Newspapers / The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, … / July 1, 1913, edition 1 / Page 4
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J Pfage Four THE FOOL-KILLER July, 1913. Letters From the Folks. G. A. BOUNDS, Rocky Mount, La. I am sending you $1.05 and a list of subscribers to your paper. Think you are handing out the very kind of dope to loosen up the old mossbacks' hides. So hit them hard. W. T. NELSON, Huston, La. En closed find money order for $1.40 for which kindly send your paper to the enclosed addresses. I had rather do without red pepper on my biscuit than to do without your valuable paper. MRS. DORA ROBERTSON, Mc Kinney, Texas. I wish to thank you for your visits. I think you are one of the best little papers I ever read. My three little boys take a delight in reading you. I am geting up a club to send in soon. OH AS. J. STRAHL, McKeesport, Ia. I got hold of your great little paper and I think it is fine. Showed it around here and got a few of the wise ones to subscribe. Enclosed you will find money order for $1.38 for eight subs. J. E. STOKER, Monticello, Ark. I am enclosing a list of subs with money order to cover same. 1 am a" new one myself, and saw my first copy of the paper last week. I became interested in the philosophy of The Fool-Killer, and the enclosed list is the result. BALLARD & BENISON, R5, Ashe- ville, N. C. Enclosed please find $3.90 for which send your paper to the enclosed names. The club was made up by Arthur Ballard and E. H. Beni son. This is our first club. We hope to do better next time. H. M. BERRY, New Brookland, J3. C Say, I took a copy of your little paper away from a big rat down here, and now I 9ee why he was hold ing to it. And 14 more rats here want it. You will find enclosed a list of names and an order for $2.10. Please don't forget us we need it. W. J. McCARD, Rl, Meansville, Ga. Find enclosed money order for $1,05 to pay for a club of seven subs to The Fool-Killer. Send me some sam ple copies I think I can send in a J)ig club. I got up this club in one hour. Only saw one number of The Fool Killer. So darn the expense! Pour on the molasses let her come. R. M. POWELL, Sallisaw, Okla. Here I come again with my little band of subscribers. If you have any of the last issue on hand I want you to start with that issue as there is so many of them wanting that paper. I am always glad to do what I can for The Fool-Killer. May it live long and prosper, is my wish. Enclosed find $1.65 to pay for eleven subs. C. C. COON, Pinnacle, N. C I have been taking The Fool-Killer for a year, and like it fine. Well, I can't tell you how good I do like it. Had rather read it than any other paper I ever read in my life. So I am going to subscribe again and see what you will have to say the next twelve months. Well, Mr. Pearson, I have got up a club for The Fool-Killer and I hope they will all get the paper all right. If you will send me some sample copies I will hand them out for you. J. H.M. SMALL, Conway, Miss. I received two copies of your paper for this month. I am fond of reading the sassy little heifer, so if you will look it up on your bill-board you will find my old sub has not expired yet. So please graft my renewal to the end of my old sub and make it as long as possible, and send just one each month. I was raised up there in those hills just on the Georgia side of the Blue Ridge, so it seems like some of my folks had come when I get The T1 TTM1 j? ooi-Jviiier. JOHN GIBBS, 122 South Church St., West Chester, Pa. Enclosed find money order for five subs to your pungent periodical of thrilling thought. These subs were gotten with one sample copy that you sent here. So if you can I want you to send me several back numbers so that I can distribute them. I am sorry that I my self can't subscribe, because I move around from town to town and have no permanent address. But I am sure that I can get others to subscribe by just giving them one look at your paper. Mister Pussy-Foot. I am in receipt of a mighty smooth, pussy-footed sort of a letter from some kind of a So cialistic Roman. Catholic whang- doodle out west who takes it up- on nimseii to advise me as to how I must handle the Catholic question. This Romanized rooster covers three typewritten pages trying to conceal the fact that he would like to bite my head off for tell ing the truth. He tries to pass himself off for a Socialist, think ing, perhaps, that will take me off my guard, but he is badly mistaken. I can see through him same as if he had a glass window in his belly. Yes-sir-ee-bob! My self-ap- apointed Catholic adviser wants me to shut up like a biled clam and let the pestiferous pappycrats have a free hand. He even offers to pay me to keep silent says he will get me a club of Catholic subscribers if I will surrender my convictions and tip-toe around just to suit him. Great spoons! Wonder if the fool really thought I was that kind of an easy mark? Say; Pap pycrat, Where did you get the idea that I was so bad off for Catholic subscribers? Fact is, I don't care two straws whether you or any of your hypocritical high-brows read The Fool-Killer or not. It would be casting pearls before swine, anyway, and I rather send the paper where it can do some good. Oh, yes, and