THE ALAMANCE GLEANEIS
VOL. Q.
[HE GLEANER
PUBLISHED WIIKKLY \iY
ELDRIDGE & KERNODLE.
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© t ; m i o v i hiv r .
OWrrr* the Federal Government,
iriE executive.
Rutherford B. Hayes, ot Ohio, President of
the Uni ted States.
William A. Wheeler, of New York, Vice-
President of ths United States.
THE CABINET.
William M. Evarts, of New York, Secretary
v>f Slate
John Sherman, of Ohio, Sec'y. of Treasury.
Gccige W. M McCrary, Secretary of War.
Richard W. Thompson, of Indiana, Secro
tAry of the Navy.
Carl Shuris, of Missouri Sec'y. of the Interior.
Charles Devens, of Massachusetts, Attorney-
General.
David SI. Key, of Teennessee, Fostn-aster-
General. . ,
tllß JUDICIARY,
+IIE SITREME COURT OF THE UNITED
STATES.
R. Wait, of Ohio, Chief Justic^
JJuthan Clifford of Maine,
Nnali H. Sway lie, of Ohio,
J. Miller, of lowa,
David DuVin. of Illinois,
Stephen J. Field, of California,
William M. StWmg, of Pennsylvania,
Joseph P. Br»dl»y, of New Jersey,
Ward Hunt, of New York, Associate Justices.
bbit NtATR «OirKßlV.tlEN'r.
- EXEKCUtIVIi DEPARTMENT.
Thomas J. Jarvis, of Pitt, Governor.
Dawes L. Robinson, of Macon, Lieutenant-
Governor.
VV. ii Saiinders, of NeV Ilaiiover, Secretary
of State.
John M., Worth, of Randolph, Treasurer.
Donald W. Bain, of Wake. Chief Clerk.
T C. Worth, of Randolph, Teller.
Dr. Samuel L. Love, of HayWttod, Auditor.
Thos. S. Kenan, of Wilson. \ttorney-General.
. Jotili C; Scarborough, of Johnston, Superin
tendent of Public Instruction.
Johnston Jones, of Burke. Adjutant-Genera'.
J. McLeod Turner, Keeper of the Capitol.
Shenvubd Haywbod, of Wake, State Libra
rian.
JimiriA it V.
surßEMte couMi
W. N. it. Smith, of Hertford. Chief justice.
John H. Dillard, Thos. S. Ashe. Associates,
W. H. Bagley, of Wake, Clerk of Siipriimc
Couit.
D. A. Wicker, of Waft ft, Marshal;
1 'ROFESsiONAL CARDS.
tfNO. \V. GRAHAM. JAS. A. GRAHAM,
Hillsoiro, N. C. Graham, N. C.
QR4HAH &
AT liAtV,
Practice in the State &nd Federal Courts,
t£"Speci d aitentioh paid to collecting.
•J. D. KERNODLE,
Attorney at Law >
CRAl'un, N.C
Practices in the State and Federal Courts.
>VU faiibfully and promptly attend to all busi
ness intrusted to him.
is. a. parkek.
ATTORNEY,
tiRAHAN.N.C.
»i I'! regularly the Superior Courts of
II I "L. ! Person, Chatham and Ran
uoiph, and the Federal courts at Greensboro.
Business entrusted to him Shall liave faithful
atieritioo,
#-1 80. iy.
T. B. Eldridge,
p ORA IU '
A ' n ' ,le State and Federal Courts,
tenrmf intrusted to hiin shall refeelve
prompt and carefnl attention.
James E, Boyd,
ATTORNEY AT LAW.
~ OFFICR*AT
& Graeasfooro.
lVactic.es in all the Courts.
?/^ han) ' Monday Tuesday and
and Saturday ** r ®®aabero, Thursday,^ Friday
Dr. J. VV. Griffith
DENTIST,
GRAHAM, N. C. T
to do any arid afL kinds 61
the Profession.
***** of u£ m* U *° ' he trealmeDt ° {
AtUj ATTJCNDBB IW Towif OR CoriNTar.
