Newspapers / The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, … / Sept. 1, 1913, edition 1 / Page 2
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September, 1913 Page Two THE FOOL-KILLER. The Fool-Iiiller A Pungent Periodical Thought. of Thrilling PUBLISHED MONTHLY. EDITOR, J. L. PEABSOff, One year to your heart, 25 Cents. In clubs of Five orMore, 15 Cents. Entered as second class matter March 30, 1910, at the postoffice at Moravian Falls, N. C, under the atf of March 3, 1879. TAKE NOTICE! Do not send postage stamps on sub scription. ; . Remittances should be made by registered letter, express or postoffice money order. Be- careful to write your own name and address plainly, lotters and make all and direct all orders payable to: THE FOOL-KILLER, llorayian Falls, - - - North Carolina. Lei Us Talk It Over Well, dear sinner Ihe Fool Killer. friends, this is I - I How does it set on your stomacn": If you like it, you can get more at headquarters. .. The Fool-Killer is not even a ioriy- neventh cousin to any other paper on m vmm, vu. 4 Ti i. A J n olasa VfT .faolf STld 1 field is as broad as the English Linguage. - ..5S?-S,,r n ' Tou'can Dut that down to start with. I am the fellow who worics at tne fump-nanaie on mis puugeut ycnuu- ical of thrilling thought. I print only . j. think; and I thtak what I doggon "TSWn- this entire establishment, buu uuur-cicu.i wu t x luy one snare oi it. m , A I S3? " rr, rMt II Cll) UiKJO JW M. J. O- deal richer than old John. trt I taw nWaT-SIta I have also writ a few boons wmcn I know are great, because they don't 1 ell worth a cent. Great books never do. And then I started The Fool-Killer, l ist to quiet my nerves and keep the eld press from getting rusty. From the seclusion of these wooded tills there will go forth each month e, bundle of literary dynamite that trill shake the rotten foundations of f ociety and cause the Church of Mam non to at least turn over in its sleep. The Fool-Killer is a monthly mus- tird-plaster for the blood-boUs of I - - K'vivxclj, vuutv;u auu oiaw. It is salted with wit, peppered with :umor and seasoned with sarcasm. l Every line cuts like a whip, and every word raises a blister. If you are a fool you had better not lubtcribe for The Fool-Killer. If 3'ou are wise you will. And so that f ettles it Hadn't we better let Mexico -.v,v, uu.ix xViJ subdued Y JtluhY -1 mmmmmm - The Roman Catholics tell us that Saint Peter was the first DOne of the Eoman Catholic church, Then it's a clear Vase that. Pptor Wasn't, as nilffftn lin Over his inh jis the present pope, or he would Iiqtta cnirl enmftliinor .Vnnt it. ' .iMfw -. ,v,.Uvv..h xw. IDIOTORIALS. I Has Wilson's low-eost-of-living hit you yet? ; 7i ' r "' , A man's will power is helpless when it butts up against a wo- man's won't power. Tammany seems to think Governor Bromo Sulzer is pretty bad medicine. If two governors can't manage little old New York, why in the dickens don't they appoint a few moref In sendiDg in subscriptions to this paper, please state whether faey are renewals or new subs. Don't forget this. Canada is usually a pretty cold country, but they have been having a Thaw up there for the can answer it! Can you? But speak- to Mister Priest that if his se past few weeks. Slush! ing of a baby-tax, it always seem- crets" kept on multiplying that At the present rate, Woodrow's low-cost-of-living is due to reach us about the time that old Aunt dinay gets tO De a little girl. I want to fret a letter riffht nlum - . i I quick irom every person wno reads d j , letter . ... i.-i. -i.t. 10 contain a wnoppmg uig ciuu. .. If you want to read some of the richest burlesque and keenest satire you ever saw. just keep a skinned eye on The Fool-Killer. it all tne men ana women in tne wnTiJ WAT.A tntretliPr intn int worict were put togetner into just there be two of the torn-down-est big fools! ... . Ain'f if nwfn fnnnv tn think- a-k Jb W Ml . W4W V W V V1.A4.A.A, I about how dearlv the doe- does V C3 iove the rabbit? Sav, Rube, the silk-hatted plute loves you just Kiti.-t Jewels valued at $75,000 were recently stolen from the home of C. C. Rumsey at Narragansett. I just dare any old thief to attempt sucn a tricK as tnat at my nouse. Lord, I care not for riches, gold, sang the neither silver nor fair lady in the church choir. But . , . care to - . m-m m m m mm m l stand where the light could reflect L ! nnA Ai A v , , U1 necklace. The inventive genius of modern man is rlnino- wnnrloT-c rrl if i ii-i .-11 - . couia still greater wonaers it it had a better chance. SocietV COUld ... . ft-V Mw. M A -f-h. -M -A -K -i r A A . -H r-B - --- A. ue .