Newspapers / The Charlotte Observer (Charlotte, … / March 22, 1908, edition 1 / Page 17
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SECOND SECTION . . SECOND SECTION. Twenty-Four p; Twenty-Four Pages The Relation of the Northern Commis sion House to the Southern Cotton Hill Written fer The Observer "While our cotton spinner are ex hausting very practical mean or , , economy to avert threatened losses their Investments and property, ' . "! yet save employment to those who - L-Ve absolutely dependent upon such Vemployment for a' living, , the time ' eerns propitious to discuss an econ votny In the cotton mill Industry more ' to be desired than the reduction cf " the sweafearned wages of .the mill operative or the curtailment of pro duction. To the Southern manufacturer, and - especially to those around whose fac . torles, in country communities, thous ands and thousands of families are living1 In dependence and confidence, the welfare of this people is a mat ter of warm, personal and even af fectionate regard.- In such commu nities, the factory 4s the only-source of support and supply to the family, from whose earnings many plain lit tle ho asee have been built And are called "home." and here Innumerable children must be fed and clothed. They cannot afford to leave and want J appears imminent 11 iney remain. Here, where the employer and em ploye work, walk and live In demo cratic unity and aocord, ts there need -to ask why the spinner Is reluctant to close his factory and take from those, whom he knows to be needy and "worthy, the common necessaries of - llfet And yet, under present meth ods and conditions 'and the contagious cry tor curtailed production and re duction and reduced wages, what is the alternative? , ' Let us squarely face the Issue, and - jnlt for awhile talking about the cost and amount of production, and turn to the expense of selling our production. v The usual, common sense, and prac tical way of selling his goods adopted by the manufacturer in almost every avenue of legitimate ' business Is to end -a representative to the people who can use his product and solicit patronage. Not so with the cotton plnnerl Come subtle and myste . Ho us sentiment which has - almost become 'an absurd. - conviction has been Ingrafted upon the Southern mill man that It Is Impracticable for him to sell to the trade .direct; so that, . by almost immemorial custom, every sale from the 1st of January to the last' day of December is made through a Northern commission house, to which the spinner pays ( i per cent of the gross amount tor effecting the aa!e. and an additional I per cent to remit the proceeds of the sale la ten days. The assertion that the spinner sub mits to one of the most arbitrary and expensive methods of marketing his - production ever fastened upon a dis tinctive manufacturing industry. Is neither new nor original; . but when. In periods of depression Ilka at pres ent, -it-U-realUedlharth is commls- slon and discount paid by the srn manufacturer -. to the Northern eommlsston house would equal a div idend of ten to. twenty per cent., to every mill whose capital does not exceed the value of its corporate as sets, the suggestion does, become a startling "one, and should call for de-.j . termlned. vigorous and concerted ac tion upon the part of the spinners throughout the wnoie soutn. It is estimated that during the inarle vear of 1807 at least one and a half million dollar were paid by the cotton spinners .of the State oi North Carolina alone to the commis sion houses In Philadelphia, New York, Boston and Providence, to cover this 6 per cent, commlslon; ana, on top of that, another million dollars tribute under the, 3 per cent, discount charge. . . - - The profits made by the commls slon men plus all the expenses incl dent to their buslnes represents the cost to the spinners of selling their yarns a cost estimated - to oe, ac cording to the different kind of yarns made, from one to ten cenis upon ev ery pound manufactured by them And then talk about economy in cut ting wages,, which would not reduce the cost more than one-half to one cent ner pound even If a cut as high as 25 per cent were made1 upon the entire pay roil oi tne ooutnern mnia " Asraln. note the proportionate In crease in the cost per pound as you curtail production! The more you curtail the greater the cost per pound while the commission and discount like Tennyson's brook, runs- on for ever at the rate of one to ten cents per pound.: -.- ' The spinner Is thoroughly' conver sant with his cost table of produc tion, but as to the detailed expense of selling that production his infor mation is nil. Answering the com plaint of a mill man, on this point the representative of a commission house once made the ingenious sug gestion "to Include the commission and discount in as part of the cost of production and let it go at that." . The expense to si commission house In selling a bale of yarn may possible amount .to 6 per cent of the pro ceeds realized from that sale,' when It is considered that such expenses In part Include city office and spa cious ware rooms at high rentals, large forces of competent and well paid clerks and stenographers, insurance, storage, charges and telegraph bills, hauling to and from said warehouses, the salaries and expenses of traveling men not in selling yarns but in visiting the spinner to secure his tproduct; and lastly, that the remnants of the said 8 . per cent be sufficient to show a profit on the capital in vested to conduct the business. It is not controverted that to meet such expense the 6 per cent commission Is reasonable. It. could be greater no argument on that point either! But the point presented to the spin ner Is, all the sources of expense referred to would be eliminated, save v '"he traveling expense and salary of a -alesman. by selling his yarns direct iji'jthe consumer. 