Newspapers / The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, … / July 1, 1914, edition 1 / Page 1
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VOL. V. MORAVIAN FALLS, NORTH CAROLINA, JULY, 1914. NO. 5. HERE AT HOME. THE "UPLIFTER!" BAH. Yes-sir-ee-bob ! Johndee, Junior, is a honey, but the bees haven't found it out yet. If recent devel- We Americans are wonder! think of all our mighty deeds! That's the subject of the present We can oversee 'the nations and sup-ppments don't knock some of the ply their crying needs, shine ott ot his smugly pious But we're mighty poor providers samtship it will be a wonder to here at home. Lyip TTiptp Vm IpsItpH mil onnncK human feelinc somewhere, to start We can search for destitution in the , T ... . , , v v - v and inquiry into tne Uoiorado Like a woman hunting "boogers" mumenesi recently carnea on with a comb, under1 the sheltering: wine of Sending food in great abundance Standard Oil. And the threat Svm where there s any sign of dearth, But we cannot feed the hungry here at home. day School spouter has been call- not a moment to iLK-ftr TliUM .EArui wuininu nnu vrnx FROM FATJJNO. I NOTHING. Oh. the .snivelling hypocrite!! He ought to have three bushels of Whoop! Sick-em! What news, mad hornets turned loose m nis what news Mere. it comes shirt-bosom and a Coals to dance on. bed of "hot ONLY A FALSE ALARM. We are great at arbitration under far- off alien skies, give an account oi nimseli: And when His Holy Smugness got on the stand it would have And it's easy making peace beyond been funny to hear him if it had me loam; , . . We can settle all the fusses that in x "u w Mexico arise, that he had not had much time to But we can't keep peace and order look into the working and living conditions of those who were slav ing for him in Colorado, but he blandly repeated his old threat straight from the Treasury De partment that Secretary McAdoo has taken his adoring eyes off his blushing bride long enough to And so we had all that terrible discover the Income Tax law is a scare for nothing. Well I'll be failure And he seems utterly doggonedl ine saa, saa news . , . d:Vftrv. weii came wopefully out ot kouth bles ti what did McAdoo America that the only Toothadore , . TOO Specksvelt had accidently drop- ceed? If he ig a M fool ped his beautiful We in the nj- than : took him to be x don,t er and had almost lost his lite . v. ; ..v. ed before the board of inquiry to trying to rescue it. Then we were rsT newl tiie t cnvp. an ao.o.mint ot hnnsp t- r trpaf pH in a finp fl.J5Sort.TTi en t, Ot . -. -t : here at home. to We can send the blessed gospel the Daeroes and Chinks. Building churches both in Shanghai that unionism should be crushed and in Rome; we can .wash and save the Feejee, who's so evil that he stinks, But we can't convert the heathen here at home. out even if it bankrupted his com pany to do it. He shied around the gun business and the errew some murder scenes at Ludlow, trying to smooth it over with the James Larkin Pearson, pretext of it being necessary to protect those who remained true slaves for the boss. The murder and burning of those innocent women and children didn't seem passing t0 effect his pious pluteship a bit more than the killing of that a be FASHIONABLE CHURCHES a While in Washington City J? 1 . T -Lew aays ago l was through the multi-millionaire sec tion with a friend who pointed out many chickens. It was just to me a great, fine Catholic passing incident, and h ad to church which he described as "a done for the good of the business very tashionable and exclusive Yes. the business! There's the church." Did vou eret that? keV-WOrd to t.hp wholp sitnntivn fashionable and exclusive Where Bio" Biz is p.OTTP.prTipd. stnp.h i i 1 1 ttt w , , . ? cnurcn. was Jesus "lashion- a trifle as the life of a human be exclusive?" No indeed! iner is not considered at all Then how utterly