D - H. Albright,
DR S- ALBRtgftT & ALBfiiGHT,
The SDRHBONS.
a i. 11,8 home and the latter at
6-a-ain. lUa ' Chatham county, N. C.
The officers of Uei Majestv'a Twenty
fourth and eigli(y«i'ourtli infantry were
sitting around their mVss in Cas.
tletown, the tlie of Man,
one evening more than thirty, years ago
—lliags, all bkcept one; but theh that
was only Jones. Nobody minded Jones;
even his peculiarities had begun to bo
an old subject tor chaffing, and, indeed,
he had paid such small attention to their
chnffinur J iial they had come to find it
little pleasure, and, after soino weeks of
discomfort, Lieuienant Jones had been
allowed to choose his otfii ploasures
without much interference.
These were not extravagant." A £ta*
voriie book, a long walk in all kinds of
weather, and a sail when the weather
was favbHble. He would not drink, he
said it hurt health: he would not shoot,
lie said it hurt his he would not
gamble, he said it hurt his conscience;
he did not care to flirt or visit the belles
of the capitol, he said it hurt his aflec.
I lone. Once Captain De Reuzv
ly wondered whether it would he possi*
bio to 'hurt his honor,' and Jones calms
ly answered that 'it was not possible for
Captain De Reuzv to do so.'
iiuleed, Jones constantly' violated all!
these gentlemen's ideas of proper be- j
havior, but, lor some reason or other, no j
one brought him to account for it. It
was easier to shiug their shoulders and
cUll hiitl 'queer,' or say, 'it was only
Jones or even quietly asQel't his coward- |
ice. w
Une evening Colonel Under vood was
discussing a hunting party for the next
day. Jones walked inlo the room and
was immediately acoosled :
'Something new, lieutenant. I find
there are plenty ol hares on the island,
and we mean to give puss a run to-mor
row. 1 have heard you are a good rider
will ybl! join us?'
'You must excuse me, Colonel, such a
thing is neither iu the way of duty nor
lay pleasure."
'You forget (lie honor the colonel does
you, Jones,' said Ensign l'oivel.
4 thank the colonel for Ins courtesy,
but I can see no good reason for accept,
ing 11; lam sure my horse will not aps
prove Of ii; and lam sure tlie hare will
not like it; and I ain not a good rider,
therefoie I should not enjoy it.
'You need not bo Hlhiyl,' said ills coN
onel ralber stieeringly; 4 tte country is
qniie open, and theso low Manx walls
are easily taken.
'Excuse me colonel, lam a I raid. li I
should qe hurt il woltld citse my trioMi
er und sisters very great alai in aiid anxi
iety. lam very much afraid ot doing
this.'
What tvns to bo done with a tnan so
obitise regarding conventionalities, and
tvho boldly assorted his cowardice? The
colouel turned away halt cjntempMi
ously, and Ensign Powfell look his
place.,
The morning proved to bfe a vtery bad
one, witli the prospect of a raising stbHli
and, as the party gathered in the bar-*
rack yard, Joues said earnestly to the
coldncl:
♦1 am afraid, sir, you will meet with a
severe storm.'
'I think so, lieutenant; bat we promis
ed to dine at Owuiio Hall, and we shall
gist that far, tit any fate.'
So they rode rather gloomily away in
the rain. Jones attended to the military
duties assigned llirti, and then, about
noon, walked seaward. It was hard
work by this time to keep his footing on
the narrow quay; but, amid ilie blinding
sprriy und uiiSt he saw quite a crowd ol
men going rapidly toward the great snelvs
ing Scarlet flocks, a mile beyond tl.e
town. Ho slopped an old Sailor and
asked:
* «ls anything vfrrong?'
•A lit tic steamer, sir, off (he Crilf ol
Man. She is driving this way, an' in
deed I fear she will be (a rocks alofe ta
uight;'
Jones SiOod still a moment, and then
followed the crowd as fast as the storm
would let him. When he joined thetrt
they were gathered on the summit of
huge cliff, watching the doomed craft.