'J !hlle this 5 per cent commission f LL be a reasonable charge from the commission man's standpoint It Is hard to see where there can be any Justified -defense of the levy of S per cent mode by the commission nouses as "discount for cash in ten days" a system by which the com mission men use the proceeds from the sales of one mill to meet the ma turing account of another mill and Charge the latter 3 per cent on the amount so paid; and then, when the account of the first mill matures he Is charged 3 per cent on the money which is used to pay his account which is realized from the sales of a third mill, snd so on ad Infinitum. Reduced to an explanation In as few words as possible, it is a plan of one mill paying the account of another mill, with 3 per cent on each and very, payment to the commission man. In full corroboration of this statement a commission house, upon which a draft was recently drawn payable ten days after shipment felt justified in dishonoring the draft with this surprising admission; "SelUng yarn on time and paying spot cash to the mill would require an - immense capital to carry on an ordinary busi ness." When a -ten days', draft is regarded by the -commission men as "spot cash," there is little wonaer that "ten days" discount has become a period of time with a . satirical meaning to the spinner. The vicious feature of the "I per cent discount .cash in ten days clause, contained in every sales con tract, lies in the fact that these "ten days' are construed to mean any pe riod of time which Will suit the con venience of the commission house- especially when business is done on an insufficient capital and one mill account is paid from the proceeds of another. ' And, please . remember, this 3 per cent. Is retained whether remittance Is made in the ten days cr- ln forty days. ' Some commission houses with -"an Immense capital to carry on an ordi nary business" though their names are not" legion substantially conform to the sales contract in their remit tances; while others have abrogated to - themselves the Interpretation of the contract as ten days after arrival of goods a date - which could only be checked up by the shipper by puttlhg a tracer after every shipment; while still others, though a sale may have 'been effected by telegraph on the usual terms, will prefix the ten In the contract with the figure thirty and a hyphen, often without being de tected by the spinner, thus making the discount period forty days, and then, , in about ten days after ship ment the spinner will receive his money, less the 8 per cent and less 6 per cent' Interest on - the : remit tance for the unexpired thirty days. - .The statement will scarcely be cred ited by business men in other lines of industry, that the cotton spinner is totally and absolutely ignorant as to the .names of any consumers, of his yarns. : , Cotton mill men in busi ness for twenty years and more, who have sold their production through the commission house, ; can do- no more than' hazard the merest kind of a guess as to the final disposition of their yarns now or at any time during that entire period. And, not withstanding - that there are many weaving - mills which may have a special use and need for his produc tion, and . would be willing to pay the full market price with a premium for a particular kind of uniform quality of yarn, yet this spinner is compelled through the commission house system to meet the competitive price of each and every other rival mill regardless of quality of yarn. Or, if he should sell through several com mielon houses, he not Infrequently, through the strenuous efforts of each house to effect a sale, enters Into competition, with - himself on his own goods this being. the invariable ar gument of the .commission man him self to demonstrate to a spinner the T3uth-raagitntnr r h r...i through only one commlslon-house. 