Newspapers / The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, … / Aug. 1, 1914, edition 1 / Page 1
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VOL. V. ANY LITTLE THING WILL DO. When you feel like talking, talk, And don't stop till you're through; If you have nothing important to say, Just any little thing will do. When you feel like singing, sing, And make folks hear you, too; If you don't know any classic songs, Just any little song will do. When you feel like laughing laugh, If there's nothing else to get tickled v,, Just any little joke will do. When you feel like crying, cry Just go, "Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo " If "there's nothing bad to cry about, Just any little thing will do. When you feel like courting, court Don't sit there feeling blue; If you can't court the stylish girls, Just any little girl will do. TOOT! TOOT I GETTIN' UP STEAM ! Well, boys, my blood is getting warmed up now, and The Pool- x-n , , Killer is going to be warmer than the weather from this on. I ain't been exerting myself very much for the past few months, knowing that it was .a dull time anyway tnri T nT T H o -r -kv- o v i i I UA -a, luaa, it i guuig to be dull times right along till we wake up and change the times, And that is exactlv what is mW to hannen nhmit iha n-t ihr u nru n j a you know. The well-fed " upper crust is still asleep, but the com- mon people are waking up in a hurry. Thev are hungry for the facts about how they are being humbugged with bogus "reforms" and counterfit " prosneritv. " and The Fool-Killer proposes to dish he ot busy with his A- B- C. me up the facts in its own home-spun diatrs, and they went to Niagara way and serve em hot Where are we at 1 How did we ffet here How can we get awav? These are the Questions that thf people "are asking, and they are not sroine to he sntisfipH -htv. o of Woodrow's ' 1 psvcoloerical ati- swers. The Fool-Killer has ideas C things, and it is getting just m the temper now to CAPiCOB liiciu witnoui. any iriua. fandangles, or sugar-coaW. Posl sibly they might be of interest to you an.d your folks. Better pass the word around and give every- iuuy a cnance, - . - ... . . , MORAVIAN FALLS, NORTH CAROLINA, AUGUST, 1914. WHOSE WAR IS IT? Takinc it the world over. 96 Der , f - De0Die are COmmon ceni.01 e people die coimnun peouit a lie utiiei per ucui icjj- resents the wealthy and wicked master class." Now it stands to reason that the common people of this country and the common peo pie of Mexico have absolutely whino - to he mad at eaeh other aoout, ana, as a matter oi iact, thAv pta TvilT miin Knt tnp rant they are NOT mad. But the fact remains that we have been (and probably are yet) right kerdab on the verge of war with Mexico. What for ? Simply because the Standard Oil trust of America and the Cow- dray Oil trust of Great Britain are fighting each other for the posses sion of the rich oil deposits that Nature placed in Mexico for the benefit of all the people. That s all there is to it. The Washington Post, the New York Herald, and other big pa- UV, i reeenwy puoiisnea a remarkable story which absolute- , proves n T fl , m0re. Letters and documents have been produced to prove that the British oil interests were in eagu? wlxn league with old JJiaz and that the interests were i Dehind Madero. British oil, with the help of Rome, planned and executed the murder of Madero and select- ed Huerta as its cats-paw. There iipuu. xT-mci lean un vveiii iu me aiu Lf fWo nj v;nn v.- to put up the hard cash to finance their revolution against Huerta. Jt hecame plainly evident that Huerta and British oil were going 1 lose OUT ana so British oil ap- peaiea to The pope ot JKome, and raiis ann Tried to persuade the toP to give the bottom dog Part oi the bone. But the top dog dldn t take kindly to the idea, and ai last accounts the war-dogs were stllA growling and showing their icein. I T- T 1 eopie glance, over other pa- pers and throw them aside, but every feller who gets his tater- .vui -c- - . -. . Xd"8 enea onto ine P001"111" reads 11 rom A to Izzard before he turns it loose. That's the secret of its great suc- cese. CONSULTING BIG BIZ. Now, by George, the wolf has showed his teeth for certain. If anybody was still so blind as to believe that- Woodpile was the friend of the workers, they will surely get their eyes open now. Woodpile has got so brazen in his pandering to the plutes that he don't care a doggon who knows it. He has allowed the newspapers to give out the word that he is go ins: to hold a series of ' 'consulta tions" with the Captains of In dustry. Not only going to do it, but the thing has already started mi r i n ii ine nrst one oi tne series was bield with J. P. Morgan at the White House a few days ago, and before this paper reaches the read ers several more of the kings of finance and bosses of boodle will probably have left their cigar stubs in Woodpile's spittoon. Yes, sir, going to talk it over privately with Morgan and Rocky and all the rest of the bloody bil lionaires and -see if there are any other favors he can do for them. He has already done everything he can think of for the plutes and against the common people, but he wants to do more. Hence these conferences with the money-gods. Honest, now, Mister Working Man, have you had any invitation to the White House for a confer ence with the President? Have you heard of any other working man getting such an invitation Do you expect that any poor man or any friend of the poor will ev er get such an invitation ? Well if you wait for it vou will still be waiting' when Gabriel toots. And so you just as well take the cold facts as I hand them to you and expect nothing but kicks and cults from this money-serving, pope-worshiping administration. Wake up, workers, and get ready to throw off the yoke be fore it finally chokes you to death. The pronunciation of President Tumulty's name is somewhat of "a puzzle to most of us. But wheth er we call it Tum-ultyv (with the accent on the Tma) or Tu-mult-y (with the accent on the Tu), it presents a mighty dark picture. A tumble77 is bad, and a 4 'tumult' is worse, but if the Pappycrats don't give us both before long I'll No. 6. ANOTHER MEDIATION Now that the Mexican media tion has either succeded or failed, and nobody seems to know exact ly which, The Fool-Killer rises to suggest another mediation in the interest of the warring politicians of these Benighted States. Let our Republican Cientificos and our Rooseveltistas accept the mediatory offers of the plenipo tentiary from the River of Doubt and meet at the Falls to prevent the horrors of either Progressive intervention or Republican annex ation. , They can there decide whether a salute of 21 soda-pop corks will be adequate satisfaction for the injured feelings caused by the Chicago incident. They can de cide whether an embargo on Cal ifornia delegates is an act of war- Thev can disr up the political re- mains of Mr. Taft and ascertain whether he was executed by. the order , of a Bull-Moose court-mar tial or stabbed in the back. They can also agree on the elim ination of Dictator Wilson in 1916 and on his inelegibility to run for president in the constitutional election to - be held that vear. They can decide on a provisional government consisting of George W. Perkins and William Sulzer to run the country pending the choice of Wilson's successor. They can agree in the interests of civilization that all enemies of the Republic, such as working men and Socialist editors, shall be ex ecuted without trial. In the meantime they might discuss the question of whether it was right for the " Christian Sol diers" to seize the Custom House of Armageddon, and for Admiral Rockefeller's ' 4 brave -boys" to shoot and burn the women and children at Ludlow. These are just a few of the prov idential purposes that such a me diation might accomplish. Let us hope that this bright dream may soon be realized. Instead of lowering the cost of living, as they promised to do, they are now asking us to 4 lower our style of living." All right where 's the spade and shovel. I'll have to dig a hole in the ground to let mine downinto jf it geta.c any lower.
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
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Aug. 1, 1914, edition 1
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