Newspapers / The Yellow-Jacket (Moravian Falls, … / Feb. 21, 1907, edition 1 / Page 3
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SUNSHTSTY SIDE. , - , , - , - '" - " ' 111 . 1 Millll ! MIIM 1 Verv Likely. Romantic j 'Young " Lady (spending summer on a farm): "Just hear how thos old trees in the of clirc moan " and jrj-oan in the storm, like" the fcryir g of a lost soul!" ' :. ' 1 : ' - Small Boy "Well, ; I guess - 3 ou'd make a worse racket if you were as full of green monies as they are! bmart 5et. - . The Fickle Goddess. Mrs. Style; hat, but it must be m "the latest s I want a yle."'Shop- man : "Kindly take a chair,' madam, and wait a few minutes; the fashion is justj: changing. Melbourne Life. . - - .r ; ? Tr Ready to Exchange. A man in Texas is anxious to exchange his home "and property down there for a residence in Isiew We are his man and he can have ever he can arrange matters. Stir of Hope (published in Sing Sing;. t Classified. "The automobilists seem to con sider that there are only two classes of people in the world besides themselves. "What are the classes?" "Those who can get out of the, way in time and those who can t. I- "Ah, I see! 'The Quick or thd" Dead " American Spectator. . i Penetrating. "Did that clairvoyant tell you anything true about yourself? "She certainly did. Before; I'd ten minutes she-told me somebody to get my money. - ;;- " Was there?" :: j . "Yes. She was." Milwaukee Sentinel. been there was trying Relieved. Bleeker "Say . old cliap, I'm in beastly bad luck; need money haven't the least ideawhere I can Baxter "Well, I'm glad to -har that I thought perhaps you had an idea touch me for it. Puck. 'Say, Zeke, who Euncoed. First Farmer: wuz that feller doin' all that laughin' 'cause you bought a gold brick? , Second Farmer : "He's the I city thinks he is gittin -healthy Jorr t Spring water that he's buyin' a badly and ; get it.' you could galoot that le Sulphur carrel at a lick from my mill-pond." Philadelphia Tele graph. More than He could Afford. The Sister: that girl? "Why don't you get possession o She is as pretty as a picture." The Brother: "The frame is too Life. ' ; expensive. the judge They Were not Joined by the Almighty One of the witnesses called in a Chicago di vorce case last year was a highly: respected clergyman in the Windy City. According to one of the counsel in the case, th following conversation took plaCE" between a id the minister. Said his Honor "Dr. Blank, if you were on the'bench in my stead, and were acquainted with all stances of this case, would you grant this di vorcer " : : "Assuredly I would, your Hcn&r,' replied the clergyman, without the least hesitation. tui, saia tne juage, now ao you recon-t cile this assertion with the injunction of Scrip ture. 'Whom God has joined let-nj man put asunder'?" : ; ; '; 1 -r !?' "Your Honor," responded the minister,, with convincing gravity, "I ;am quite satisfied that the Almisrhtv never ioihed this couole" Har per s Weekly. - . j " Kis Yearn.: PoorFeebles (about ated on for appendicitis) : VDoce you begin I wish you would Tsendi and N have our pastor, the Reverend Mr. Hdrps, come over. Dr. Cutter: ,1,1 n 1 . . ,, - . 1 recoles; I d like to be opened with prayer. Lite. to be oper- or, before 'Certainly, if you wish it, but He Helped Himself. "Well, Bbbby, how do 'you like church?" asked his fatl er as they walked homeward from the sanctuary, to which T. u a , -j 1 - r - ,iyjuu nau just paid nis Jirst visit, jj "It's -fine!" ejaculated the -young man. "How much did you get, father?" j . j "Kovv much did T get? Why, what ,do you mean? How much what?" asked thb astonish ed parent at this evident irreverence. "Why, don't you remember when -the funny old man passed the money around? I only got ten cents." Lippincott's Magazine. about the size of the one that struck San Fraiw Cisco or; Valparisoor Kingston, would side swipe the belongings of the great 'show when would: Uncle Sam be with his gate receipts when, there would be no-gate receipts. - But there is no use to cdtint chickens before they are hatched. There is no use to shake until tne : earth ; quakes. . Maybe there "will never -De an ; earthauake at lampstnwnhiit T c Huckleberry Knob, N. C, : 1 j February 15, 1907. Mr, Editor Yellow 'Jacket: ' ," . - My Dear Sir: I h ive a little sermon whlcji I WiSh tO TirpJlPh tl lo mrtfTrtt n't- nnt T AEte that-fi, -U kow any bettery to deliver It to a big uue on tne nastern coast of this -country in crovrf tio k - . ' a short time now. Mavor Schmit i; alreadv 0Ja tha by slipping it into, the Yellow crossing the continent and von h9r1 Uttr- Hacket- My text will be found in the evcrdav lookr ouL . f v I life of everv man -arv, machinery" of " life upon which." depends tho suqce3 of air that is great .and good and eternal. . - - - - - - - . : ELI " TUCKER. THE SOCIALISTIC DREAM. XHE ADA5ILESS EDEN. Man Will Soon be a Back Number. bettled at Last Here is an effective oiece of dramatic criticism, said to have peen print ed in a rural paper in Indiana. A raw company on tne "kerosene circuit" played "Hamlet, and the next day the editor wrote ' "Mr. So- andso and his comoanv olaved . 