'Eliminate the commission house as the mcdluaishlp of marketing yarns, and the ' consumer is- aa irresistibly drawn to the producer for his supply as the producer will be, to seek the consumer as the market for his pro duction. , Moreover, an opportunity will be afforded. which , has never, heretofore, existed, for a better , un derstandlng and closer relationship between the' producer and consumer, which will allow the spinner to study at short range the particular needs or his customers, and in this way es tablish a surer and steadier market and a uniformity in price, much lees likely , to be disturbed in periods oi speculation or the inevitable after math of reaction and- liquidation. Every commission man is vehement in asserting that his house does not buy yarn for. speculative purposes, though he' never falls to make the in ference fairly plain that other houses are to De shunned on this account Tet what would be more natural. when -yarns are active and there is an upwagi tendency In price, than for the commission man to outbid his rival in order to hold the ac counts of mills who have been regu lar patrons, as well as to. secure new business?" It is this competition, the commission men virtuously - acclaim. which enables the spinner to secure a higher price for. his product It really does nothing of the sort but on the contrary. It creates a fictitious and speculative market; and, if such competition is carried far enough, large accumulations of stock are left In the warehouses of the commission houses. Then follows the reaction and depression In prices until these stocks are closed out - " It; is - only fair, to - state that the commission man's contention is that their commission . and discount charges are earned by the higher prices which they are able to obtain than the spinner could secure If he old- his yarns direct; so that he asserts, these charges are really paid by the consumer and not by the spinner -at alt See how ridiculous their, argument Is when framed up in this way: Would the consumer be willing to pay the commission men anywhere from one to ten cents a pound extra, according to different kind of yarns, for - the privilege of making his purchases through the commission house? No, Mr. Manufac turer, you pay these charges and you pay them whether you are oper ating your mill at a profit or at a loss; and don't imagine that the consumer would close down his factory out of sympathy. if the .commission - man were to lose his Job. - In ordinary business affairs a bona fide contract has a meaning. It it binds one party. It binds all the par ties, and for a breach of the? contract the law gives compensation for the loss or damage sustained; but in the cotton mill business, the latent am biguity of the sales contracts Is well understood by the less responsible commission houses. For, when prices advance beyond, the figure at which a spinner has accepted an order, the commission man will rightfully en force the contract at the price named in it; and, of course, Is Intolerant of any suggestion of cancellation by the mill. It really don't make much difference whether the specified quan tities are made- upon the specified dates or not or It a few bales should not strictly average up to the sample. A contract when prices are advanc ing, is a contract and if the spinner has made a bad trade, he must recog nise his legal obligation to live up to his contract . In such cases the commission house is a party to the contract and has the legal right to enforce it Right! But what is the position taken by these same houses toward the spinners who had the foresight to place orders at good prices before the heavy decline set in during the past six months? Not only have these contracts, in many, many cases been cancelled upon every conceivable pre text and technicality, but some cf the same fellow who were loudest In clamoring for the enforcement of their contracts last summer when. prices were advancing, are now at tempting to; show- that they are not real parties to such contracts, having acted merely as agents,' upon a com mission basis, In the interest of the spinner in selling . his product and this product is now being thrown back on the spinner' with the bit-oft statement-that' the -customer of the commission man says the yarn "Is not satisfactory." . Or. If-deliveries had not been begun, that his custom er does not need the yarn and, there fore, the order la cancelled. . How many mills' In North Carolina have been fortunate enough to escape such experiences,' during , the past ' six months? Mr. Manufacturer, your contracts are all right when prices are going up, but do not place much re liance in them when prices take a slump. - - Listen to the following statement contained in a recent fetter from a well-known commission . house .as showing the attitude of these houses in the. matter of cancellation of con tracts, which argument Is always put into use after the market has declin ed under the price at which a con tract has been, accepted: - "The manufacturer (consumers of yarns) as you undoubtedly know have formed a large association and one and all are Insisting that the quality of yarns furnished them muet be first class in every respect and that they will not accept the quality of yarns that the mills South have been. fur nishing them for the last few years.'