Volume 81 No. 7
Grimsley High School
801 Westover Terrace
Greensboro, NC 27408
Thursday, March 24, 2005
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Grimsley teacher admits
wild clubbing addiction
A long-time Grimsley teacher, realizing that
recognizing her problem is the first step on the
arduous road to recovery, has finally admitted her
long-term addiction to clubbing. Though clubbing
is usually considered a youthful activity, Ms.
maintains that there is, in fact, a clubbing scene for
those who list their ages as simply 29 plus.
Ms. U, however, has recently decided to leave
that scene, noting its adverse effect on her health and
well-being. In fact, Ms. U chose to abstain from
clubbing during this past Lenten season. The 40 days,
though, have been tough for Ms. U, who is finding
that her addiction —now suppressed—is
manifesting itself in her daily life. When questioned
about her favorite clubbing activity, for example,
Ms. U quipped,
"Did you guys ever do the whip in the
skating rink?"
Names have been changed
Chuck E. Cheese’s keeps holding it down
as a place “where a kid can be a kid”
This reviewer and his
maniac drummer friend
brave a crowd of crazed
four-year-olds to
rediscover the joys of
miniature amusement
park/pizza buffet Chuck E.
Cheese’s.
By Pete Townshend
Windmilling guitarist
extraordinaire
Entering the local Chuck E.
Cheese's fun-and-games res
taurant with a contemporary of
mine, Keith Moon, I was aston
ished to find so many stark rav
ing mad children running
about the establishment. The
kids' ages ranged from
mewling and drooling to pre-
pubescent, but one could
hardly tell the difference just
from looking. They all seemed
retarded to us.
Moon and I considered very
seriously purchasing some to
kens from the token-selling-
man. However, we decided
against it because we are rich
enough to buy out the Chuck
E. Cheese restaurant itself. I
mean. Moon lives in a castle in
England for chrissake. And
anyways, he is so outrageous,
if we wanted to get our hands
on any of those dinky trinkets,
the dude would just swipe 'em.
And those rides. I mean,
c'mon. Back in the day, when a
kid had to walk seven miles
barefoot and dehydrated in the
snow to mess around in a
Chuck E. Cheese, all I ever got
to play on was one of those
dumb up-and-down spaceship
things. Some of those rides had
some blinker lights and repeti
tive high pitched sounds.
Aside from that, they were
lame. And guess what, folks...
They're still pretty lame. I
mean, kids are just so easily
entertained, they run around
doing lame stuff all day long.
Bypassing the not-so-tempt-
ing-looking pizza buffet. Moon
and I found a seat in the front
and center of the audience.
And by audience, I mean no
one was there except for the
two of us and some old guy.
There were paper cups and
plates set up for what would
apparently be a crazy party.
And I am being serious about
the craziness because you know
those four-year-olds can throw
down like nobody's business.
The kids do not care about
the music show. All they want
are those dang tokens so they
can sit on one of those lame
rides and win some cheap trin
kets. But anyways. Moon and I
watched the show with the
most positive in
tent possible.
And by that, I
mean we
laughed a whole
lot. It was ridicu
lous, and I mean
absolutely ab
surd. The band
consists of a
bunch of
animatronic
members who
cannot play their
own instruments.
And they were
all clearly lip-
synching.
So, needless to
say. Moon and I
were disap
pointed with the whole Chuck
E. Cheese's experience. The
band was far too robotic for my
taste and had no pizazz. How-
ever, I have a feeling that the
Internet i
Not as friendly as he appears, kids. Stay
away...unless you are in a mellow kind of
mood. Then it's actually pretty funny.
next time I decide to go to a
nearby Chuck E. Cheese, there
are certain preparations that
can be arranged in order to en
sure a more festive trip.
Featured
Portside
Abraham Lincoln back
from dead, out for blood
Zombie Abe terrorizes
D.C.
Brains...
Walkway cover blown
away by slight breeze
And the funny part is it's
not a joke.
Page won
Good headline later
Procrastination always
pays off now.
(Page lost)
News 1
Opinion who cares?
Features Fiddy
Sports Flip it over