Newspapers / The whetstone. / Feb. 18, 2009, edition 1 / Page 1
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um^. ‘Jdmaty 2009 J2^treat, J\(Q28757 hctstone SUontreat Coffee’s Student Q/oke Hail to a Classy King of Hearts Nick Zuerlein Who’s short and studly with a neck beard and steals the hearts of ladies every where? That’s right! Agent Sexty-Seven! This year’s King of Hearts has been crowned! Another epic competition for the title of the annual male beauty pageant has come and gone. There were hearts stolen and hearts broken, but in the end there was only one win ner who captured his audience! The competitors, voted in by the Montreat student body, made a strong showing of talent, creativity, humor, manliness and, well....skin. Yeah, skin. Freshman rep resentative Col ton Gera made a dramatic entrance, rushing back from his mountain man escapades just in time to make the show. His swimsuit display proved to be on the mild side of what we were to see that night, but his ripped, sharpie-etched chest was definitely one of his strong points (ho pun intended). He had a little two-song rap routine with original mate rial that was pretty impres sive and had the audience thumping out beats. But Babette expressed her true feelings for Colton. Need less to say, he might be in counseling for a while. Next up was the Country Man, sophomore Josh Platt. This guy was stealing women then the poor guy was in for a shocker in his question and answer time. Ever had a professor hit on you? In the most controversial moment of the night, judge Princess “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hppes, always perseveres.” I Corinthians 13:4-7 left and right with his farmer muscles and country charm. Some of the audience didn’t appreciate the theft of their girlfriends by this dancing hick. Platt had quite the show for his swimsuit rou tine, stripping down to a lit tle dress and finally a pair of short, tight swim trunks by some overly excited female fans. This was met with some laughs and groans. Platt definitely captured his audi ence with his “Evolution of Dance” routine, highlighted by his goofy smile through the whole thing. He finished strong with the question and answer time, accompanied by a 2D Hannah Montana, whom he flung into the crowd at the end. “We’re the Dancers” was the favorite line of our African junior, Nathan Dimmock. Causing his fair share of problems amongst men with la dies, Nathan was the wild man of the show. The second most controversial moment came when Nathan, with a hairy Steve Nelson and a shaved (minus the face) Jacob Clement in leotards accompanied “Beyonce” as her back up dancers. Hilarious as this was, men in high heels and leotards are likely to damage even the most secure fans and there were many a painful expression throughout that crowd. Nathan proceeded to sing a Frank Sinatra song, then attempted to respond the judges’ questions in his native tongue with Craig Walston as interpreter, which generated some laughs. Now for the man of the night—the King of Hearts, Agent Sexty Seven! Senior Dane Haskell came out with class, wearing a tux and a bow tie with his Bond persona. Honesdy though, I never remembered Bond having such a furry face. Dane generated many laughs with his rather unorthodox fighting technique, even defeating a foe with a sword by throwing a pen, proving “the pen is indeed mightier than the sword.” The humor did not cease there as he made his swimsuit show ing. In a dress shirt, bow tie and board shorts on the beach, chained to his lovely lady and attached to a battery by jumper cables, Dane’s predicament was the highlight of this most un usual swim suit display. His enemies made very sure that he would be drown by the incoming tide. But a popsicle stick hidden in his beard saved the man and his girl. Agent Sexty-Seven proved to be a true heart breaker in his talent act. He broke the hearts of a half dozen women who adored him, each in his I (continued on pg. 7) |
Feb. 18, 2009, edition 1
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