? - This from a concern which has not a dollar inverted in your business BEPLY TO MB. O.B. WATSON 1 fimrB pnpinRtTffur ARGUMENT; '" " ' - Mr. L. B. Wet more, of Llncolnton, Thlnks'Mr. Watson is on the Wrong fcide ot This Question and He Be - lieves That Reliicion Should Be In- Jected Into Politics and Disputes Mr. Watson on tHe Question of : Self-Government -Never Could .See the Justice of a High Uccnso Law. To the Editor of The Observer: -While I cannot hope to equal Hon. C. B. Watson in my choice of lan guage,, and while I know that his ex tended reputation as being a great lawyer will induce many people to read his article In last Sunday's Ob server who will pass mine by, yet, I deem .lt not presumptiou to point OUt a few of the . int-onslatenclea that r appear in what Mr. Watson wrote on the temperance and prohibition ques tion. . "Without trying to take -his state ments in the order In which they were made I call attention to the fol lowing, viz: He says that a few years ago when dlstillerie began to disap pear In this State churches and school houses sprang up everywhere where distilleries had been before. I am not giving his exact" language, but the substance. And then he argues in favor of the still house and the sa loon. I must confess I -am not able to se the force of such an argument He speaks of the Anglo-Saxon race as a people who has always Indulged in strong drink, and argue from that fact that strong drink builds up a race. If this be so why does Mr. Watson proposes to limit the output at all. Why does he propose to put a license tax upon tne production and the sale of an article that is such a great "builder up" of the human race. If the manufacture and sale of -whis key be a good thing for us, why not let us nave more and more of tne good thing?. Why not let its manu facture and sale be as free and open as the manufacture and sale of bread. -Does he think it possible that w can have too much of a good thing? If strong drink is an upbullder of the human race either mentally, physi cally, or morally, then the Bible Is a lie; civilization a farce and Christian ity a vain thing; for it is a well-known tact that these three have proclaim ed against fought against and tried to chain the demon "strong drink" almost ever since 'man was organised into society. . Mr. Watson says that' he objects to mixing politics and Church, and that by the bringing of this great question before the people politician have an opportunity to use the pul pit to further their own ends. This Insinuation is unworthy of so great a man as Mr. Watson. The ministers of God's Church throushout this great State are (or the overwhelming ma jority of them are) among the, bright est and best men we have. They are the men who have help ed, more than all . others, to make North Carolina the great - State she now is, and they are the men who have worked without "fear, favor or affection, reward or hope of reward" so far as this world it -concerned, and they are the men who have gotten less' praise and who have deserved more prale than all ot the rest of uj put together. I speak whereot X know. And when these men of God come out solidly for a certain thing you may be very sure that fact instead of proving that par-' tlcular thing wrong proves Just tne contrary and makes their acts and their opinions on this subject the very highest criterion to guide others. 1 agree with Mr. Watson that poll- tics should not be injected into re ligion It might "leven the whole lump" but on the other hand I think it will be a brisrht day for this State (or any other Htate for that matter) whn more religion Is Injected into politics. It might do away with a tot of falsehood, slander and backbiting and politician might then quit acting on the principle that Cain acted on One wordy on self-government when he defiantly proclaimed "Am 1 which does not consume a pound of your yarn a parasite which is kept alive upon, the commission and dis count fed to it by the-"mills South" now advocating repudiation of con tracts when,' less than twelve months ago, it was scrambling tor the "same quality of , yarns that the mills South. nave Deen furnishing them for tne last few years'-' and Insisted upon the delivery of every pound -of, such yarns at prices' from 25 per cent to 40 per cent, higher than present quotations. . If the "mills South" are . under the accusation of sacrificing, the quality of their production for quantity, what incentive is there, . it " may ' be asked, for one mill to strive for superior quality when the commission house can and will substitute, with an un known customer, the inferior yarn of a rival mill because you will not meet his competitive price? It may "be that your yarn Is in . demand in this unknown source but you don't know it! All that you are likely to be advised is that unless you meet a cer tain price you lose the order. 'Sup pose you could have a straight face-to-face talk with this unknown . cus tomer, do you think that you -would be asked to ' meet the competitive price of some rival mill when you could demonstrate the inferior qual ity of his yarn? , - Tet under the present selling system, yarns , good, bad and indifferent all take "pot luck;" and no wonder the consumer becomes disgusted with the lack of uniform ' yarn furnished' him by the "mills South." And all because with the commission house it is .not' a BATTLESHIP NEW HAMPSHIRE, Latest Addition to the Navy. my brother's keeper?" One word . oa r 'self-government These two little words "self-govern-eminent" have been the cause of more trouble - and roes - misunder standings In the legal and political world than almost any other two words. ". . . -: ' Under our form of government these words mean the will of the ma Jority or else they mean nothing, tiut enrewa politicians can so handle these two words a to play upon the fears