Newspapers / The Front Page (Raleigh, … / Nov. 20, 1984, edition 1 / Page 7
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DEAR ME ' /Oa Good, Sound Advice. Dear Me; Please take a moment and read this with some very serious thought. First off, please don’t print this letter nor use my name, unless you print it and omit the name. I have been following your paper since the very first issue came out, and don't bother buying or subscribing to any other gay publications. The problem is your classified ad section. Can you possibly help? There are so many liars who advertise in your paper til it isn’t funny anymore; not to mention the reputation your paper is getting from it. I live at home with my parents, and The Front Page is my only hope of meeting someone. Once in awhile, an ad appears that is close to me so I write. No answer. Those who do answer (1 out of every 10-12) have lied and mislead me. It’s tough enough just to live and survive as a gay person in this cruel, ignorant “society” of ours, but do we have to turn on each other? I’m just about to the point of giving up on gay life altogether, but I’ve got so much to give to somebody special, but I believe he doesn’t exist. Don’t you think it’s time The Front Page did something about it’s classifieds? Charging would help. You’ll find most any type of garbage advertising where it’s free, like graffiti on restroom walls. Charge for it, well, it’s a little different story. I do plan to subscribe when I feel like The Front Page is worth my money again. I don’t need to pay for such trash as you find in The Front Page ads. By the way, I’m not as old and horrible as you think. I'm only 28 and good enough looking to turn heads. I have too much pride in myself to cruise the usual gay spots, so that’s why I rely on your ads. Thanks for your moment. Fed Up in Farmington. Dear Fed Up, The whole world is full of liars and con artists — not just the gay community. Obviously, you have run into some disreputable sorts through your correspondence. This is neither surprising nor something to get all bent out of shape about. Even your meeting people in person, you may get a positive initial reaction from only “1 out of every 10-12.” And of those who do show some interest, you may find you have something going with perhaps only one out of 100. The difference is that when meeting someone in person you both have a chance to size up each other and see if something is there. You can be polite in rejecting someone else. In responding to ads, though, all the other person can judge you by is your letter. This isn’t going to give him a whole lot to go on. And if he finds he isn’t turned on by what you said, he’s not likely to take the time to be polite and write back. It’s not right, but it is human nature. The Front Page has instituted a new policy of charging for classified ads, but I’m not sure it will solve this problem. People are people, and they will do many things in their relentless search for “Mr. or Ms. Right.” Do try to get out more and meet some people face-to-face. You wont eliminate rejection, but you will be able to judge for yourself. Dear Me, I need some advice about what ldoks like a danger sign to me. There’s this man I’ve known for a couple of weeks. We got along just fine, and because it seemed really natural we finally went to bed together. It was good. I wanted to do it again, and so did he, so we did, a couple of times. We may continue to do it, too. But I’m worried. He says he wants to be cautious about exploring a possible relationship. I think caution is a good idea. However, after our first night together, he went out and bought me a toothbrush to keep at his place (we always use his place because it’s so much nicer than mine). For some reason, that toothbrush really bothers me. It’s like he already has decided that I have a place in his house and his life. It’s like he already has me moving in with him. It’s just a symbol, but I think it means a lot. On the basis of knowing me a few weeks and sleeping with me once, he decided that this is a relationship. That doesn’t sound cautious to me. I’m really afraid that he’s already decided where we’re going to be buried together, like the two men in “La Cage aux Folles” when they talk about the crummy cemetery. I guess what I’m really afraid of is, anyone who wants a relationship so badly that he rushes into one so fast, wants the relationship more than he wants me. The relationship could be with anyone. I just happen to be there. And I don’t like that. Am I reading too much into one toothbrush? Bristling in Bristol. Dear Bristling, Maybe your friend just couldn’t take your “monster mouth” after the first time together and decided that this approach was far better than turning away everytime you wanted to kiss him. Of course, he could have sent you a bottle of Scope. Do remember that it takes two people to form a relationship. If he is, indeed, going too fast for you, you can slow it down. Talking and sharing your feelings is the best way to accomplish this. Because of problems we may have had in previous relationships, we do build up a level of caution. This is good, because you cannot judge your future based on knowing each other a few weeks and sleeping together once. Neither can you judge a man’s intentions by a toothbrush in his bathroom. Dear Me, I’m basically a shy person. I know what I want, but I’m bashful about asking for it, because I’m afraid of what other people would think of me. Well, this is my question. When I’m in bed with someone, either the first time or a repeat, how do you suggest doing some interesting things without freaking out the other guy? I’m not talking about normal stuff. With that, you just get down there and start slurping, and let it be a surprise to him. Fucking isn’t a problem, either. If I bring out the grease, and he says, “Uh, could we talk about this?" I know he’s not interested, so 1 just flip over, because I’m always interested. So the problem isn’t when there’s one doing and one getting done. The problem is when you need full participation from each side. Like bondage. You can’t just start tying the guy’s hands continued on page II Address your questions to Dear ME, c/o The Front Page, P.O. Box 25642, Raleigh, 7Y.C. 27611. ME will make every attempt to answer all questions in this column, and some letters can be kept"confidential f however, no personal responses are possible. We extend to you our best wishes for o full and happy holiday ond hope you're enjoying o harvest of blessings. Hours Thursday - Saturday - Sunday 9:30 p.m. Thun. Nov. 22 Traditional Thanksgiving Buffet Sun. Dec- 2 Kelly Rae Miss Gay Greensboro Male Erotic Dancer Sun- Dec- 9 David and Dazzle Comedian and Ventriloquist ENCORE 1011 ARNOLD ST. • GREENSBORO • 919-272-9320
The Front Page (Raleigh, N.C.)
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Nov. 20, 1984, edition 1
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