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' ADVERTISE IN
j THE BUGLE!
Have V et eraythlnk to
ad or swae? Da yon tat e
key eautytkiak?
TREK TRY A AD KITH IS
Bif ft St only new
paper in this end of the Co.
Advertising rate rarnhned
with greet cheer. Sh-caUshie
book eeea te Bobuddy.
YOULL HAFT TO TAKE
OUR WORD FOR IT
Bd; -falling
INERGIA TATUM (ESS)
XJJ miT' J)(s
The Loading Paper of tha County
brigb.t,Breesy,BeUleeae,Buitliig
aw oth tha aiMT MM1e eei
ImproY Mrk hiatal bant '
7 tatbartat keaar ll tk ear
Fna ewr epaBlag 'la?.
TIM rhMrrfat sATartlalitf aiarfloai ia M
ematr. If r btllara ta aitmtlala aaaaa
aa na. rar fnrthar Inform tie) t aali
aa at aMreee tat adder.
FINANCKIAL EDDYTORIUL
For quite a spell back we have
been thinkin of writing a eddyto
riul on the follering; vital stibjeckt,
towlt: "Why Is Money So
Tight?"
Now we have made up our mind
to put our thort into ackshion and
write said eddytoriul without mal
ice or favor and let the chips fall
where they will. As we look back
on our checkered career as edditor
& Prop & everythink else connect
ed with the Bugle, we can put our
eddytoriul hand on our heart and
say that we can't recolleckt when
ready cash was as skeerce in our
midst or to us personally as it Is at
the present writing and has been
for several months.
We can't see how it's possibil for
money to be ennv skeercer with us
than heretofore, but it is neverthe
less. Why, monev was more plen
tifuller with us during the panick
of 1779 than it is now, and old Dad
Henderson, our oldest inhabitant,
says it s skeercer with him than it
was during the Revolooshionary
War, whenever that was.
What is the cause of this, we
ask? We pause for a reply and
then we anser: "We don't know."
Tt ain't very often that we ask a
questshlon whltch we can't anser,
but this Is i excepshion to the gen
eral rule.
We read In a citty paper whltch
F.ph Higgins, our accommodating
P. M., received by mistake at the
P. O., and opened and tuk It home
to see what was going on in the
outside world if anything and
then lent to ns we read in that
Saper that this money tightness
on't only exist In Bingville, but
all over the country, and that it is
due to the fackt that business is
unsettled and folks who has money
s afeard to invest same! for fear
they'll lose it into the bargain, and
as a result their keeping , their
money in their socks or in the
clock or hid somewheres about the
house until bizness picks up & re-
soomes the even tenner of its wav.
In order to git at the root of
this matter we have gave several
of our most respeckted cittizens of
mngville & visinitty a opportunity
to express theirselfs on "Why Is
Money so Tight?" with the fol
lowing result :
Hen Wcathcrshy. prop of our
general store "The reason money
is so allfired tite is becuz folks is
mors stingier than they used to be.
Sa.II I
(Copyrighted, 1913. by E. A. feciar.)
Why, custummers Is tightern the
bark to a tree & my trade has fell
off turrible of late,"
Amos Hillyer, attorney, I. of
the P., and all around leggal light-
It s all due to lack of pubhek con
fidence, high tariff, reciprocitty,
union & laber, wimmen folks want-
in to vote and the open door pou
icy. If I wassent so buzzy'in my
law offis I'd make a speshial trip
down to Washington and tell them
law makers what to do to relieve
the money situashion."
Doc Livermore, Horse Vetema
ry & Human Speshialist "The
tightness of money in our midst is
due to over-inflashion & under
capitalisashion, combined with the
detriorashion of investments into
obnoxshious desewctude."
Hank Dewberry," retired "If
money is tite, it's news to me. I
ain't saw enny money for so long
that I didn t know whether it was
tite or not."
After reading the above authori
tive opirryuns you can lall draw
your own conclooshions, and if it
ain't askin too much we wisht you
would also draw us a check for a
porshion of your back subscrip
shion to the Bugle and fonvard
same to us by return mail. This
would be a turrible big boon to us
during the present financhial strin
gency-
Personal Squibs
Lafe Whittacre aays he's hawing a
turrible time with hi hens. Along in
the fall they wouldn't lay enny eggs to
speak of becui they was moulting, &
now they won't lay enny effgJ to speak
of becui the wether Is cold. Lafe ays
there is times when he wishes to good
ness he was shet of his whole passel of
hens.
Mrs. Hoskins made op Cy Hoskins
last wk a all wool shirt, & done the
work herself, but Cy refuses to wear It
bean ft scratches him turrible & makes
him nervtis and Scratchy. Cy Is purty
partickler what he wears next to him,
SUGGSETSHION- - Why dont you
wew underwear, Cy?
It Is reported on good authority that
Miss Sary Ann Gookins has fare Clem
Hlnes the mitten & broke off her en-
gagemnt with him, as yon might say.