-uigauiaeu a,uus "ues tuat would give every human being a gracious plenty of the good things of life: hut the infernal hoo-o-ish- I 7 t oo ness of the "nrivileaod pW I x ' Lnfr-onhohinrl hract.nrni.Vc vuv-v-iv-iv-- w-.viow VI nrnlrl will nnt ollnw it. tn rlnno Oh, the craven cussedness of nKimin ol TTroltVf viiuuiuai hciiu. - Lee S. Overman, a U. S. Sen- atnr from North Carolina, is minted as 'savins' that W. Henry I -1 f V I Davis, editor of The Hornet, is personally known to him to be "a OTlflom5m wl1 finp aW1: ty and exceedingly industrious. " Well, what of that? A thief can be ''clever;" a grand rascal can have ' 'ability ' and we all know that the devil is "exceedingly industrious." Make another pass at it, Mister Senator. As a further proof that it is im- possible to please everybody, I see where some kind of a French f e- male thing is advocating a "baby tax," while Roosevelt would like Thus they secretly lived to to grant all mothers a graduated gether in secret "marriage," and pension and a vote of thanks. Who is right? Are there too many babies, or ndt enough? Hanged if I ed to me that the arrival of a new baby was both the tax and the receipt. .It does seem, however, that the distribution of the kid Wines is all out. of whaelr Thev -11 J A. ... T J- a11 wmt5 auu u "vervy TTlafo tttVioto t.Vinir ran't. VQ Viol-f , ."" v raiseo while the palatial homes of the rich are childless. But there is . ---- 7. . where the poodle dog has his m- ning, and that's some help to the dog! BRING THEM IN. Howdy, brethren and sistren! How do you all come on this fine morning? It has been a whole long month since I pulled your latch- etrirtir and Rp.rar.pn m v hrftD-ans nn 0 & 7 - yur aoowrap, ana i was getting -I j . y awful anxious to see yu aam- 1 am your preacner, you Know ana I'm plum aoggon proud ot my pium aoggon proua ot my congregation. I am preaching to 100,000 of you this month. Just think what a crowd that would be if you were all together. - I have never seen your faces, and of course 1 never win, out we are iiicuua jusu ixic oci luc. x a personal interest in every one of you, and I want you to feel the sama wav toward me. I am dointr .." . . my best to give you some iimdandy good preaching. If you like the . .,. .. x . - way spoon out me uot trucK, nlease invite all vour friends to - come to our meetm'. Pew rent is only fifteen cents a year if as many rt W.I i . are going to have a regular revival frnm now on. and thp. mnnrnfr'c r: . . : : :. . -.il 1 - V oencn win oe crowaea an tne time. Every service will be worth a dollar. So please show this paper naiW. A r4nAa I IV nil .t vul uuxcu u uiuu. xiivuuo - a T?i.Tr;iirt- ouu v -uvj uiii vmx -A- wvy i-inci L-,:j 4-1- Uie. UU . II . LLV IU iUitim -.-.--.- 4,--,4- .vr, U U iL coat-tail and bring 'em along any- i nnw. Another Romish Devil caugnr. - v.. mm 1 a Just as this issue of The Fool- ' ... 1 Xiller goes to press tne daily papers contain a blood-curdling o,mnnt of the awful crime of another Romish hellian, and his capture by the police of New York. ' 'Rev. ' ' Hans Schmidt, a Roman Catholic priest, is the villian of this true story. A priest can't marry, you know, but this buck "fell in love" with a servant girl and went through the operation of "marrying" her to himself m secret, acting as both priest and bridegroom. after awhile it developed that the "wife" would soon become a mother. All of a sudden it occured wav thev would beerin to leak out before lonff an(i would be sure to get him into trouble. The girl must be disposed of at once. I nnn't Irnmxr wW ht didn't TiMa 1 J. Jjt L11 ner in a convent iie tney usuany I Ar in ciilt nocac nnloca Via v" thought that would be too mild a primp tn satisfv his hlnnd-thirstv " rf nature. Anyway, the upshot of it all was that this "holy man of God" slipped into the bed-room where the girl he "loved" (?) was a sleep and prayerfully socked a butcher-knife through her trust- ing heart. In his confession he tells how he toted. thefd thetoth- , . . . ..' and cut ner to nipeps with thoV I JC r ' V V A VUV butcher-knife and a saw. After which he wrapped up the pieces in bed-clothes, smuggled them to 1,0 the river and dronnpd thPm in THen with a sigh of relief the "holv" man went hnolr tn hia church to hear confessions and forgive sins! Oh the devil Whv WILL civilized people allow such a hellish svst.Pm tn iaf o- I them" But there is another chapter to the story. Some of the pieces of Li- i: ". . . . tlie uibmemoerea girl were found -;TT . , , viBaBBiaa - u a m m m w m wrm vi a a wi pai ak . - trarpd Hotf 5 T, J uraceu Dy detectives right to the door of gaint jospnt., prtyvio-. r4.v.: t , , wuioiic cnurcn, and Rev." Han W.rr.uH o..;---.i. A . .r. w;-u , ? 5 11T- Ttnrh hin n w-.J f 11 . 1X1 aU a IU11 . -...vuuiun yjx. tJiAc w i ii i im n nnmr A-v-p mi . -mere is your wo f witv, ti. I " V V - UJLJL a I shppn'q pint!.. j L- ;j. mU. . . v"u. iooi: Wo-L qTJL rl f 01fe(? case. . , i part oi a diabol- inn oirotiwi . Jol'C111 Uiat carnes on such I WnTK 5IQ O rDrrnlovi T wulftt guiar DUSiness. way to prove it is to t k e hest i. . aK6 nis SUb- I HCriDLlOn TO I hp Wrnf XT ill - - MW K -T . M I 1 I m-m W"
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
Sept. 1, 1913, edition 1
2
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