Editorials
October 31,1996
The Real Meaning of Halloween
Chuck Buckley
It’s Halloween. October thirty-
first. All Hollows Eve. Whatever
you wanna call it, it’s here. What
are you going to do about it?
No I mean seriously, what are
you going to do tonight? You might
decide to stay at home again to
night and watch “Must See TV” or
all the sitcoms' very touching holi
day editions. No my friend, get
yourself a life.
You could dress up in your
$50 store-bought costume and go
to the Light House and drink your
self into a blind sexual rage which
culminates with you passed out in
your bathroom with important parts
of you either underwater or miss
ing. You can do that other nights
but not tonight.
October thirty-first. Not Hal
loween. No, it’s Franklin Street
Night.
You may have thought that
today was set aside for going to
houses to get candy, or dressing up
in your little costumes and parad
ing around in a contest.
That may have been the way
that it was, but now, Halloween
means only one thing. Making that
yearly pilgrimage to the street which
is called Franklin.
Don’t know now the way ? You
will. Oh yes. You will be drawn to
the barely controlled chaos that is
Chapel Hill like moths to a flame.
I’ve lived in Chapel Hill since
I was in the 5th grade. I want to
impart what little knowledge I have
gained onto you so that your trip to
the Halloween mecca will be one
that is enjoyable and survivable.
I’ve broken these guideline into
two sections: Things that your
mother will tell you do for Hallow
een, then things that you ought to
do for Franklin street.
Costume - Yo Mama - The
first and most important thing par
ents will tell you is wear a sweater
over your costume and make sure
that you wear reflective strips on
your costume so that every one will
see you.
Costume - Me - Screw that.
Glow strips? If you are going as
street sign okay, but otherwise for
get it. As for the temperature, there
is the distinct possibility of your
butt becoming frozen off, but
Franklin Street at midnight is wall-
to-wall people.
Make sure that your costume
is something that you can move
comfortably in and more impor
tantly run in. Don’t wear anything
that you care about because as
Murphy’s law states you will get
yourself covered in beer.
Some people work the entire
year in preparation of this festival.
I’ve seen some 10-foot monsters
with two heads, really life-like and
disgusting trolls (High school stu
dents) and one guy who went as
Boba Fett and my god it was nice.
Candy - Yo Mama - Check
your candy for razor blades, shards
of glass, small explosives, cyanide
capsules and anything else that will
maim you. Don’t take candy from
any one with vacant, wandering
eyes.
Candy - Me - Franklin street is
not a trick or treat type of place. Oh
no, no. If you consume anything it
will more than likely be something
liquid in nature. As for people.with
vacant, wandering eyes, that’s half
the people there. Maybe even your
friends.
Some of the various people
you will meet on your trip to
Franklin will of course be the ever
present police officers. When you
are near them please keep in mind
that this is the toughest night of the
year for them and that Chapel Hill
cops are pretty serious year round
so don’t do anything stupid.
Also there will be Zionists out
there till around 1:00 a.m. Don’t
be afraid of the Zionists. They
don’t want to hurt you, they just
want to save your undying soul. If
you don’t want saving just take
their pamphlets, collect all four,
nod your head, and walk away,
• Stay safe, have fun and I’ll
see you out there.
Kemember to tune
in to 893 WSOE
for the following
great shows:
‘'Shut up and
Listen Talk
Tuesday”
10-12 Ripley Von
Slam’s Siamfest
3:30-4 The 1/2 Hour of
Power with Chuck and
Andrea
4-5 Holse Pollution
with Jon and Tracy
5-6 Freedom of Speech
with Mike and Brutus
6-7 The Sports Show
Mth Matt, Mu arid purk
Also don’t miss "Are
Saturdays at 6:30
©1996
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