TWO THE SALEM ITE Saturday, March 2, 1929. The Salemite Mpinbei Southern Inter-Collegiate Press Assoeiation. Publinhed Weekly by the Student Body of Salem College. SUBSCRIPTION PRICE $2.00 a Year :: 10c a Copy EDITORIAL STAFF Editor-In-Chief Dorothy Ragan, "29 Managing Editor Rubie Scott, ’29 Associate Editor Laila Wright, ’80 Associate Editor _Lucile Hassel, ’30 Masie Editor Elizabeth Andrews, ’29 Literary Editor Lessie Phillips, ’30 Sport Editor Sara Efird, ’31 Local Editor Edith Kirkland, ’81 Local Editor Kathleen Moore, ’81 BUSINESS STAFF Business Mgr Isabelle Dunn Asst Bus. Mgr Eleanor Willingham Adr. Manager Jessie Duvis Asst. Adv. Mgr Eva Hackney Asst. Adv. Mgr Elva Lee Kenerly Adv. Mer Elizabeth Allen Circurmiun Mgr Carolyn Brinkley Asst. Circ. Mgr „...Mary Norris Asst. Circ. Mgr Elizabeth Ward REPORTERS Marjorie Siewers Millieent Ward Mary Myers Faulkner. PARAGRAPHICS It is again reported that we are to have a new gym. This rumor we hare witJi us always like the poor and the potatoe.s in the dining S. Carlton got herself into an embarrassing situation by mistaking Miss Stipe’s door for an exit. Ouv advice to her is: be nonchalant, walk a mile, and reach for an old Ches terfield. This department has started a priceless collection of rare objects. It now includes an unusual lipstick, 3 person without a cold, and a Junior without something to sell. WE'RE PROUD OF IT! Yoo-hoo, Upperclassmen—Sopho- mores. Juniors, and Seniors! At last we have gained this long looked- for (in vain, we thought) and long aspired-to chance of saying just why and how, and what we think of you. But you’ll be surprised when all is said and don«! In various issues of the Salemite dnring the year the following head lines have appeared; “Sophomore Week Proves Trying Ordeal for Freshmen,” “Freshmen Afford De lightful Entertainment for. Upper Classmen in Sophomore Court,” “Advice to Freshmen,” “Fear Not the New,”, etc. Such things as a picture of a crabby old man, who looks as if he could bite nails into two parts, with “The Above Repre sents a Freshman’s Impressions of the Sophomore Judge,” under it, and a big blank space which was supposed to be representative of a Freshman’s thoughts, were quite suggestive. We were very much hurt when some of the returns froii the Freshman student government exams (which, by the way, we had labored over for two long weeks) were brought to light in the college paper. We were razzed, ridiculed, hazed, abused, and bullied. Another issue of the Salemite says: “The first thing about being a Freshman is to realize that you’ra .•witually one of these queer little things.” We’ve surely been made to realize it. Sophs—by such things as making up beds, washing hose, sweeping floors, hopping across the •streets, and wearing our hair in pig tails. But we didn’t mind fulfilling the ta.sks imposed upon us; in fact, we really enjoyed them, and we hope that we were good sports, for we tried to take our dose gracefully. Besides all the aforementioned cruel deeds of the tyrannical Sophs we also remember all their good deeds. What a good time they gave us at the Sophomore party, and what worth-while lessons tliey taught us! The Juniors, our big sisters, and the Seniors have been good to us, too. In fact, we like you all. Seniors, Juniors and Sophomores— but we’re still proud of the fact that we arc Freshman. AND INCIDENTALLY— AN EDUCATION In a Winston newspaper there re cently appeared a .symposium of reasons why the students of Ohio University accounted themselves as “among those present” at that col lege. Simple, human reasons, all of them—because “the rest of the crowd went,” because “Dad wanted me to have better educational ad vantages than lie had,” because “it was the thing to do,” and we wonder how these reasons might apply to the student at Salem. From random observations wo miglit surmise that one-sixtli of the .students of our college seriously peruse tlieir textbooks with a view of ennobling their lives through in tellectual development and through experience in pertinent discussion with greater minds. This one-sixth leave college with minds sharpened and keen to battle the problems of life, with a sense of having justi fied four years of young life and hundreds of dollars of parental money, and with an enviable poise and surety which comes only through association with culture and experi ence in leadership. But what of the other five-sixths, the portion who drift serenely past open doors of opportunity.? Care lessly they glide through college and through life, with