Slie was now within sight, and it was
evident that her seamfcn fta-i loet all con
trol ol her. She must ere long be flung
by the waves trpou the jagged rocks to.
tfafrd which she was driving. In the
lolls of the wind, not only the booming
oi the mnuiite gtftfa, but a'so the shouts
of ity imperiled crew,could be hdafd.
'What can be done,' said Jouerf to an
old man, whose face befrayed the strong*
i's( emotion.
'Nothing, sir, I art afrafd. If flie'd
manotfed to ronnt t* rocks she would
have gone ta pieces oh fhe sand,- and
there afe plenty offtieri rifto would
risked life to save life. But liow are wo
to reach them iroin this height?'
•How larare we above water?'
I>r. J. A. Albright,
GRAHAM, N. C.. WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 1 1880.
ONI.V JOIXEM.
' I his roi k goes down like a forty
fat boms, sir.', \
'What depth of waler at the foot?'
'Thirty fret or more.' ,
•Good. Have you plenty of light
stVoiig rope.' *-
•Much as you want sir. But let mo (ell
you, sir, you can't live three minutes
down there; la first wave will dash you
fa pieces. Plenty of us would put \ou
down, sir, but you cAn't swim afteV ydu
get do ivii. '
•Do you know old man, what surf
swimming is? I have dived throtigh the
surf at NukhheVA.
'God bless you, sir, I thought no white
man could do the same.'
While the conversation was going 011
Jones was divesting himself of all super
fluous clothing, and culling out the
sleeves ot his hfeavy pea-jacket with his
pocket knife. This dene he pasieii some
light rope through The men
watched him with eager interest, and,
seeing their inquisitive looks, he said:
The thick sleeves will prevent the rope
cutting niy^body.'
'Aye, aye, sir. t I see now wiiat you
are doing.'
'Now, men, I lmvc only one request:
Givejno plenty of rope ap'Jast as I draw
on Wlieii I get m board, jjou
kudw how to make a prnHje, L suppose.
'Aye, aye, sir. Lsul/ftwj£ are you go
ing to reach the water?'
'I am going i.o plunge dotVii. I have
dived from the main>ard of the Ajax be
foie this. It was a high Icjtp.
He passed a double coil of the rope
around bis waist, examined it thorough
ly to sco I hat there was plenty to start
with, and saying, 'Now, friends,, siand
out of the way, and let.itie have" a clear
start/ he raised bis bare head one. - mo
ment towordjheaven, khd, taking a short
run, leaped as it from the t-pringboard o)
a plunge bull).
Such.an anxious crowd as fallowed
that leap! Great numbers, in spite of the
dangerous wind.jlay flat on their breasls
and hatched bi.a. He struck Iho water
at least twenlv-five ieet beyond the cliff,
and disappeared in ii§ dark, foamy
depth. When he rose to the suHacfc lie
saw jtist belore him a gigawfcic wave, but
he had time to breathe, aiiu before it
leached bim he Hived below its centfer.
It broke in passionate luiy upon the
rocks but lones was tar beyond it. A
miglny cheer froin the men on shore
icucht'd htm, and ho now began in good
earnest to put his i'acillc eifiorionce into
[ raclice.
Drawing continually oil the men for
more rope—which they paid out with
deafening cheers lie met wave after
wave in the same manner, diving under
them like an otter, and gelling nearer
tho w.-eck with every wave, reaiiy ad
vancing however more below the water
than above it.
Suddenly the despairing men on board
heard a clear hopeful tol&i:
'Help al baud, captain! Throw me a
buov.'
And in another rninnte or two. Jonea
was on deck, and the cheers on the little
steamer wnrt echoed by (lie fclieers of the
crowd on laud. There was not a moment
to bo losi: she was breaking up last; but
it took but a tew uioihefild to histen a
cable to thfe small rope and draw it on
board, and then a second cable, aud the
communication was complete.
•There is a lady here, sir,' said the cap
lain,'we must rig a chair for her; she
can never tfalk thai dangerous rope.'