'Hamlet' in the town hall last night. ' It was a great social eveat, and all the elite of ourrfair village at tended. There has been a long discussion as to whether Bacon or Shakespeare wrote the Play, commonly attributed to Shakespeare It can easily be settled now. Let the graves of the two writers be opened. The one vdio turned over last niedir i thr anfh -inbune. ; ' t A Soft Answer.An Irishman tvas called l affray, asked the d the wit- . rZ s1 evjucute in a suuoun JJ-id you see that shot fired?" niagistrate. -' . . '.''No, sor; but I heard it;" replie ness. - - j ihat is not satisfactory, Sten down As the Irishman turned to go hfe laughed, uu was rebuked by the magistrate him it was contempt of court; ... Did yez see me laughP'-sj; "l- :u ( No; but I heard you." - 'That is not satisfactory." ' : ,And then the court laughed. -Green -Bag v.-Loston;. r who told ? r IN THR SHOW BUSINESS. Uncle Sam has gone into the sho r biiisriess. He has loaned the k Jamestown Exposition a million dollarsand taken a morgage on rthe gate receipts. ' " r: ... , ' That looks all right. - It. looks likeJncle oam is in the money loaning business and it loolcs like there should be no-kick Coming. ?: : . But suppose, for the sake 6i argument i that J"st about the tirhe the Jamestown jexposition as ready to" throw open ; its Agates to the great American people that 1 an earthquake i this world, and reads like this: "Be Some thing." 'tfhat is a good textr. "It means up wards of a great deal. The purpose of the text is tn tPa progressive woman bv tno n-imo rf itTT-s. I or having comA i- t TYn f. x. ;,T T, . J T-I .y.x Z-Tr. t. 0 JKJ" piujjuae uemg, ue luai -wi wiAicu who win worK tne lana ana imiug wna an your micht a liVTi j vcsil wiifloui man s help. it is you choose to be a boot-black, make a unique - undertaking, and one worthy of up your mind that you are goin- to shine some comment. The women who are joining more shoes and shine-thein better than any ; . !J uv pwui, tjui yreuy, weuoiii wmcr uuui-Diacii m tne world in this world's goods. It is announced in ad- If nreachine th cnanni od, vance that the colony will put into practice calling, then get at it with the determination xxxjr vi. iuo principles ana teachings or so- mat you are Eroine- tn ho moo f me Buiieiue a DiacK eye ouis uemg savea than any other man It j 0 '"y""". j-iie iie-wuna win siana uwsu t mauer in wnat" you are engaged b offand view this experiment with consider- a top-rounder. Somehow the world loves to able mteresf. Mrs. Havden is nnrnortert to bestow h . - - . , - 1 "f"" uv uau . iiv Ui d W O ci. ce a novelist and humane worker of Chicaeo. line and then h : wuiuan. uoiony iaea nas Deen cmps iiierany nil the eyes of .all those who uer nitj-iuiig aream. we have never heard are applauding. of her before and read very few of her books, In politics, in religion, in education, in the but attribute our lacH of information regard- field of Industry, or in what ever field of hu- mg her to our own ignorance. It is not our man effort you embark. th ht th intnnTiA -v 4- V -m.- : x I A 11.1 . . WF I, . . u w.-i.uiuw bmbie siraw in tne am- uuijr iamg, you snould do is to go the whole uxb&wuo uuxau. a wtjf, uui we leei 11 our auiy 1 . . ' to look into the scheme and set down a few And another thine. Avoid jmitatin!'' nevnn Ui uur ouservauons. m aomg so, However, go aiong. lonkeys do that. If the Almighty we are not inviting a fusillade from the fair had intended that? we should only be imita sex. Rather-would we laud them to the sky tors of whatever our forefather ' thn-ht and place on their fair brows a diadem worthy or said, or did, He would not have endowed vjj. syucxe aiuuus tne sons 01 men. 11 us wim- a Drain and an intelligence that de- there is any one element that beats and raves I cidedly places man in the nositioTi of fmmriR- our Diooa, it; is our admiration for fair tion, capstone, cement and glory of ail crea voman. If we had an armful of bounuets to tion. - . give. away, we d give them all to the woman. To be something a man must live -strictlv TAT 1 1. m I 1 i a l litis aiways Deen our Dener, and Is now, up to nis callinsr. He must Work at his trde that-woman was made for an helpmete for land honor it. He can't be a Prohibitionist man. The Bible says so, and her general and drink liquor. He can't be a true nreacher makeup her delicate frame and effeminate and swap horses on Sunday. He can't be a i;uxiav;tciiain;a uvur oui iue original iaea. nupuuncan ana voce tne democratic-ticket A woman don't look right pulling a buck-saw or a true Democrat, if he is always ready'and or driving a brace of oxen. She looks out of willing to cheat some poor ignorant fellow place meandering up a corn middle, pulling a out of his vote; because Prohibition means bell-cord over a stubborn mule, or out on the no liquor drinking; a true preacher must be huskings whooping for our party. We be- Christ-like, and a Republican or Democrat lieve that woman ought to stay in the home must obey the teachings of his party princi- " .11 L1 jm I 1 wuere an iuanKina nas crownea ner queen. 