and prejudices, the Ignorance and passions of men, as to distort their meaning Into anything that the hear er wishes them to mean, or into any-' thing that the speaker intends that they shall mean. Self-government in its final analysis means simply self control. , And local self-government In its final analysis means self control by the Individual unit Look at It as you may you cannot escape this logical conclusion. Hence It would follow If you laid this down as the law to govern human actions there would be no law and no gov ernment at all, for self control (that is each man making laws for himself) would soon degenerate into the utter lack of all law and the absence of all control. Every - lawyer knows (as Indeed does almost every intelligent man) that when society was formed the In dividual gave up many of the rights that ' hs had in a state of nature for' the good and protection he de rived from being a member of the human society. r-.Ai Mr. vauon and others who are op posed to prohibition by law contend that such a law would take away from the individual his right to sell stuff that makes others weak and worthless, and would also take away from others the proud right of mak ing themselves weak and worthies Yes, that is so.- It will tend to take Just those proud rights from the Indi vidual. And yet the laws we have and that the civilized world has had for centuries take away from the In dividual rights of even a higher grade than the right to sell liquor and to get drunk. We have a State law against usury. A man who has money has no right under the law to take advantage ot his fellow man's weakness or ne cessity and charge ' him what he pleases for the use of his money, Tet does any one contend that we should hot have a usury law. We have laws against the social vice, and yet will any one contend that we should abol ish such laws simply because they In terfere with the right of the man and the woman to do as they please. We have laws against gambling. But would Mr. Watson or any other man say these law should be done away with on the ground that when two or mors men gamble each one knows he Is risking loss and elects to take the risk? Or would Mr. Watson say that each town in the - Slate should have nothing to do wlth.lt? The laws of decency require that hu man ibelng shall wear clothes, while no doubt In a state " of - nature the primitive man not only had a right to go naked but did ro withont clothe. W have sanitary law to prevent the generation and spread of disease; and yet you will not hear any one con tend that a man should be allowed to keep even hi own house or his own yard full of filth. . Under our Bute form of govern ment the will of . majority rule, and that is ss it should be or, at1 least the mind of man has not yet conceived of a better form of govern ment . The true doctrine ot local self-government applies only in those instan ce when the act to be done or left undone doe not and cannot in its very nature effect any others than those In a given community: Such, for Instance s the right of a State to say what taxes shall be put en Its citizen for purely State pur pones, or the right of a county (through It commissioner or otherwise) to say what taxes shall be put upon the cit izen of that particular- county for rule will apply to a town or city purely local purpose. And this same h!ch taxes hs cltlxens for municipal purpose. , - ' ' ' ".... . ' .... J : ..... ' ' - " " : T-' - ' L- - ' " . "X J ')i. 1 "' ' X ' - question of a permanent and estab lished trade tor the years to come. but simply a matter of the present pending sale a question ot nis -acuity to secure yarn to. fill orders If not from one mill then from some other mill. His interest' is not as to quality of yarn, but solely in the quantity in the amount and number of sales, ' for- on the volume of his business, with S per cent commission and 3 per cent discount, the profits of. that business are msase and meas ured. : - ; .; We are apt to be somewhat face tious . over the attempts to organize the farmers with the view of putting a fixed and arbitrary price on cotton, but here are a few points we may learn from our farmer friends which could be applied With much profit in our )wn business: . ' First: He sells his cotton without paying a commission to anyone; sec ond, he pays nobody a discount for handing his money back to him, and, third, when he sells his cotton it stays sold. ' . , . , The remedy, whatever will be most epeclflo and effective, , lies entirely with the spinners. . But there should be no half-way measure, no compro mises as to the end in view, and that is, the total extinction of the prohibi tive expense and dominating Influence of a foreign Institution which is both an Irritant and menace to the cotton manufacturing Industry of the South and deny it who will. - . ' SPINNER. Stateevllle, March 17th. 1808. . true legal doctrine of local self-government (except in the minds of some tew people) that gives any man or set ot men the right to debauch jthe citizens of that particular com munity in' which' they Hva or the clt isens of any other community. . I suppose (leaving the moral ques tion aside) the primitive man had a right to get drunk and his brother had a right to take any advantage of his infirmities and weaknesses that was possible under any given state of circumstances.