Sary Ann ort to of eonslderd before
doing this becuz she atnt no spring
chikken enny more, and goodness
knows when she'll git another oporni
nlty to marry.
Slme Henderson's wife's grand
mother went to church last Sunday In
spite of the fackt that she is 90 years
of . age going on 91, and set up as
straight in church as ennybuddy, and
never dropped off to sleep onct We
call this pretty spry.
Brad Hinsley, who retd from the co
seat last Thursday, reports the mud
turrible deep in spots, and deeper than
that in other places. Brad stock twice,
and had to git polled out by folks liv
ing near the rold. "
Miss Jerushy Perkins has our thanks
for a nise mess of sawsidge which she
left on our desk one day last wk. This
is the first sawsidge of the season
whitch we have received. As a result
we et with great gusto of same and got
turrible sick. Nevertheless we thank
Jefushy, jor her kindness.
VII
FOILED!
Thats What Bill Hepburn Was by
Our Lion Hearted Constubble,
Seth Dewberry Bill Was in
tbe Town Lock Up lor Several
Hours & Seth Was in Mortal
Terrer! Full Particklers as
Per Below
Seth Dewberry, our lion hearted town
constubble, is in a turrible picket as we
go to press, and Bill Hepburn, our ar
tistick blacksmith, Is In jail & may ex
cape enny minnit.
Yesterday Eb Gookins, who lives on
the turnpike a mile west of Bingville,
driv into town and stopped at the offis
of Ame Hillyer, our talented loryer,
legal light, J. of the P. & et cettery too
numerous to mentchion.
Eb told Ame that a few days before
he had took his old gray mare to Bill's
shop to have her shod in front and that
Bill was under the inflooence of licker
and had made a botch of shooing the
mare to sich a extent that she had went
lame & was ruined for life as you might
say. As a result Eb brung a charge be
fore Ame against Bill of "Cruelty to
animals, obtaining money under false
pertense, & mal pracktise in shoring
horses." Eb swore out a warrant for
Bill's arrest dead or alive and left it
with Ame, then Eb left town and re
turned home.
Ame summoned Seth Dewberry to his
office and give Seth the warrant' to
serve. When Ame "handed Seth the
warrant Seth said he diddent see how
he could serve it being as he was so
biy on other criminal cases, but Ame
told him if he didden't serve it that
Bingville folks would think lie was
afeard of Bill and brand him as a cow
yard. Then Seth got up his dander and said
he'd show Bingville whether he was no
cowjard or not that he would arrest
Bill Hepburn or die in the attempt and
that if he had to give up his life in the
pursoot of ' his duty his only regret
would be that he didn't have haff a
duzren lifes, like a cat, to give uyp.
It has leaked out sinst that after Seth
left Ame's office he tried to deppytize
several of our best knowd cittizens to
arrest Seth, but all give one excuse 01
another and refused. At last Seth went
home, pinned on his big tin star to his
bnzzum, which he only wears on spesh
ial occashions. examined his two six
shooters to s if they was in workln
order, stuffed one in each pocket and
started out for Bill's blacksmith shop.
Seth marched right into the shop bold
as a lion where Bill was workin and
when Bill looked up and seen him and
his star Bill says, "Hello, Seth! You
look like as if you was a going to arrest
somebtidy." "That's what I am a going
to do," says Seth. "It's a good thing
you aint newer tried to arrest me,"
says Bill, biffing. "Why not?" says
Seth. "Well," says Bill, "if you tried "to1
arrest me it would be the last arrest
you ewer made in this world, being as
I would be ashamed to let a leetle mite
of a dried up wizzled" runt of a man
like you arrest me, and the pobabilities
is there would be a funeral."
Seth turned as pale as a gost and
gulped and choked and says, "Bill, Ime
the best friend youve got In Bingville
and if ererybuddy in this town was as
good a eittizen as you be there wouldnt
be much for me to do. Far be it from
me to a rest a law abiding cittizen like
vou."
After this Seth and Bill got very
friendly and all the whiie Seth was
"frthtfihms' up aoma sliama ta fast Bill
Finally Seth told Bill that if he had
time he wisht te goodness he would
walk with him down to the town hall
DON'T BE k TITEWAD!
Pay op your bade sub
scription to the Bugl &
thai fill knf -feit want on
oar part.
WE CANT RUN A FIRST
CLASS NEWSPAPER
ON HOT AIR & COLD
POTATOZE..
P. S.- If we are not an
leave the money with oar
wife next door.
lockup and look at a lamp in the lockup
whitch wassent working jest like it ort
to, being as h (Seth) thort with his
(Bills) mechantckal -genius could fix it
in a jiffy.
Well, Bill dropt his tools and him and
Seth walked arm in arm to the town
hall as friendly as you please. Seth
unlocked fhe lockup and pointed out
the lamp to Bill whitch needed fixin
and while Bill was examining the lamp
Seth he snapped shet the door behlnt
Bill and locked it!