1 pies. It-has been said that the home is "the most If a man tells you he is a carpenter and sacred place this side of the pearly gate, and yoirhand him a saw and tell him to use it woman should consider it the highest possible and he proceeds to try to shave himself with sphere to rule oyer it. We are of the opinion the saw you feel like telling him that he is a that when : woman quits the home . and goes certain sort of a fool and send him. to pas- out into the world to do man s work, she is tures new. making a greater, mistake than Eve made in I have often wondered what would become the beginning by eating the forbidden fruit, of a great many people if the Almighty was The bloomer idea, the self-supporting craze, to deal with them in.accordanco of the use the woman colony lunacy, are direct thrusts they make of the intelligence that was given at man. If women want to unsex themselves, them. let them get out in the middle of the turnpike What would become of the preacher who and do it, but-we object to their flaunting the stands up in . the pulpit and hurls a, warfare nonsense into the face of our daughters. An of words against sin in all its forms and then Adamless Eden were as ridiculous as an Eve- on first j opportunity cheat his neighbor out less home. We have never yet seen-a woman of his last shilling, or slip around behind the that had been taught iby her mother to be in- barn with a "candidate for dog-whipper and dustriousin the home, running around the pour a pint of liquor, under his shirt? country looking for something to do to make " fie something. Yes, if it knocks the ever- a support. The woman colony idea was born lasting stuffing out of your dear party. Be in the "minds of parlor queens and disappoint- something if you have to break loose from ed woman suffragists. It never started with (the traditions of your-fathers. -Be something the mothers, of the nation. When Mrs. Ha- if it subjects you to social ostracism and con- den gets her colony under good headway, it tempt. is possible we'll go down to the Lioce Star and I don't know of anything to which this look, it over. We'll bet six-bits in advance I lesson will apply with more force than to that the women who make it up are as ugly politics and to no party more directly than as sin and thoroughly soured on mankind, the " Democratic party. Looking about over It wouldn't surprise us if the greater number the country to-day I see in my mind's eye a of them are not the disappointed victims of great number of otherwise intelligent men some thrilling novel romance. They'll play who have made eternal monkeys of them- thunder growing cabbage and making their selves by deliberately refusing to live up to Eden bloom on theory. It takes muscle to the standard of "Be Something." They would coax anything out of mother earth: We'd be first howl for a thing, then turn around and almost willing to make an ironclad contract denounce it. Preach that a thing was black to eat everything produced in this Texas yesterday, declare it is white to-day and to- wbpian's colony, and then go hungry half the morrow swear that they never uttered sucn time" - j - ; a sentiment. If we had a lecture, on tap for the mothers If Democracy is true to its teachings It of America; it would run something like this r means a government of, for and by the peo- Teach your -daughters to cook, wash and pie. All 'Democrats contend that they oeneve sween the house. 1 Give them to understand in Democracy teeth and toe nails, yet show that it is just as ladylike to build a cornpone me a town or city or fatate 'governea Dy tne as it is to render the latest on the "pianer;" Democrats that is carrying out the Demo- inct an refinfi'd to be industrious in the home cratic doctrine. Such doh t exist to-day no it is to flv hieh in society. A mother who If Democracy, believes in government of, will not teach her daughter to work is com- for and by the people why don't it practice mitting a crime, and, if she does not suffer its first lesson by holding elections, of, for for it. her daughter will. What use has a and by the people? man with a woman-who knows nothing but to blow him foe. his money? Wax dolls, wall flowers, home-haters, the