- . . ' . The will of the stronger was the law; Just a it is now the law with the brute creation. But any student knows that the very first principle of organized society was to pas law to protect the weak sgalnst the strong. .Now this strength- to be be protected against may not- and does not consist of physical (or even mental) strength, alone, nor does the weakness ' to be protected consist merely ot bodily or -mental weakness es. The application is obvious. While primarily a man may'have the right to convert the fruits of the earth In to a soul-and-body-destroylng bever-i age (the moral question aside) or the right to get drunk, yet it la a well-1 known and .settled principle of law that whenever a man's right to do a certain thing conflicts with or Inter-1 feres with the superior rights of an other man the lesser right must give way to the greater, and (if need be) be annihilated. So a man's right to make and sell liquor, or a man's right to use liquor must give way to the superior rights of others; for In stance, the right of the wife and children to have their dally bread; the right of the children to get an education; the right ot the State to have sound and healthy citizens (mentally and physically) to defend It In time of war and to make Its lawn and run the machinery of gov ernment in time ot peace; the right of the community to be relieved of the burdens of taxation caused by murder trials and other like trials; the right of the citizen to the fruit of his toll, snd a host of other supe rior rights that the sale and use of liquor Interferes with. Again Mr. Watson says (In effect) that prohibition will not prohibit If he be correct In, that and also correct in his statement about whiskey hav ing done so much to build uo the Anglo-Saxon race, then cy all mean he ahould vote for It and work for It to produce the result he seem to desire, more liquor and better liquor. You may a well argue that the law- against gambling should be re pealed because some men will gamble anyhow; or that the law against us ury should be repealed for the same reason. Or you mf a welt argue that because sin will exist a long a this old world of ours exists w ought to quit fighting against sin and the churches ought to be pulled down and the ministers put at some other work. As for myself (and my opinion may not be worth much) I could never see the Justice or the morality in a high license law. if It be right to make, and sell liquor as a bever age then I cannot understand why a man should be made to pay a high price for so doing; and If It be wrong to so make and sell liquor then I cannot se why a man should be per mitted to do "wrong provided he pays for the privilege. This license tax a I take Jt was a kind of compromise because many of our people had got ten a wrong start on the temperance question years and years ago but now that they have been educated up to a higher plane lets have the higher (or better) law. I know Mr. Watson and I admire him personally and a a lawyer, but I think he ha got on the wrong aide of thi question. a - It remain to be seen what the peo ple think on this matter. I am glad that it is not being mad a political issue, and, whatever be the will of the people a expresited at the noils, Mr. Watson a well a mvneif will nc quteee. L. B. WETMORE. Llncolnton. March 20th, ItOt. Practical Jokes and Jokers The Joke a a candidate for 'cur rent comment rapidly emerging from the pent up Utlca of the comic weeklies. ..Numerous instances in the news attest the importance of this form ot pleasantry in the history ot the period. Everything is grist that comes to the mill of the , practical Joklst of to-day , , , Controller Met, of New York, on opening bids for the 15,000.000 of ten year assessment bonds found oao otter of 105.6 for tJO.000 of the UnA. As this figure was wUhin one of be ing the highest received, the official was not unnaturally elated and open ed a once a correspondence with the bidder, one "Dorse y Foultx, of Wash ington, D. C." Some one. with an exquisite sense ot humor, had entered this bid in the name of a character who tor eleven years has been a by word for the Jokers ot the national capital. Dorsey Foults, a negro des perado, murdered another freeman, and in August, 1S0S, when pursued by the police, disappeared in a sewer and has not since 'been seen. - When ever the Washlngton;ans seek to ex press the mysterious the name of Dorsey Foults is employed. He has (taken the place ot the - imaginary "Cinders" of a score of years ago. , Jovial cut-ups, determined to make the bridal trip of Mr. and Mrs. James Jenkins memorable, attached 'to the carriage which was to convey them to the station a quantity ot old shoes, unfilled bottle and tin cans that had outlived their original usefulness. These attentions, it was ' confidently predicted, would result in .experiences caluculated to throw the Joker Into paroxysms of mirth. The plan did not miscarry. Everybody sa the Joke except the horses attached to the carriage. When the cans began to rattle against the wheels and the glass bottles to break from contact with the Sides of the