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‘Jdmaty 2009
J2^treat, J\(Q28757
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SUontreat Coffee’s Student Q/oke
Hail to a Classy King of Hearts
Nick Zuerlein
Who’s short and studly
with a neck beard and steals
the hearts of ladies every
where? That’s right! Agent
Sexty-Seven! This year’s King
of Hearts has been crowned!
Another epic competition
for the title of the
annual male beauty
pageant has come
and gone. There
were hearts stolen
and hearts broken,
but in the end there
was only one win
ner who captured
his audience! The
competitors, voted
in by the Montreat
student body, made
a strong showing
of talent, creativity,
humor, manliness
and, well....skin.
Yeah, skin.
Freshman rep
resentative Col
ton Gera made a
dramatic entrance,
rushing back from
his mountain man
escapades just in time to
make the show. His swimsuit
display proved to be on the
mild side of what we were to
see that night, but his ripped,
sharpie-etched chest was
definitely one of his strong
points (ho pun intended).
He had a little two-song rap
routine with original mate
rial that was pretty impres
sive and had the audience
thumping out beats. But
Babette expressed her true
feelings for Colton. Need
less to say, he might be in
counseling for a while.
Next up was the Country
Man, sophomore Josh Platt.
This guy was stealing women
then the poor guy was in
for a shocker in his question
and answer time. Ever had a
professor hit on you? In the
most controversial moment
of the night, judge Princess
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not
boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love
does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always
protects, always trusts, always hppes, always perseveres.”
I Corinthians 13:4-7
left and right with his farmer
muscles and country charm.
Some of the audience didn’t
appreciate the theft of their
girlfriends by this dancing
hick. Platt had quite the
show for his swimsuit rou
tine, stripping down to a lit
tle dress and finally a pair of
short, tight swim trunks by
some overly excited female
fans. This was met with some
laughs and groans. Platt
definitely captured his audi
ence with his “Evolution of
Dance” routine, highlighted
by his goofy smile through
the whole thing. He finished
strong with the question and
answer time, accompanied
by a 2D Hannah Montana,
whom he flung into the
crowd at the end.
“We’re the Dancers”
was the favorite line of our
African junior, Nathan
Dimmock.
Causing his
fair share of
problems
amongst
men with la
dies, Nathan
was the wild
man of the
show. The
second most
controversial
moment
came when
Nathan,
with a hairy
Steve Nelson
and a shaved
(minus the
face) Jacob
Clement
in leotards
accompanied
“Beyonce”
as her back up dancers.
Hilarious as this was, men
in high heels and leotards
are likely to damage even
the most secure fans and
there were many a painful
expression throughout that
crowd. Nathan proceeded
to sing a Frank Sinatra song,
then attempted to respond
the judges’ questions in his
native tongue with Craig
Walston as interpreter, which
generated some laughs.
Now for the man of the
night—the King of Hearts,
Agent Sexty Seven! Senior
Dane Haskell came out
with class, wearing a tux
and a bow tie with his Bond
persona. Honesdy though,
I never remembered Bond
having such a furry face.
Dane generated many laughs
with his rather unorthodox
fighting technique, even
defeating a foe with a sword
by throwing a pen, proving
“the pen is indeed mightier
than the sword.” The humor
did not cease there as he
made his swimsuit show
ing. In a dress shirt, bow
tie and board shorts on
the beach, chained to his
lovely lady and attached to
a battery by jumper cables,
Dane’s predicament was the
highlight of this most un
usual swim suit display. His
enemies made very sure that
he would be drown by the
incoming tide. But a popsicle
stick hidden in his beard
saved the man and his girl.
Agent Sexty-Seven proved
to be a true heart breaker in
his talent act. He broke the
hearts of a half dozen women
who adored him, each in his
I (continued on pg. 7) |