When Bill discuwered that he was
a prisoner the way he cussed and
swore at Seth could be heard all over
Bingville, and it wassent long until
there was a big crowd around the jail,
including some of the most respeckted
cittizens of Bingville, who went away
turrible shocked at Bill's langwidge.
Rev. Moore, our beloved pastor, tried
to calm Bill by talkin' to him through
a winder and telling him it was wicked
to swear so, whereupon Bill swore
louder than ever.
Bill cussed Seth in partickler for
playing sich a lown down trick as that
on him. He said that no matter if he
had to stay in jail for life that as soon
as he got out he would thrash Seth
within a inch of his life.
Seth stood around pale as deth won
dering if Bill could bust the door down.
Seth askd Lem Brown, our expert car
penter, if it wouldn't be a good skeme
to nail some timbers acroit the door to
reinforce it, as you might say.
As the day wore on Bill cammed
down a good 'eal, and the crowd
around the lockup disbursed to their
various homes, all but Seth, who stood
on guard readv to run like blazes if
Bill should take another vilent turn
and bust outen the lockup When sup
per time come Seth had his wife cook
up a nice hot supper for Bill, which
Seth carried to the lockup and passed
rs .Bill through the winder, and also a
pint flask full of good licker. Bill was
a good 'eal surprised at this from Seth,
but he dru'nk the licker down at a glup,
and then askd Seth why he was so
kind and loving after a resting him
like that?
"Why, this is all a joke, Billy," says
Seth, "and after you ete your supper
I'm goin to let you out. I knowd you
could take a joke as well as ennybuddy,
so I thort I'd jest play a friendly one
on you, and if you'll take it that way
I'll open the door right now and come
in and set with you while you ete."
Bill said that in view of the licker and
tbe hot ripper, he was witling to take
the matter as s joke and for Seth to
come right in, whitch Seth done, & all
ill feelings betwixt Bill & Seth ended
right there. Bill said he would be wilt
ing to have a joke playd on him every
dar for a pt of as good licker as that.
Just what further ackshion' Eb will
take In his charges aginst Bill we ain't
learnt as we go to press.
Local Brevvytles
Subscribe for the Bugle before the
real cold weather sets in, & then youll
have somethink to read as you set be
fore the fire.
Ike Wllkins, who lives one mile west,
had his hair cut last wk like a blamed
fool, and now he had a awful cold in
his head, Why will folks have their
hair cut this time of year? It-seems
to us that's awful poor judgment.
Doc Livermore has mixed up a new
medisin which he would like to find out
the effeckt of on the human system,
and therefore calls for volunteers to
take a dose of same. Who will call at
Doc's office in the interests of hu
manity and try this experiment? May
be it will help you, and maybe it won't
who knows? Doc desires It under
stood that whoever tries this medisin
does so at their own risk.
Bud Kinckley who aint quite right in
his head got licked tt school one Jay
last wk by Jed Peters, our intelligent
ichool teacher, J Budche wedupa big
gob oi spruce gum untiTlt was soft,
and then pot it on Jed's chair. When
Jed had set on the gum for a spell and
A
went to rise, he tuk chair and all with
him.
Miss Amelia Tucker, Bingville's rain
ina; sossiety queen, will lead off the so
shial season in Bingville next Satterday
night with a charade party -to be give at
her palashial residence to a few ex-
cloosfve gests to the nomber of about
16, which, Amelia says, represents tha
"Bingville 400." Them as aint beea
asked are a good 'eal put out.
These it about all the local brewytiei
we can think of at this writine. .Some
wks local brervyties is plenty, and th
next they be as skeerce as hens teeth,
and you know how skeerce hens'
teeth is.
that little skift of snow whitch fell In
Bingville last Tuesday? It diddent
amount to much and the tun soon
licked it up, but it fira ma a (dear I
Therefore I have went and bought me
a seckond hand snow shuwel & I am
therefore pervided 'to clean off your
walks of snow for yon, being you de
sire to have them cleaned off. As a
rule most folks would rnthar aaa the
snow off their walks than on, and yet
at the same time they don't like to do
the shuweling theirselfs. being as it is
hard laber and then some people is too
proud to do it. As for ma I aint proud
and He shnwel your snow for you if
you so desire. I have tried a good
menny other kinds of work hut I aint
yet found a job that agrees with me.
I hop this wfll. Jest give me t
chanst at yoor snow. All you haft to .
do Is to notify tn and I will respond
promptly with my shuwel. Or tell Hen
Weathersby not to forget to tell tnt
that yoo told Mm to tell me that ye
want me.
Snaw anal lea ' alaa cleaned off en
roofs and eaten gotten at great risk
of life & lim to myself. Being as I
am liable to break my fool neck at .
this kind of work He haft to charge
you more for It than plain snow shuv
rellng on the ground. I charge by the
hour & I get as much per hour at pos
sible. Some people thinks its cheeper
to let the snow melt than to have it
shurreled. It may be cheaper hut how
does it look?
Yours for snow shuvveling,
BinnOle, HANK DEWBERRY;
Wee?
$
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