ridiculous are But at the same time all these'' such words,, in connection with things are eroiner on under the att- peopie wno pretend to be the fol- thonty of the Standard Oil Com iowfrs oi tne meek and lowly pany, what do we find Johndee, Nazarene! If such blasphemous Junior, enoed in? "HPim 1 WTiv 11 i -i ,. : I ' O" O " ' ' ".7 Kioiaters aon t letch up one of shucks, I thought everybody Liicc uays in a very iashionabie knew he was the sign-board of the mm Elusive nen, it will be a Sunday School and the white wonaer to me. wino-ed atid-pI nf I10 t?.it O VJ- uxxv xvvu xjiKut J iiiwiuo UC J-U TTTTIP trk fihoH taayo onl c.!nKKo ,r v, cm ouic UUiC iUi lue DIUeS, er thP tfl Pn wnman oft T'c, ?S wad?,thf.0 trZa few d?ses hellish system has made her fall. ux meroowuier. it never tails Indeed, he is so busy pretending to produce results. n "v,wnf" t,- n x. v that the thing would not succeed. -1 i ( j-n n t a 1 I vx' "U." "t v it was never intended tor any Lion-Eater was getting hollow- guch purpose. Its only object was ejreu, iidueu, auu to make the hayseeds think they m the knees. He was losing his l a mpthtr trms strenuosity and slowly petering thrwi them off their guard and out Even the afflictions of Job iyin the robbers a stm better had settled upon him and the dogs gnanjg were out on a stride, it looned tit titaj t u like we would joon have to send Fool.Killer a little more carefully, an expedition down there to sift and he might avoid some of thege awful shocks and surprises. It is a great pity that Mr. McAdoo has the sands of South America and bring home his teeth in a wheel barrow. That was the way the, sensa tional news-mongers tried to been too busy all his life to ac quaint himself with the simple tact tnat you can t work any make it appear, and they had us tricks on a millionaire. For every otoicu till Lll wc OUUlU.il L see straight. But, O glory halleluyer! money kins Can study up ten ways of dodging it. You might as well try measuring wind in a shifter. A millionaire is an ex pensive luxury, and the poor man always foots the bill. If he don't foot it directly, he does it indi rectlyit always come out of his What sweet relief it was when the mighty exploder (excuse me I mean mighty explorer) again stamped his feet on Uncle Sam's dirt and asured us that he is still very much alive. No, sir, the Lion-Choker has not lost his helath, his habits, nor his pocket xxv, v,n iuc vcxLioxug uaamesa. And VPt Mr. William a M,. the picture of him enjoying him- a,i s.woiflW f rri ' self in his good o d comfortable and brand.new SOn-iu-law of the VJL?ufIltna "a7S? President, was actually surpris ri. f i : i im-i.iv mi i 1 1.1 iiih iiimii irv mm t i 1 11 . r- s 77, - ed tnat tne income tax law didn't Leais ui irrateiui triaaness to a t: mi. . . jwoi' iiiajvc xiiLtcx-txees grow in eyes. ine natives, OI man 'a varH TVTo . course being unfamiliar with the good plan is to ne;er exect a le,fl One were stricken with thingf and then you wont be iiui vviicn at me ciuse ui me appointed suaKe-ngni, ne graDDea tne vic torious snake and pertormed a Wilson was f?oW to matp few graceful evolutions while ey plenty and times ffood. and rp. twining it around his neck. The duce the cost of living. All he poor, ignorant savages were wanted was a chance to fearful lest the deadly snake ability. He got the chance. But should bite the Kernel. But lawsy- monev keens on frettW pIocpt. massy ! If they had known him as and times harder and t.hp nno 1 1 misgivings living still goes up. And the worst WOUld have hppn tnrnprl thp nt"hoi! io irp at. ij. A , vv v 1 j iA7 uwmc. jjf It must De a v . uc suppose me ivernei naa tnrunng experience to be a Dem- uiiien tne snaKe ! ocrat thpsp rnvc t
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
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July 1, 1914, edition 1
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