'But we have net a moment to waste,
or WH may all be lost. Is she very heavy V
'A slight little thing; hall' a child, sir-,'
•Brlifg her here.'
This wad no time for ceremony; with*
out a word, save a lew sentences ot di
rection and encouragement, he look hfc'r
under his left arm, dtid steadying him
self by ihe upper cable, walked on willi
his htirden Safely to shore. The nre*»
fapidly followed for in such moments of
eureinily the soul inastefs (he body and
all thing become possible.'
There *as plenty of help Rafting for
(h6 half dfead seaman; and (he lady, her
father and the captain had been p'vt in
the carriage of Ikaddon and driven fap*-
idly to bis hospitable ball. Jones, amid
tbe confusion, disappeared j be bad pick
ed np an oil-skin coat and cap. rfnd when
every one turned to thank their deliver
er he was gone. No due knew him; the
sailors said they believed him to be 'one
of thse mil itary gents by bis 'rigging,'
but tb6 individuality of the hero bad
troubled no oue until the danger was
over, lit an bour the steamer was
driren on the rocks,.aud went to pieces;
and it being now dark, every one
went fiome.
tbe next day th 6 hunting p'arfy re
turned from Gwynne Hail, the storm
having compiled tbcnrr to tftop ail uight,
and at dhiuer that evening the wreck
and tbd bero of it was tbe theme of
evefv one's conversation
'Such apjucky fellow,' said Ensign
Powell, 'I woi.der who he was? G wynne
says lie is a stranger, perhaps ono of the
crowd staging at the Abbey,' -
'Perhaps,' says Captain Marks, 'it wa«
Jones,'
'Oh, Jones would be too afraid of !iis
inouiior.'
'Jones made a little satirical bow, and
said, pleasantly it was Pow
ell;' at fvhich Pcwell laughed and
'Not if he knew it.'
In a week the event had been pretty
well exhausted; especially as there was
to lie a great dinner and ball at Braddon,
and all the invitations. This ball had
peculiar interest, lor the young lad}' who
had been saved Irom die wieck would be
present, and rumors of her, riches and
beauty had been life for several days. It
was said the little steamer was her
father's private yacht, and that he was a
man of raiik and irmifeiicn.
Jones said he should i.ot gt> (6 the
dinner, as either he or Saville must re*
main for evening drill, uih' that Sivillo
loved a good dinner, wliilfe he cared very
little about it. Savillo could return in
time to let liiin ride over about ten
o'clock and sco tbo dancing. Saville
rather wondered why' Jones did not
ttke his place all the cycuing, and felt
half injured at liia default. But Jones
had a curiosity about the girl lie had
saved. To tell (ho truth he was nearer
in love than he had ever been with a
woman, and he wished in calm blood to
sco if she was as beautiful as his fancy
had painted her during those tew and
awfu! s rhinblte& tliHt he held hfct high
above the waves.
As ho passed, tho squire remembered
that he had not been to dinner, and stop
ped to say a lew courteous words, and
introduced his companioii.
'Miss Conyers.'
'Lieutenant Jones.'
But no sooner did Miss Conyers hear
Lieutenant Jones' voice than she gave a
joyful cry, and cl'appiiig her hands to
gel her said:
•1 have found; bim! Papal papal I
have foultd liiin.
Never was iliere such an interruption
to a ball. Tlie company gathered in ex
cited groups, and papa knew the lieu
tenaul's voice, and the captain knew it,
and poor Jones, unwilling enough, had
to kcknowledge the deed and bo made
the hero of it.
It was wonderful fcher (his night,
what a change look place in Jones' quiet
way. His books and boat seem to have
lbsl llicir charm, and as for his walks,
they were all in one direction, and ended
at Braddon Hall, In about a month
MirfS Couyers went away, and then Jones
began to haunt the postman, and to get.
pretty little letters, which always seem
ed to take a great deal of answering.
Bblof-e tile fend of Hie Winter he had
an invitation to go to Conyers' to spend a
mouth, and a furlough being granted, he
sold ojl, and entered upou a diplomatic
career, under tiie care of Sir Thomas
Conyers.
