Newspapers / The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, … / Aug. 1, 1911, edition 1 / Page 1
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" ; 7 . "'" ... - ' 1 - ' ii iii i ii ! iii i I i up . i rr "TZL -: VOL. II. MORAVIAN FALLS, NORTH CAROLINA, AUGUST, 1911. NO. 8. - V YES, IF. Says a poky paragrapher In a penny morning sheet: "We could save a pot. of money If wa didn't have to eat" . That's a fact beyond disputing, And it's evident, no less, That our wads would be much fatter If we didn't; have to dress. Furthermore, the truth here stated Should be plain to any gawk: . W; We could save a lot on footwear . If we didn't have to walk. Then again we'd do more labor And some extra shekels reap; ' -m-Also save on beds and b?dding , x if wa didn't. .havs, to-; sleep.' CONSIDER THE FLEA. T. Summing up, to this conclusion i Free indorsement you will give: We could be as rich as Rocky If we didn't have to live. Speaking of bravery, what's ' the matter with the . little bid razor backed, hopping flea? c It was -i old man Solomon, I believe, who iidvised us to consider the ant. But I think I Sol let a mighty good chance : get? a way when he failed' to call our atten-. tion to the festive and fleet-footed flea. ' ' - .Say, you old puckery plugs, of. hu manity, did you ever lay aside your corn-cob ; pipe r long ; enough to con sider the flea? Did you ever wake up in the shank end of the night with a sensation .as if a fisherman was A ? crcH n or trtr KqI In tit a email " nfVAiir it,' . - j " .v . T e&& """"" wi : lengtn, you couia - araw a I don't know whether he is naturally a dare-devil, or whether he just ain't got sense enough to": be afraid., But T .: . - ii. . i n ' . . " . i guess ne Knows : wai me ciumsy r fingers of a mere human are not hard 'for him1 to dodge. 't " ' - The' flea can out-jump all creation. He is about one-sixteenth of an inch long, and he can easily jump, five I feet,.- or . 960 times his awn . length. The average man7 is nearly six feet tall. In order to jump as far as Mr Flea" ( considering the size of ' the. jumper) - man would Jiave to jump something over a mile. And .wouldn't that ; be , some - jumping, though? If you could- jump 960 times ypur own back? I can see you with iy mind's eye Las sm .get up in your smrt-tall ana :-hti, vet th litiie old-neskvW can it the lamp. It doesn't " matter totA that nn'WAlhinViTnhinV crowd than all the circuses andr soon be richer x than John Rob-a-feller. DON'T SHOOT I'LL SURRENDER. My preachment last month about the exchanges being such dry pick ing seems to have sorter soured on the stomach of the "Big Pistol" man. He squirts about two columns of his new-fangled, home-made words at me and wants to know if I meant any thing personal. He is willing to bet this, that and the other that The Big Pistol was not: In that pile of ex changes. You're a good'guesser, Ben The Big Pistol was not there. I get a few choice exchanges that I put in a different pile, and The Big Pistol goes with the " choice ones. I read them carefully, squeeze out. all the mental juice I can. get, and lay them away for future reference. I take better care of. The Big Pistol than the editor of The Lash does. T'other day I happened; to step in at the home of L. B. Laws, and I. sez to him, sez I: .- "Look-ee here, Laws, you must be mighty careless with your-firearms." ' "Why so?" sez he. "Well," sez I, "just now,vas I came in, I saw a Big Pistol lying out there on the walk." ' "'-.- Now, Ben, ;you know who appreci- ates you most here at Moravian Falls. You are one among , ten thousand, and altogether- funny. So just keep The Big-Pistol' loaded to the muzzle; and every time ' it fires" make the old sinners thirik judgment has come. , light the lamp you that the window is open, and that the Voung courting couples are, pass- ing on their way home from night meeting. I see you twist that flowf ing garment . first to ' one side, aha then the other, and crake your neck like a sick gander as you try to take a fine sight down your backbone. f ii At last you catch sight of the cause of all your trouble. He is " sitting cross-legged under the hem of 4 your shirt-tail and quietly chewing on that hunk of meat that he excavated from the region of your spine. , You set your jaws like a vise and your fingers like a steel-trap, and grab!" You rub that shirt-tail be tween your finger and thumb ; till it begins' to smoke, and then you open