vehicle the rtery, un tamed steeds forgot all about the re quirements ot the occasion and bolted Just ilka ordinary non-bridal horses. They ran away with such vigor and enthusiasm as to bi:ng about a col lision with an English avenue trolley car. The car hit the horses, knocked them down, wrecked the carriage and the bride and bridegroom t were thrown with much force, many feet along the roadway. A prosaic drug gist did all tie could to undo the work of the Jokers. A merry passenger aboard the Amerlka, ' of the Hamburg-American line, on a recent trip to this port threw his hat over-board and raised the alarm that a human being was in the grasp of the relentless sea. The ship was behind - hor schedule, but the captain promptly gave orders to stop and a small boat and life pre servers were. put out For ten min utes the search was kept up, and then,- feeling further effort would be useless, the captain gave orders for "the abandoning trf the hunt and the entire passenger list or the liner gave way to the sadness mat must ever be felt at so sudden a death. Later the rejoicings of a steerage voyager at the success of his Jest drew upon him attentions that he had not included In his plan ot celebration. The birth rate as a subject for the wit of certain Jokers has a worthy companion in the death list, as shown by the recent near Bereavement In the family of William Fletcher, of Lawrence street (New, York. The brother and " sister-in-law of Mr Fletcher received by telephone the sad tidings that William was no more had, in fact dropped dead in the street Other relatives were notified, and the repining was general. The aid of the police was asked In order that the deceased be located and the last sad rites administered with fit ting ceremony. The police discover ed William so filled with amusement as to be scarcely Intelligible. . He managed to articulate, however, that the announcement of his death had been telephoned ' by himself "as a Joke." The fancy of a person styling him self "W. H. Clark, an Idaho horse man," lightly turned to thoughts of railroads, and he presented himself before the agent of the Chicago and Northwestern at Fremont and gave an order that made that official gasp. He spoke of shipping a string of horse to Maine, and to - carry out this design gave orders for seventeen of the best equipped palace stock cars, five box car, a hotel Pullman for himself and assistants, and a lot of accessories. He wa sent to Gen eral Agent Miller at Omaha, and thereafter waa in communication with agents of many Eastern road, all eager to take care of him in their particular territory. , After the State of Illinois had been scoured for cars sufficient to meet the requirements of "Mr. Clark" and the caravan, had been assembled In Chicago, the per petrator of the Jest disappeared. Young Mr. Barnett Barnett-Pow-era, who had newspaper ambition, suggested to hi friend William F. Kant man that it would be a braw thing to figure In a runaway match at the Little Church Around the Cor ner. So Mr. Eastman and the young woman to whom he was attentive ap pealed at the rectory door, but tn consideration went no further. Com ing away they met Mr. Barnett Bar-nott-Powers and next morning his paper ' printed an article saying Mr. Eastman and the young woman had Intended a sudden marriage, but that at the parsonage door Mr. Eastman's courage failed him and no induce ment on the part ot the lady availed. Ths parents of the girl asked tor an explanation and the young men said it wa all - - a Joke. The parents couldn't see it that way. Neither could the big brother of the victim of publicity. Michael Sanza, of Brooklyn, had a tender heart and so when his friend! Lulgl Angelulcl came to him with aj tale of robbery and subsequent destl- i tutlon Sanza started a subscription! list When he had collected $12 he. prepared to turn.lt over to Luigt' FlrM, however, he would make a small Joke, which he did In this lang-; uage: "The poor are always wim us." Lulgl held a different view as to wiat constituted a proper Jest and In emphasizing Ols opinion, he had occasion to shoot Michael twice in the head, so that the Joker died forth with. Girl friend of young Josephine HocbardeL of Lockport. N. Y enter tained her during her illness with en account of the rare Jokes thy had played on some ot th?tr acquaint- ances. Josephine laughed so heartily over the Jokes that she overtaxed her heart, and death ensued. Lon .Wheeler, a .wealthy resident of Princeton, Ind., died as the result of. a pleasantry . perpetrated by a frolicsome friend. This friend, hold ing a lighted cigar near Mr. Wheel er's face, suddenly asked Wheeler to turn around, and a this was done the cigar lightly touched the victim's cheek. Both gentlemen enjoyed hugely the merry Jest In a tew months, however, a cancerous growth, appeared on the spot where the flesh had . been: burned, and.