Eighteen months alter tho wreck Col.
Underwood read aloud at tho mess a do*
sciiption of the Iriarriage of Thomas
Jones, of Milfrod Haven, to only
child and heiress of Sir Thomas Con*
y rs, of Conyers Caitfe, 'Kent. And a
paragraph below staled that 'the Honor
able Thomas Jones, with his bride, had
gone lo Victufa on diplomatic service ol
great importance.'
'Just his luck,' said Powell.
Must hiS pluck,'said Underwood; 'add
•for my part, when I come across one ol
those leHdWs agkin that are alraid ot
hurting their mother* and listers and
Dot a!'raid to say so. I shall treat him as
hero just wailing his opotfrtuiiify.—i
Here is die Honorable Thomas Jones and
i bis lovely bridfe'. We are going to
India; geidfemen, next month, and I am
sorry the Eignty fotirtli hart lost Lieu
j tenant Jones, for I have no doubt what*
I ever be would have tftofinod & tott as be
boarded the vft-eck.
JIAiSK HitUMK'S ADDSESI.
At tbe late meeting of the press con*
veni ion, Major W. 11. Maloue welcomed
the visitors in the tame of the prels of
Asheville. Major M., said:
GENTLEMEN OK THE PUEHS:—OiI this
interesting occasibtf 1 have Hie bouor to
represent the press ol Asheville, and in
their b£hall I biu you welcome to Ashe*
vllle—the "City of Hiflf." In th'efr
nam'e 1 welcome you to Western Caro
lina, in their name I welcome you to t be
"Laud ol tUfe Skies £
Teis meeting wilt mark an era in the
history of our State, and commemorate
tb6 efforts being made to develop its te
sources. Coming, as most of you did,
through itito noted Swaunaiitfrf Gap—
passing through ilu-ee thousand feet or
rock-ribbed tunnels, yon are in tbe
midst of the "Switzerland of America."
You art* now at the loot ofkheelicKaiit
ed Beaur atelier; yonder, Mount Pisga r
lilts itself proudly above ten thousand,
lesser Mils; near by is the celebrated
R lack Mf4|nVair from which Miichel'*
Peak towers 7,000 feet hhiid Hie butij'e
ments of heaven. Of this famous peak
Goldsmith might well have said: 1
"It swells from the vale, and midway leaves tlie
storm;
Though round u'S haso Uic Vtormi and clouds 1
are -prcad,
Eternal sunshine settles on its head."
Here is the beautiful Swaiiiiano, long
celel'i-aled ii. song and poetry ; (hero the
rugged French Broad troll#, tumbles
d&bhrs over rock clilt and precipice—
passing through scenery uusurpased in
in loveliuces and grandeur.
Look yonder, the grandest panorama
oi mountains upon the green earth—pile
upon pile, range aflfet range, pyramid
after pyramid, you behold until the im
agination is iii contemplation of (lie
"handiwork of God.'' Far beyond these
magnificent mortmains is agforioiii"6lin
set." lie goes down aulid that illimita.
hie yellow, burning oce&nscloud, from
whose bosom is reflected back teu thous
and fantastic mountain domes, joo grand
lor (ho most brilliant imagination; ation
theto g)ant mountains sink into solitude
and sltfcp, to await the inorninig sun,
which will reillumine and deck their
peaks i/cduly and glok*y indescriba
ble. It is to these georgoouß scene& to
which We invite you—lribite enrapturing,
more enchanting than the vision which
caught the eye ol Moses when, from the
top of Mount Pisga, he beheld the
Promised Laud.
But we not only invito you lo scene? of
beauty and grandeur, we invite you to a
land'ot health. Ttio opinion has beeu
ventured that western Carolina will be*
come the great sanitarium ol tbe United
Slates. 1 believe it. This exhilarating
dry atmosphere, these pure gurgling
streainß, these richly c&i'peted lAilds:apes
constitute a fit abode lor the seeker of
health. Some t>Henlal nHtioii conceived
the idea that tbe common article of 6age
possessed iuheient lite preserving quali
ties, and it bbcatno au.adage, "How can
a man die in whose garden grows sage?"