curse of our civil- . . , . ization! J The Texas scheme may be approved by some If it is Democracy to hold to free , silver how can a man be a Democrat and rally around a man as standard bearer -who is a gold bug? . ' .r If it. is Democracy to believe in tree-Trade THE STUFF. . - A Utopian Vision. The chief characteristic of mortal man is to dream and see visions. Man has dreamed of Eden regained ever since Adam was driven out of that first earthly paradise. The poor man dreams of mansions of wealth, of happi ness and plenty. The rich man areams of yet greater; riches. -Nations dreams of the con quest of the globe. But the wildest, most fantastic dream is the modern dream of So cialism. It, would put man in another Eden wherein there woald be no tempting tree of knowledge. No, serpent would slime its way into the presence of another Eve and beguile hpr tn lftf?f1 mankind into thf f?!iinTiinn rcrh , - -" w - -'ew. Every man would be master of himself, as well as every other man. The horn of plenty would be tipped "to the beggar as well as to him of -the golden shekels. Money would not have to be blown in for marriage license. Every man could ride free on his own rail roadr for the railways -would belong to the, whole people. Courts jmd penitentiaries would be done awaywith. When you wanted to borrow five dollars, why, just step into your own bank-and get it. When you get tired -of your ugly wife and take a fancy to some other man's . betterhalf, why, just ask her to come underneath your protecting wing. There would hf nn hsp in- rivinsr tr ept tn heaven; you would already be in heaven. They say you have to study Socialism to understand it. Possibly so. The world has been listening to the Socialistic howlers lo these many years, but none but the Socialists themselves understand what they are howling about. After a Socialistic jvind-jammer holds out for two hours ia a public address and you strain your comprehending apparatus to catch what he's drving at, you have to "back off in your colossal ignorance. One of the cardinal principles of the lunacy is that if you happen to be rich it is prima facie evidence that you are a thief. Another is ,that wljen you earn a dollar, it does not belong to you, but tothe community. Upon the same course of reason ing, your children are not your own children; your home is not your own home; your coun try is not your own country. Suppose we turn this country over to the Socialists for just one ycar. Where do you reckon we would land? The devil would herd us into one big drove and drive us en masse into hades. We are going to the devil fast enough, as it is, without adding impetus to nni nrncfroet! s Wo "07rn 1 r lilrf tn CPP s rniiTitrv V- ka X X t3 m a v " - w w m v . .in which every man was president and every mother's, son equal to every other mother s son. . . The Socialistic tenet is superlatively ridicu lous. It would turn the millions of this coun try into a howling mob whose cry would be, "GiVe me my part! Give me my part!" It would destroy forever personal ambition and individualism. The best government that has yet been upon this earth is that government in which every-man is held responsible - for his own industry. If he -will not work, let ; him starve. Communism hath ever proven a failure. The common crib and smokehouse idea sets a premium on laziness. If a thing is true in" the concrete,- it is true in the ab stract. There is no such thing as a Socialistic party; and there cannot be. Men of the stripe who join the Socialists are men who want the whole thing or none, and such men cannot a work-in unison with oJthers for the common good. Men and nations are naturally selfish. It is all right for a man to look out for his own interest, and for a nation to be jealous; of its greatness. Take this one element out of men and nations, and you destroy the very thing that make men and nations. The only dream worth the dreaming is the dream of a representative Democracy. It in cludes every good thing the Socialists' ream, leaving but the Utopia. It puts every man upon an equal so far as his inalienable rights go, but it precludes the lazy sharks who would live off of the industry of others. It gives the individual the right to accumulate a vast fortune, if he can do it honestly.: It makes every man the lord of . his . own -home and master of his own household. It gives the individual his own peculiar rights and privil eges. It does not hold out the idea that be cause one man is-rich and anotherpoor it is the fault of the government. It puts the blame where the -blame belongs--on the indi vidual. - r Beautiful, indeed, is a day dream. The world is strewn with the ' wrecks of men who ,t nr,a Hforl ThR mnssive nvramids V. I aiuvu - "v - amid Egypt's arid sands are monuments of a. vast shattered