up, . expecting to find the mutilated remains of tha't "flea, about thirteen times out of a dozen you will be somewhat surprised at the abrupt and pronounced manner in which he is not there You rub liniment on tnat flea-bite, at the same time thinking a;; few words that it isn't proper for.;' nice folks to . say. Then , you sadly -puff out the light and tumble . back Into your bunk. You ain't more than got to sawingv gourds rightgood till 'Mr. Flea' is back on the joh with "a steam drill and two or three jdred' hands. Ah, dogon your spotted hide, mis ter, you can't get'- ah ad of -the .flea. He ' is the most! act! y and elusive creature in -'ail the $arth. ; He .can bite you' -on the hip" or the big . toe, and then -be a. hundred yards off and sound asleep in the dog-house .be fore you have time ti grab! at him. do that and' we "never think anything about it. r-- "t ' " If there : was t an animal a - million times bigger than Vou are, I ' think you'd be sorter ?r careful . ; ho w you messed with it. You wouldn't, be apt to crawl up its leg and bite it on the belly, or the shoulder blade. ; You'd be afraid. But you C are a - million times bigger than the' flea, and . he don't' ask you one bit. of odds. , He just shoulders his little- meat-axe and goes galloping over your mortal cor- porosity any. time he ; feels like it, and - the only thing you can do is , to claw and cuss And so it seems to me that even the flea possesses some traits of char acter that we might learn to admire if we would just go at it in the right way. Therefore I say unto you, consider the i flea. , If you are growling at. the hot weather now, you .will have a chance to change wends with your v growler about next; Christmas. CASEY'S PICTURE. The , flea " has ' absolutely Casey; decided to go into business so he bought out a small livery stable and had a, painter "make a . sign for him showing him astraddle of a: mule He,' had . this sign placed inrfront of the stable i and was quite 'proud of it His friend Finnigan happened along and stood gazing at the sign. ghat's a. good picture, of .me, ain't it?" .asked-Casey. - - : "Sure, it looks something 'likeyou," said ,Finnigan,-. "but .who , in - the devil TALK,' TALK, TALK, TALK. I recently saw, a -newspaper article 1 with the above heading. I didn't read c he article, "and don't, have afly more if! Minn q Tin-or wliof if woo tihmif . But. the head can eh t me. and 1. said o myseii, . inero: uuess in jusi ; hook that heading: and use it. as a . summer bonnet for one of . mv own preachments." 'V- . Talk, talk, "talk,: talk. M I I I I IIH.I1 tKH M llliy II HM I II Mllll IHIK some more. . - - It takes 'talk to run the 'world.' v , And 1 don't wonder at it, for lots of L the talk I hear is eneueh to run-most ' anything... 1 v ' "." --.t-' 11 nearly runs -me4, crazy sometimes. Don't bother to - think, but just talk. 'Thinking"" tires v the' thinker. but talking1- Only i -tires" the Hllsf enerand'"" that don't -matter v - " rnereiore taiK. .1- . .rvV, Talk early and often Aate and loiid;-; (io into tne omce wnere people are busy, . crank your mouth, and put It to work. ' -!.".' : : - :'- The boss pays r his hands tp listen And they enjoy it .- '" If somebody velse is talking5 about something of ? importance, that's, just me nine lor you u uuu m. unxvo. ; away and tell 'em you . know more1 about it than they do. ' That's good manners., .' It don't matter whether you know anything or "not make a bluff and pretend that you know.-- -1 ' ' -t The less .'you know the more you should stalk. " , . - - 1 . -Make up in talk what you lack " in knowledge, and maybe your will : fool somebody into : thinking ? you are Exercise is good for the - tongue therefore-let it, wag. ''.'.. Tell . 'em v your name is Mr. Gabby Jack , from away . up Longtongue Creek. - - - ' ." V " JUST DISSOLVED. no fear. lis that. man on your back?" ' r -;"So you broke your engagement with Miss Spensive?" - ; 'No, I didn't break it": ' V v"Oa, theiirshe broke It, didshe?" -i"o, she didn't break it. .,, : ' X'But it is broken, isn't it?"? V. v, "Yes; she told me what, her clothing. cost; and I tofd.ner wnat; my income was, and then our engagement sagged ih the Vmiddle : and just; gently ;f dis-: solved.". ' V . '7.;-V
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
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Aug. 1, 1911, edition 1
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