CORRESPONDENCE.
down. He would " knock & 1
S - ,Za! COFER, Statham, Ga. Editor
; :-r Fool-Killer, Dear Sir: I ana. sending
, ' --you five more subscriptions, to '.your
' : )papefV iThis make3 ten, I have gotten
v.uD for you. Now be ae sassy as you
HUBBARD'S LITTLE TALLER DOG. tears
crippled man's, crutch from under
Gentlemen, I am going to. tell you nim and leave the poor fellow pros-
STILL BEHIND.
the worst tale on North Carolina that
1- can thinks of at this writings It Is
this: V : ;
Down among the sand-hills, at
can. wope .. you wm uav , bucbo i jcaizueiu , v., is tue Btvuijjiue
with your papjer. I enjoy reading it. I ground of the most miserable, meas-
v" v I ' lev. - journalistic - jumping-jack . that
tratftd in the road. He would steal 1
the last sweet potato from a ' poor
blind nigger and give him nothing in
its place. " : .
And again, in looking over the
ground after the cyclone has passed
I notice that things are pretty much
the same as they were before Royr
Just as -usual, this issue is away
behind time,; and I am afraid some of
the; subscribers will not get the May
issue until " May has made her little
bow and departed." I'm awful sorry
for this, but have not been able to
help it. I "am working under great
difficulties, and have to get out the
paper just whenever I can- But I
am hoping that before long I can
catch up with old Father Time and
R. A; KEATING, Zadock, Mo Edit- ever defiled the mail-bags of these
or; Fool-Killer. Dear Sir: I received united states. This ' inkiniverous croft Saunders : annihilated them. It
vour card this morning on the first animal wears across the seat of its seems that things have a very ugly
train, and the next train brought The pants a sign-board bearing the name, habit of refusing to stay annihilated, send out each issue on the first of the
Fool-killer. Was certainly glad to get "The Down Homer' and it is , pub- The Down Homer can upset tne
it. The Fool-Killer is the sure thing. Ushed by a little bunty ' bald-headed Bible on every page, but the Old
It is not very good, for the fools, but bunch of brag and bombast answer- Book is just like a cube of granite
it is the thing for old Mister Wise ins to the name of W. O. Saunders, it's still right side up. He upsets
Peepul.
- J. O. WELLS, Hartford, Ky, Editor
Fool-Killer, Dear Sir: Enclosed find
75 cents for which please send The
Fool-Killer to the enclosed names for
one year, I have gotten in possession
This same Saunders is fully con
vinced in his own mind that he is the
goods. To start with, he has been
drinking deeply at the intellectual
fountain of the great East Aurora
Borealis. He thinks the sun rises
and sets in Hubbard's navel, and, he
it again, thinking sure he's got it
month for which it is dated. This
being so late is an annoyance to me
and , causes a great deal of confusion
among the subscribers. But please
understand - that I will catch up as
A FOOL OF LONG LYING.
of one of your sample copies and like firmly believes that the universe was
it, and everyone I have shown it to
likes it. J So I ' have made up a small
club and am mailing it to you. If
you will mail samples I think there
will be other subscribers. Yours
with best wishes for success.
C. G. ROGERS, Cashiers, N. C
Editor Fool-Killer, Moravian Falls;
N;SC Dear Sir: As it is the 28th of
made in the Roycroft Shop, v : f
And so, with the passing of time,
Saunders has managed to imbibe all
of Hubbard's meanness all of his
rotten theology and his materialistic
philosophy without getting so much
as a smell of Elbert's better qual
ities.
I myself am a great admirer of
ubbard's genius and versatility as
this time, but it's still right side up. soon as possible, and in the meantime,
EverV side of it is just alike, and let the clubs roll in.
every side is the right side. They
can up-end it and tip it over, and
turn it and twist it all they please,
but it will fall right side up every
pop. Maybe Saunders will discover
that fact after awhile. But in . the
meantime it's real comic to stand off
and watch him strain his mortal guts
A news dispatch from Boston con
tains the following' gob of informa
tion:
"Because his father prevented his
marriage to the woman of his choice,
out trying to pry the Eternal Truth Joseph ' Plummer, of Milton, N. H.,
off of its hinges. has remained forty years in bed. He
In one of its recent issues The is now, 71 years old. The girl he loved
Down Homer tried to chew up The is dead, but the old man has not been
I Fool-Killer and spit it out, but it
got cnoKea on the trutn ana naa a
jeeminy-flt and fell over in il. Now
told; in fact, he refused to speak of
her from the very day when he 1 said
to his father: 'If you will not let me
the. month ahd we have not yet re- a writer and thinker, but I am not lit can'-crawl up and rub the sand out have her, I will go to bed.' He went
ceived our April issue of The Fool-
Killer, we fear the man who wrote
you the letter and whom you named
"Whiffledick," has come and given
you a knocking down, since you re
fused to be called down. However,-we
hope this has not been the case, for
we still want your little spicy journal
of wit and humor to visit our homes
each morith. - We ' look forward to its
coming and don't see how we could
make out without it, since we have
got the habit Let us hear from you,
and what day of the month you print
your paper, so we will know when to
look for it, so if it was to get lost in
the mails we , could send for another
copy. (Dear Bro. Rogers: I wrote
blind to his faults. His theology is
dangerous in the extreme, arid much
of ' his high-toned philosophy ' is
founded on false theories. But he
was cunning enough to know what
sort of mental pabulum the; wicked
oldj world wanted, and he set out to
furnish1 the goods. To be a leader,
although he led people to hell, suited
Hubbard's vanity better than: going
to heaven alone.