Hero the elements of health ihaV be
found everywhere, Ihey art (omul in our
sparkling rivulets which gush from
hiduntaiii bides, they are lound in every
breeze which percolates their chilly tpfftv
they are fduud ill the cbol balmy niglit
breezes which reader sleep sucli bappy
repose. Indeed, these flower
clad ' landscapes make 7 us forget tbe
troubles of life, while we dreain dreams
ol a bright and happy future. Would it
be'too Itlnciful to say, -'llow can a mau
die who lives in western Carolina?"
But 1 would disappoint those wbom 1
represent if 1 did not acknowledge our
iiidebibdiiesfl to the press. It has been
said that Ashoville was iho best advert
tised town in tho South; Our citizens
feel grateful for tbe good repute which
they havo borne at yonr hands. In time
past out friends of the east knew more
ol tht mountains ol New England, of
Italy and the continent lhaii oi otlr own
mountains west of tLe Blue Uidge. But
now the veritable iron horse has reached
the solilddefi of tbe very Stat* ol Bdn
combe, and to-day North Caroliua a
"united" Stale.
The railroad and the telegraph have
brought us in commauion with cur
brethren of the east and with all the
world. For the success of iHe&i great
enterprises wo owe much to the press.
When maladmimsifrlllon and official
corruption had crept into the high places
of the laud, a ooble army of quill drivers
was ready to drive the CalaJiues from
power, tbe good, the great and llife noble
wefe sustained ami encouraged;
\Ve temember, too, some dark days of
the past— when the "Judiciary had beeu
exhausted/ whin constitutional liberty
Wds in jeapordy, when brave men had
despaired ot their country," when the
sacred right ol luibeut corpaa bad been
trampled under fool by daring usurpa
tion. Then it was that the gallant press
of North Caroliua, ol Georgitf, of South
Caioliua, and of the entire conutry camo
Jjo (he rescue. They proclaimed in thun
der tones the vox populi, and appealed
to that august tribunal, the forum
of public opiuion, this omnipotent court
which lias uover befeu exhausted. This
high b jtiit gate Its Verdict In faYo* of
couslitutiouaT liberty. In this temple
of justice stooff the editorial fraternity
contending for the tfght and denouncing
the wrong; ihey constituted the daring
van gft a I'd in this great bat lie, andccarr r
ried the flag ol our country on which
wrf* inscribed Hie w6'rus "Constitutional
Liberty."
These; thisc are not the bailiffs of fb«
press. They follow not Hio booming of
cannon, neither do tliev catch inspiration
from the loud tocsin or war; ihey flgld
the battle's of |»6a6e, whicti "hath vf6-
lories no le'ss renowned liian war."
The warrior who leads his millions in
the slaughter may have his uauie and
NO; 27 i
c aim perpetuated in brODzc or marble—
liis monument like liteJigypiinii pyramid. -
may dety the touch of lime iuelt. Bui
the pi-ens is ilie lever with wbicli We
move Die world. This noble srrny in •
Hcaiiered everywhere—yonder, in ilia
juti*fles of Africa; yonder, anion}; (lie *
ice-brrys ol x paint fsr, np>n fhe bank
oi (he Nile, the lihinie, the Ganges, in
every zone, in every clime are 10 bo
found the daring veterans of the press;
and having chained the lightning of
heaven to the car of progress thev cir
cumnavigated the World . with the ra
pidity of thought. And while they may
hayg no marble column to perpetuate
their memory, they have a more enduring
monument resting in the human heart,
which will last throughout all time.
It in in, view of these Wonderful
achievements of the prees that We «>•
greatly appreciate this gala day and
happy reunion. I should net omit to say
that we welcome our brethren ol IheEm
pire Slate ol Georgia, the bome ot onr
LJi:ls and Gordons* we welcome onr vet
erans from the long oppressed Palmetto
State, the bome of our Butlers and
Hamptons; and from the dear old Motlier
ot Statosou our notberu border. Ouf
troubles have been in cotomiin, onr
sympathies have commingled in all thoee
"scenes wbisb tried men's souls," and to
day we rejoice together at tbo bappy
prospect of our common country.