-growing rap-, idly, caused Mr. .Wheeler's death. "If you will get me a drink of wa-' ter I will give you a check for $.'' said Henry Keemen, ot Allen street' to his little brother David, the time being the i middle ot the night and Henry liking his ease. David oblig ed, but on the morrow demanded his; pay, so Henry made out a check for. $8. When David tried to cash it at the shop of a neighboring- butcher his explanation wa unsatisfactory and the arrest ot the Kieemena fol lowed. "The check 1 a Joke on, David,"' explained Henry. Then the magistrate explained that check Jokes put ' their - perpetrators ' right In line for the house with the little door and the Incident was declared closed. - Henry Domlnyi. of Buffalo, an- swered a ' matrimonial "ad", and re ceived a letter and a phptoga;.i cf a comely young woman ot Caldwell.. N. J., Sophie Ellis by name. , Henry's ardor waxed with startling rapidity.,' and when the proper negotiations had been concluded he sot out for Cald- well and boldly knocked at the door, of Miss Ellis' abode. On that charm-. er"s appearance he kissed her repa.u-. cdly and with fine enthusiasm, then, bade, her prepare for the minister, and the trip to Buffalo. Miss EU1.V averring that Mr, , Domlnyi was a.! stranger to. her, both in the matter of name and face, refused all hi offers.. It developed that the photograph and; letters had been semt Domlnyi by Mis Sophie's friend,. Rose Galasch.. and' Mr. Domlnyi got off at Buffalo alone., . ..... -. - Dr. Julius Adolphl Qottlleb. Just for the fun of the thing, prepared an Imitation infernal machine and sent' it off to his respected father-in-law.; Morris Olucksman, a wealthy resident' of the Yorkvllle section.- That the-1 bomb did not explode-and cause the' death ot the resident abated nothing of the wrath of that gentleman, and he had his son-in-law incarcerated wkth neatness and dispatch. Dr.i Gottlieb, languishing in durance for quite a while gave voles to many bit- ter reflections aimed at those In' whom the quality of humor was lack-' ing. ' Several royaterlng young blades visited a Wllllam3urg bakery where' Wlinam Schrenk wa employed and determined to- have fun. if It . killed them or him. So, -while one of the party held the baker's attention another placed a lighted candle In Sthnerk'a pockot. Then they retired' to await developments. The came when Schrenk, discovering he was on' fire, mad futile attempt to put out the blaze. He was so seriously burn-, ed his life wa . despaired of tor ,a time. ' An acquaintance of Meng L: Mor. genthau. a wealthy New York candy manufacturer, sent a letter threaten-, Ing If the maker of sweets-did not close his place of business his life would pay the forfeit Just a Joke. A volatile bartender of Rochester,' noting that a patron. Edward Bar rett, slept soundly in the saloon, heat-' ed a copper coin until it had reach-' ed the white stage and then deposited; It on the knee of the slumbering one. Tho Joke was entirely successful, as the coin burned the flesh, caused blood poisoning and necessitated the amputation of Mr. Barrett's leg above the knee. ' Less strenuous was the effect of a Joke upon Mis Barbara Barr. a pretty choir girl of Florence. X. J. A friend, told her the Joke, and for eight hours Miss Barbara laughed and . laughed.' until physician well nigh despaired' f her life. Finally her hysteria was reduced. It is only fair to give the Joke which produced so unusual ant effect and here it is: "A man went to a dentist to have a tooth pulled. It was pulled, and it hurt. "Oh.' doctor,' said the . patient, 'what a. blessing It would be to be born with-, out teeth.' 'But. my dear man said! the dentist "We are. you know.' Benjamin O'Connell. of Brooklyn, had a clock that vnnMn'i K. he told a friend about it, and asked n was a good thing to do to a timepiece that refused to act proper ly. This friend happened to be In a W'ltty turn. SO h arlvian ko. . I. . very best remedy in the world for re- iraciory ciocks -was to boll them in. kerosene. "Just take a big pall, nil' tt with kerosene, place the clock In side, set It on the stove, and let the whole come to a boll." ih . . ' sel. O'Connell dirt in. it.. plosion he and three members of his family had to be cared for by the hospital staff. CXDER EIGHT PRESTDEXTS. A Fourth-Class PoMniaster Who Held Hr Job Since 18. - . A Little Bat Cost! Error. -Philad?lphla Record. -Through a very simple mistake a' business man of this city was forced to spend a good wad of his tightly neia casn tne otner-night. He was scheduled to take his wife to the the atre. Buslnes took him to New York in the daytime, so he told his wife, as he was leaving the house, that he would try to get ticket and would let her know before getting on the train. After securing the tickets he forgot all about informing his wife, snd when he arrived - in New York he suddenly remembered and sent this telegram: "Have gotten tickets. Moet me at Broad Street Station. When he came back to town he waa met bv his wife and el?ht other relatives and friends, all ready for the th?atre. "We're all here, waiting for you." cried his wife; "It's so boo1 of joi to Invite o many." Why. what't1' you mean?" asked the ain.n?,- 1 band. "Here's your teWr-Hri." , -swered the wife, and there It n' large as life, just as the t I. . -had made It "Have got t-n t Curl Trr anl AM "Ar be : "!. Take the ' t -.- . f instance." "Vf e i - tfcl'Uled 3 t. Uu.l"
The Charlotte Observer (Charlotte, N.C.)
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
March 22, 1908, edition 1
17
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