, It is perhaps true that Hubbard
has more imitators than any other
man living, and W. O. Saunders is
one of the least of his imitators.
Saunders goes so far - as to ape the
Roycrofters in their manner of dress.
He wears the big turn-down collar
of its eyes and try me another pop if
it feels like it
Now in conclusion, I will explain
what the name Down Homer means.
.... f
It signifies that the editor's final
home is down way, way down yon
der where they don't , shovel snow
and Saunders, is on his way home.-
THE LATEST WAR NEWS.
and don't
you a personal letter in reply to the and the flowing Roycroft tie, and he
above, but I will also, print yout letter
; here and add a few words of comment
' for the benefit of other readers. As
to the date on which The Fool-Killer
is issued, I am sorry to say I have
not had any definitely fixed date so
far. It was my intention, and is still
twists nis little oam neaa to one
side and tries to look just as Hub-
bartiish as he possibly can. The im
itation is so palpably evident that a
Dima man couia see it. The poor
little fellow has "had his likeness
tooken," with the big choke-rag in
my desire, to mail out the paper right the foreground, and he has hired the
at the first of each month, but owing
to sickness and other unavoidable de
lays I got to running behind a little
every time, and it seems an awful hard
matter to catch up any more. For
several issues past I have been mail
ing near the last of the month, and
that has caused a lot of bother and
misunderstanding among the sub
scribers. A monthly paper should be
mailed so as to reach the subscribers
about the first of the month, and I
will arrange my mailing that way
just , as soon as possible. But for the
present I hope the readers will bear
with me patiently. I assure you the
v paper 'will be mailed to you some
' ' time during the month, and maybe
you will enjoy it the more , if you get
right good and hungry for it. The
printing and mailing of The Fool
Killer has grown to be a big job, and
1 with -my limited' facilities it takes a
longtime. Editor.)'
artist to Hubbardize the features as
much as possible. This picture he
prints on the front and back cover
pages of The Down Homer, and fills
in between with some of the most
infernal rotten hell-broth that ever
disfigured white paper. He kicks the
old Bible around like a foot-ball and
makes fun , of the faith , that is the
anchor of the soul for countless
thousands. He rubs Jesus Christ nut
of existence like a small boy rubbing
chalk, marks from a blackboard. He
squirts a sluice of blasphemy at God
Almighty and heaven goes out like
a match in the wind. Oh,. it is won
derful, how the great Saunders can
annihilate things! He can spit on
hell and put it out, and make the
devil climb trees and cry for mercy.
He can use his necktie for a sling;
put the earth in it and throw it from
here to to to East Aurora, I guess.
- But I notice that Saunders, the
icrriDie aestroyer, does not build
anything in the place of . what . he J Fool-Killer.
Diaz has resigned.
Diaz has. not resigned
intend to.
The war is ended.
It is now thought that the war will
end before long.
There is no telling when the war
will end.
There : has not been any war in
Mexico.
The fighting continues along the
border of the United States.
There has not been any fighting
anywhere about the border.
Several Americans have been killed.
No American has been hurt.
The Insurrectos have the Federals
on the . run.
The Federals have the Insurrectos
on the jump.
Madero has surrendered.
Madero has never thought of sur
rendering.
A great battle was fought last week
in which twenty-five ; thousand Fed
erals were killed and wounded, and
one Insurrecto sprained his ankle.
Later report says that no battle was
fought. The guns were merely firing
a salute. ' . -
Later : No guns were fired at all.
: A reliable dispatch says that terms
of peace have been arranged.
A reliable dispatch says that the
war clouds are darker than ever'
- A semi-official report says that an
epidemic of lice has broken out among
Madero's men. -
Madeiro officially denies that he ever
saw a'louse. "
If you want the war news; read The
to bed. The father, thinking: this per
versity of youth would pass in a few
days, carried him his meals. But he
did not get up. He continued in bed
day after day, week after, week, year
after year. Now he is so weak from
his long , inactivity , that he has lost
the use of his legs entirely."
An exchange prints the above and
heads it: '(A Fool of Long Standing."
But I can't see, to save my life, where
the ."standing" comes in. Seems to
me "A Fool of Long Lying" would ex
press it better. .
Geerwhiz, but wasn't he some man,
though ? The news item says he has
been in bed 40 years and is now 71
years old, which would have made
him 31 years old at the time he went
to bed. In this country a man 31
years, old is supposed to be free and
at liberty to marry whoever he dog
gon pleases, without the aid or con
sent of any daddy on earth.
The idea, of a middle aged man giv
ing up and going to bed just because
his daddy didn't want him to marry
the girl of his choice! Why, he didn't
have sand enough in , his gizzard to
rattle in a chigger's bladder, and was
too mortal lazy to draw his own
breath. - If I had been Jn Joe's place,
and was going to let Daddy .boss the
job to that extent, hang-taked if I
wouldn't have got Daddy to go out
and select me a Wife to suit ' his own
notion. A character weak enough to
wilt down and give up like Joe did
ought not to have been very hard to
please. '
.Why, I'll bet that fool has worn out
enough bed clothes in the last 40
years to pay tor a good farm, and
been more trouble to his folks than
'leventy-nine pairs of twins. ; I guess
the old man "got sorry he didn't let
his middle-aged infant have the girl
and go to thunder with her. But the
girl, if she . was worth shucks, must
have thanked her God and the old
man Plummer that she was , lucky
enough to escape. 3 1 '
1