheses battles and an interview with Joe Pyne, the only interpretation of this phrase is that of an added story; a pretty girl (the dish) eloping with a tall skinny man with a big head (the spoon). If you think you have master ed the technique of decomposi tion and resalendating, try the next poem on your own. “Mary Had A Little Lamb." Hint; this poem is about a fancied bio- Ic^ical freak of science. (If you are quick to analyze this poem, move on to “Old Mac Donald Had A Farm). before my eyes. Squinting, I could barely make out my surr oundings, but I could distinguish several large masses in front of me. As my eyesight cleared, I knew my situation. I was sitting in the floor with my back against, as far as I could tell, the only exit door ; of the room. Facing me was a wall of office machinery, card ■catalogs and processings to the left and a computer to the right. Beside me on the left was a wooden table upon which were card /cabinets, and near the other end ^of the table, I noticed Watson, - similarly tied, with a green gar bage can covering his head. He was covered from head to foot jwith card-punchings confetti. There was a second room 'adjoining mine in which I saw a seated figure. He rose and the door. “Right again , Holmes." Watson exclaimed in delight as he stepped into a puddle of water and shown his light on a flooding commode. Quickly, I dashed to the mach ine and relieved its strained valve. I turned and noticed Wat son furiously scribbling “Have you found a clue W.W.? I asked. "No. I‘m leaving a note for the janitor," he answered. We both took time to wring - out our socks and then carefully stepped down the stairs to the auditor ium floor. Upon reaching the floor, I gave W.W. instructions to enter the extreme side of the auditorium as I did, for, in this manner, we could view more and at different angles. We entered in and proceeded down the aud itorium slope. Periodically we would call each other to relate our positions. Finally, the in evitable happened; I received no answer. As I had planned, the Hamrick “ghosts" had taken the bait, good old W. Watson. But I had not detected ration from movement, struggle, or frantic calls. I began to I worry for the safety of my lost comrade, and I knew I had little I raced to the stage of the dark auditorium, and I did, I noticed movement. I flashed my light to the area and dashed for the quick figure. As I did so the pale figurine diss- appeared in a maze of black cur tains, and I met unhappily with Regaining my consiousness, I struggled to raise my numb body, but I was restrained by ropes, “Watson, Watson." I yelled. Suddenly, great light flashed “Franklin Farmer," I gasped. "Yes, " he said. ‘Just me and my computer. That's all I need, and I‘m all she needs." “She?“ I asked. “Yes, Petulia."He pointed to the computer. "Iprogrammed her to love me,“ said he. “I programmed her to love, honor, and obey me, and in return I offer her protection. “ He flitted on the machine's switch. “Protection/? Protection from what?“ I asked. "They tried to replace her, but as long as I‘m here they‘11 not do it. You can't take her." I sat with a gaping mouth. I knew I was dealing with a psycho. “What if a good looking boy computer should come along and she, or, Petulia drops you?" “Petulia‘11 not do that.“ At that the computer buzzed and hummed. “Petulia and I are to gether, we are one.“ He leaned against the comer of the mach ine, held its controls, and carr- essed its side. The machine whirred and purred at this, and cards began to flow wilkly out of the gadget.
Gardner-Webb University Student Newspaper
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April 1, 1969, edition 1
6
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