Gentlemen, ] feel that a brighter day
is about to dyvu—old Rip Van Winltle*
though slow is now coming to the trout;
the east and west are now bound by
huops nf steel, and our commercial and
sociaf intercourse will teud to make
North Carolina the proudest state in the
Union.
(iov. Swain, in one of his last public
addresses, said thai North Carolina liail
been a good state to more from— that
our young men of talent and ambition
had followed ttie "setting sun/' and bad
obtained honor and distinction in other
Stales. But our yeung men will mount
the flood which, tnken at its ri«e, leads to
success. Aud 1 anticipate that man* of
(hose now gone Will hear of our iltideA
of |>ros|>eriiy, and not forgetting the love
liness of these mountains and being in
spired by the revolutionary fame ot their
ancestors, will return to the borne* ot
their boyhood, and, like William Tell can
excla m,
'•Y« crsgs and peaks,
I am with yoa >nc«? •gainf*
To the press we l«K>k for the realization
of our brightest anticip.ition in regard to
the development ot our glorious oh I
State. And, in conclusion, allow me |«»
repeat, "The Old North State, God bless
her; ihe Old North State forever.
Gleaiiii^.
The pupil of th* eye baa to be I*«b*d.
In asking a inaH to settle bis bill the
thing is 'no souner said than dun.'
man would to jrt off froa a
promts*; to drink he should wit
Church choirs are pnt at the back ends
of churches to accommodate the timid
worshippers who cannot face the music.
vVe do not know as green apples be
long to anr secret fraternity, yet tHeJ
seem to Lave the grip.
How many men take the fatal step in
life with the id«a thit they are getting
an angel, aud soon after marriage find
that they have nothidg but a woman. ,
• "The tongue of a woman increases in
the same ratio that her feet decrease,"
says a Chinese proverb, abd the China
tuan has a care Una habit df being tight
many titties in Ihe dozen.
Refuse to sit at a table opposite the
man afflicted with hay fever. The chances
are seveuty to one that be will be oWig,
ed to sneeze just as lie has got bis mouth
full of water.
A boyish novice in smoking turned
deadly pale and threw.away bis cigar.
Said be: ''Thai's snmtiun' in that air
cigar that's made me sick." "I
know what it is," said bis' companion':
puffing away. "What?" "Tobacker."
We know a genuine miser, who would
go four miles af>er persimmons so be
could eat a few before each meal, to
pucker bid stomach, so that be would
not have room tc eat more than five oeuti
worth at a meal.
"Lo6k a-Kere, wutiet/" shouted a dia
guated custom jr in • Washington re»-
laurant; "here's an old moustache cooib
in this pot pie." "Never mind, air,"
•aid the naptirf flirtet, calmly, "juat
throw it unde'r the labia; it is id old
one?" ,
I would not cange a shade of jfefe
To Overspread that face so fafr;
Ah! no, dear girl, nor would I tfelgd
To add a mite nnto your care.
I would not have that loveiy hue
Of features clouded by a frowif
But duty bids me say to you,
Your back hair's all a coming town?
A cduntry ilergyman was one day
riding along, when he waa observed by
two lawyers. Riding up, one on' each
aide, they aaked bim how it was that
gentlemen of bia cloth madt> such sad
mistakes. "I waspreaent not long since,"
aaya one, a clergjrdWn, instead of
«"»y* n g Ogg, King of Bashsn, said. Hoe,
Kiug oi Bason." "Oh," Laid W« old
gentleman, "we are like 411 our feftow.
being*; subject to mistaies. I hieant
myself io hot long afcee,', tfiA'i «tl.e
devil was the father of fiara,' Hit I said
tbift he waa the father (ft "Are
you a foot or a knave?" Biiidf one of
them. "I believe, gentlemen," baid be'
"that 1 aat between built"
: . xi vi
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