care-free .smiles tliey elude tlie subtle problems of life, heartlessly they scatter the hard-earned money of their parents, and always they deceive themselves with the thought that their futile attempts at education lists them among the haute monde. Are you spending four of the most precious year.? of your life in a determined. erudite pursuit of knowledge, or arc you giving no thought but to experience the pleas ures of college and to receive, inci dentally, an education.? WHO’S WHO IX THE FRESHMAN CLASS Class Officers: President—Anna Preston, Charlotte, N. C. Vice-President—Sarah Graves, Mt. Airy, N. C. Secretary—Mary Virginia Pen- dergraph, Mt. Airy, N. C. Treasurer—Mary Elizabeth Pinkston, Winston-Salem, N. C. Student Council Representatives: On-Campus Council— Martha Delany, Charlotte, N. C. Mary ]\Iitehell Norman, Mooresville, N. C. Pauline Sehenherr, Pennsylvania. Off-Campus Council: Mildred Biles. Mary Heston Martin. Cheer Leader: Daisy Litz, Tazwell, Virginia. Y. JV. C. A. Cabinet: Mary Elizabeth Meeks, Rocky Mt., N. C. Winifred Nicholson, Arlie, N. C. Debaters: Anna Preston, Charlotte, N. C. Margaret Breneeke. Flag Custodians: Martha Pierce, Weldon, N. C;. Anna Macon Ward, Stoneville, N. C. Captain of Basketball Team: Marian Turner. Editors of Freshman Salemite: Mary Heston Marton, Winston-Salem, N. C. Sarah Graves, Mt. Airy, N. C. Martha Pierce, Weldon, N. C. Freshman Tennis Champion: Martha DeLaney. Swallow This Pill! “No, Superior Beings, we do not think that Napoleon was defeated at the Battle of Tippecanoe because X plus Y equals A minus B divided by 2 plus C, but we do think that the Seniors, Juniors, and Sopho mores—well, never mind what we think. You aren’t to be blue, dears, nor quite as green as we were, but we hope to turn you red enougli to make up for both. Now that my after dinner speech has been made, (The absence of the dinner is unaccounted for! Tch! Teh! Tch!) we shall pro ceed with the Bull Session or the Hen Party or the Rat Meeting (choice of two). Nominations are now in order for the Princess of Pills. This young lady must be beautiful in the way a crab is beau tiful and have about the same char acteristics and leap. It is essential that she be addicted to the use of ‘Mother Sills’ Seasick Pills,’ else she will be useless for our advertising purposes. Do I hear a suggestion from the floor.?” “Mr. Head-Rat, I nominate alli- niaC norcB.” “Don’t call me ‘Head-Rat,’ you rat-head—ah—pardon me, Ikey, but do you think allimaC suits the part.?” “Most assuredly, Mr. Head President. She has all the necessary qualities. Have you never noticed how crabbily she turns her back on the audience when she makes an an nouncement.? According to the latest bulletin of the Quack Doctors’ As sociation of Oskibowwow, Wisconsin, this action is duo entirely to con stant consumption of aforesaid pills. In addition to this attraction, .she has til at ‘come-and-kiss-me-quick- before-I-die’ air, which is most ap pealing in a country la.s.s of her hefty type.” Mr. Lounge-Lizard, I insist that my candidate be recognized.” “Mr. Chairman, if you please or don’t please! Who are you back- ing?” “This extraordinary female needs no stump-speeches, for she is the original nub although not quite the first preferred stock in blondes. She uses ‘Mrs. Perkins Pink Pills for Pale People,’ which have a much more apparent result than those of Mother Sills. Do you follow me, gentlemen.? She is a Mellin’s Food Baby raised on Campbell’s Soup and love, and, in her capacity as chief executive of our demented Big Sis ters, would be a flawless Princess of Pills.” “Will you be willing to swear, if necessary, Mr. , (what is eiddna’s beau’s name, anyway.?) that it was not the glue on our pills which gave her lock-jaw.?” “I will even go so far as to as sert that our pills have reduced her in height at least two and a half feet and caused her to swallow her “I hardly think that necessary, ywung squashbokie. You do not fall far short of placing our superior product in the class of tlie patent medicine ^ . What did you call me.? Blockhead, indeed!” “ ‘Blackhead,’ I said, ‘Blackhead!’ Don’t accept one of these infernal blondes; select my illustrious candi date. She is stern enough to por tray the condition of a person with a recently swallowed pill in her anatomy, and the dignified way in which she swats a volley ball shows the stuif she’s made of (one day last .luvember she skinned a big piece of 'the stuff she’s made of’ off her (continued next week). You arc to understand that enaJ is an individual. She’s a good judge of pills but a very poor one of under classmen—eh! Fre,shmen.? That makes no special ‘never mind’ though, as her judgment isn’t her most prominent feature and wiU never show in the picture. Of course, she is the ape’s only rival when she’s trying to look inspired, but we need a plain Jane for our purposes. Shall we make it unanimous.?” “Since I am the unfortunate per son who is to choose between these ‘Flaming mamies,’ I have decided (with misgivings and apologies to the English Department) to sink in to the arms of Morpheus and awake in the arms of Saint Peter. I am uncertain as to the best way to reach this end—no, that end—any way, my end. Suggestions will l>e kindly received and as kindly dis posed of. As I was saying before I died—ahem I mean spoke of dy ing, it is a colossal task to choose the Princess of Pills from her (How many upperclassmen are there? I done gone ’n forgot) sisters who are equally well-fitted for the position. I hereby decree that each of the creatures, classed as Srs., Jrs., and Sophs, shall from henceforth and even forevermore retain her sigTiifi- eant title of Her Uncouth Highness Princess of Pills; and that the Freshmen shall live happily ever afterwards—at least, until the up perclassmen finish this paragraph— then, may their souls rest in peace! ” i SAL TO EM I Dearest Em: It breaks my heart to write to you. This letter probably means the end of our correspondence. Never will I be able to look you in the face again. Never will we raise whoopee again. Oh! Oh! Oh ! As Lady Macbeth sftys, all the per fumes of Arabia can never wash this from my soul. Long have I pon dered on how to break the news. Oh, this is killing me! How can I tell you.? I can’t do it!!! Yet I must brave myself for the attack. Never will you love the old school again. Never will you consider it an honor to have graduated from it. Never! Never! Never! Mary Breicer goes to Salem. Forgive me, —SAL. The Freshman class has one hun dred, twenty-four members. The students of Salem College come from many different .sections. North Carolina, Virginia, Tennessee, Soutli Carolina, Georgia, Florida, Alabama, Texas, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, West Virginia, Mississippi, Con necticut, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Ken tucky, New York, and West Indies are represented. The Freshman Class wishes to ex tend its thanks to the editorial staff Did You Know That— ). Nonie Riggan was on time for gym on the fourteenth of Jan uary, in the year nineteen hundred and twenty-eight, A. D.? 2. Mary Johnson didn’t get a ])hone call last night? 3. Adelaide McAnally was un able to make an announcement on February 21st becau.se there was no chapel? ■1. We saw Marion Bloor down town the other day without Doris Shirley? But we’ll have to admit that she looked like a lost dog. 5. Lillyan Newell forgot her socks last Wednesday morning? 6. The major production of tlie Pierrette Players for next year has not yet been decided upon, for Mary Brewer jias not yet picked her,part? 7. During this week for the first time throughout the year. Dot Ragan has gone around with a “pleased- with-thc-world” expression on her 8. There is no use to try to use Clewell telephone from seven to eight every night for Hazel’s talking to her “Billy”? 9. All the chairs and doors and fountains are dated, but the girls never are? (Except a few). 10. Lillian Tucker has lost her hat? There is a club in New York de voted to the laziest men in the world. Any attempt on the part of a mem ber to hurry is punished with a fine. One day a member was seen driving by the club committee at a fast rate of speed. Summoned before the committee he excused himself bv saying that he was too lazy to take his foot off the accelerator. A. & P. Store ALWAYS READY TO MEET THE NEEDS OF Salem College Girls Just around Corner of The Salemite for the privilege of editing this issue of the college •spaper. Welcome Salem Girls! WE ARE ALWAYS GLAD TO SEE YOU IN OUR STORE ANCHOR STORE “WINSTON-SALEM’S SHOPPING CENTER” THE BEST IN TOWN Robert E. Lee Barber Shop A NUTRITIOUS, W//OLESOME DELICACY Blue Ribbon Ice Cream Made of fresh, sweet cream and choicest fruits are used in all fruit creaan. GET SOME TODAY FROM YOUR NEAREST DEALER TRUELOVE’S HALF PRICE ON DRY CLEANING Work Called for and delivered to any part of the City at these prices By giinng you 'personal service K*e think the service you 'will Jove will be “Truelove's” TRUELOVE CLEANING WORKS KJ-332 S. Main St. REPAIRING A SPEC'IALT]'