dream. Napoleon's story of a thousand sdorious battles ending with - Waterloo's crushing defeat is the romance of a ponderous, bloody dream. The American nation isnot the product or a stan-xea aream, but the young child of the world's old. age. It represents the best that. has been In the experiments of "all the ages. Socialism can- 4- na.m it Aimrcnv cannot snane iu Its flag flutters above the heads of citizen lrinirs. who believe the greatest possible good. come to those who sweat and toil. Socialism does not appeal to tne thinking masses. Its pitiable ranks are filled with the riffraff of the cities, the discontented,- the disappointed and the dreamers. The Republican party: Is the party of the masses, its principles ne nut .usiuus, uu. trid realities. It bas stood the test and made the nation what it is. It is the party of Washington ' and Jefferson;, of - Lincoln and Roosevelt. . f " ' . ' women, but it will not be sanctioned by the and opposeProtection - how ' can a man. he a wives and mothers who know what it means. Democrat and. vote to place a protective tariff We have no word of censure for the woman on certain articles just because they are prod- who is unfortunate, and lias to go out and ucts of his own section. ' wir f a living. We pitv her for Having to If it is Democracy to be decent, upright o-o out of her sphere to make a livelihood, and honest, (and we know it is) .how can a. ThOUSandS OI gOOa WOmen Iiave to U ima xuiciix xcuiuv-iav, axxu v.--- Zrc from necessity.- It is the long, lean female, licans or Populists and steal votes and stuff who bas soured on mankind, and who is try- ballot-boxes, and do a hundred other mean in- to lead her sisters on a wild-goose chase, .things- that men calling themselves Demo that we are after. " cr camPa!. ' The most womanly thing any woman can oomeDoay may say uiut my ua do is to marry a good man and make mm sometning" are an ngnt uui it is neeuie QO IS tO lllcLllJ P. " . i TTr,irT in nnlHiVc: Mnv hft not. hannv The domestic scene 01 laugaiug, nwi- iUu c.i.mUb .-'- icking -children, watched over by a tender, But I . consider a political policy a bad one. sweet mother, is the fairest heavenly vision that won't bear, the application of a rule that 10 00 of hpavfin itself." A natient, loving ougnt to govern every otner caiuuB wife with her children -about her knees, wait- fession in life. . ' " . SoT the husband and father to come home ..And why don'the score hb i own party n- at eventide, is a picture wortny oi ue u. . ----- nf o'nanh9Pl."; - . - lit.' A CUUBIUCI it, iVCiiUUHV-ail ..... w , We hope everyone of those women wno set- cneai or ueirauu m autai T " tie in Mrs. Hayden's colony will soon grow er man tuau x -uZx Tof tired of their Adamless; Eden aDd long for a tmngs -pecause puoiiie "- - lord. There be gallants a-plenty In Texas ter raiam6. yuuix Koiifo who are the real thing; silent heroes, greater tended that it is as-wickedto steal ballots as than ever ripped? and roared ; on novelistic It is to steal. sneep,-wnue xjj nase. It is not the Texans we wish harm, but very uttie to say on lae suujc. the women we wish good.. What's, the use of Be something. ir you are a democrat, awoman living a life of utter loneliness, when one in every sense- of the word. If you God made for her a man to keep her company are a Republican be one all thru, ir you De- and make her happy? . - lieve it is rignt to De ngnt ana uuie &uaiua ana. jiuuiuugs ,uua . xiiJvo-s Dlace or capacity they are found then straight en the kinks, out of your back bbne and get Texas negroes will hold -a "convention to your conscience in good working order and protest against -Japanese . immigration. - The keep your heart warm ana your neaa cooi hboe is that tne protest wm uc strong enougn auu ifc-uiaiwiB v.c J , r,r,i Tf it can't be heard it will oi-dh- it falls your lot to do, you will be a. force in ably be smelt-so te result fwill be there. . tho world to help keep in motion ttie great iiiside. of a fowl.' New York Tribune, - . . - m - - ' - " - The latest discovery in anesthetics is that of Dr. Stephen Leduc, a" Parisan physician, who destroys'.sensibilities " all over the body ; by sending a mild alternating current of elec tricity tbrough the brain in the same general manner as in electrocution." With the sensib- bilities of the people destroyed, the Democrat- ic party might hope to secure a -majority of votes. - ' - ' ' . . . ' . " '- Answers--44.Noali's wif e, wrote a boy in an " examination-"was called -Joan "of-Arc." 'Va teravTOte another, "isebmposed of two. gas es, oxygen and' eambrigen." t'E.ava'" said a third, "is what the barber puts on your face'
The Yellow-Jacket (Moravian Falls, N.C.)
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Feb. 21, 1907, edition 1
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