Mister Pussy foot wasted a one-cent stamp to send me a copy of a Catholic paper, just as if he thought I didn't have anything to read and was totally ignorant of the do ings of Romanism. Never mind, buddy, I know a few things and am able to pay for all the papers I need. But in the columns of a Catholic paper is a dickens of a poor place to look for the truth about Romanism. You might as well consult a nigger chicken thief for evidence of his guilt, or call on a saloon-keeper for temperance lecture. PLUTOCRATIC PRAYER. Oh, thou great, bald-headed pappy which art in Rome, we come sprawling down before thee again for the purpose of kissing thy big toe. Poke it out here quick. We realize that thy toe is dirty yea, that it stinketh con siderablebut we love to kiss it. Put on thy specks and look at us, 0 pappy. See how devoted we are. Of course thou rememberest us, for we have bowed before thee many times. We are thy favorite lickspittles, the United Plutes of America. Thou knowest, 0 pappy, that we plutes maintain various and sundry organizations and that we pretend to oppose each other in many things. We are the sole owners of several political par ties, and the sham battles we have among ourselves are enough to tickle a dog. But when it comes to getting down and making blooming jackasses of ourselves before thy mighty muchness, we are all of one mind. We realize, great master, that thy system of religious graft is the richest skin-game that the devil has ever been able to hatch up, and therefore we look unto thee as our political Moses. It is our business to keep the masses of humanity in slavery and ig norance, and for this purpose thy system of religious paganism has no equal. When we can get the bridle of religious slavery in a man's mouth, it is no trouble to put the harness of political oppression on his back. And then we can work him wherever we please. Sometimes we make him pull our Republican wagon, and sometimes our Democratic dog cart, and the poor ignorant fool thinks he is doing his country a great service. We thank thee, mighty dago, for all the low-down cussedness and lying hypocrisy which thou art able to palm off on the world as religion. We thank thee for thy pot-bellied priests who can get drunk and seduce innocent girls, and play hell in general, and still remain sinless and holy. We thank thee for getting one of thy pets appointed as private secretary to the president, so that all of our state secrets must go directly to thee. We thank thee for thy Catholic secret orders, such as the Jesuits, the Knights of Columbus, and so forth, and for thy trained armies of mental prostitutes who are ever ready to shoulder arms against their government. If it comes to the pinch that the un der dogs get roused up and are about to prove too strong for us, we thank thee that thou hast thy pagan army ready to help us out. Oh, great Romish pappy, we don't know how to thank thee enough for the recent attempted murder of Jeremiah Crowley by the Catholic thugs of Oelwein, Iowa. We pray thee to have thy thugs keep up that sort of busi ness and maybe they can finally stamp out this infernal "free speech and free press" heresy that is now threatening the Howly" Church. Just between thee and us and the gate post, thou knowest, 0 pappy, that we don't care a cuss for thy "religion," except to the extent that we can use it to bumfuzzle the poor, ignorant people. But don't tell anybody we said so. We are willing to pretend that we believe thy tom foolery for the good effect it has on our business. Stand by us and "bless'' our cussedness, and we will praise thee and thy cussedness. Amen. V THE PLUTES. Setting and Hatching. Getting ready to print The Fool-Killer is sorter like raisincr chickens only different. An old hen sets three weeks before she hatches, but this tomfoolery which you are reading has to be hatched before it can be set. I do the hatching, and then I turn over what I have hatched to the type-setter and he sets it up. Thef setting was about to get ahead of the hatching just now, and that's why I hatched this piece. SECRET LODGES. Law, yes, honey, I used to be sorter opposed to secret lodges on general principles, and if I have changed very much in that re spect, nobody has noticed it. Of course there is probably something purty good in the secret lodges, but they are too doggon selfish with it. If the Free Masons and the other gangs of goat-riders have got something hid away in their tail pocket that is of such wonderful value, it is their duty to give the public the benefit of it. They certainly ain't got anything better than the teach ings jof Christ, and He didn't go behind closed doors and whisper His truths to a few favorites who were able to pay lodge dues. No sir! He went about openly telling the good news to all who would stop and listen. Now, Mister Goat- Straddler , have you got something that is better than the Sermon on the Mount, or have you got something that you are ashamed of? Huh? I am waiting for an answer. The letters M. D. after a doc tor's name mean "Money Down."
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
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July 1, 1913, edition 1
4
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