Newspapers / The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, … / Feb. 1, 1917, edition 1 / Page 2
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The Fool-Killer A Pungent Periodical of Tbrflliiff Thought. PUBLISHED MONTHLY. IAME8 L. PEARSON, . . Editor Boomer, . North Carolina. Pne year to your heart . 25 centa in clubs of Five or More . 15 cents Canadian rate, 25c a year in clubs) Entered as second-class matter Starch 3, 1916, at the postofflce at Boomer, N. C, under the act of March 3, 1879. TAKE NOTICE. Do not Bend postage stamps on sub icription. Remittances should be made by rogistered letter, express or postofflce cioney order. Be careful to write your own name and address plainly, and direct all Utters and make all orders payable : THE FOOL KILLER, Burner, . . . North Carolina. Let Us Talk H Over Well. Gear sinner friends, this Is (The Fool Killer. . How does it set on your stomach? If you like It, you can set more at headquarters. m The Fool-Killer is not even a forty Meventh cousin to any other paper on I atanAa In ft. ClftSS bT ltSClf, and Its Held is as broad as the English language. This paper wears no bell, srasxle dollar or halter. Yon can put that down to start Srtth. I am the fellow that works at the tump-handle on this pungent period- leal of thrilling thought I print only what I write; I write only what I think; and I think what I doggon please. . " . I own this entire establishment, and Rockfeller isn't rich enough to uy on share of it. Does that sound strange T Well, bless your soul, I am a great Seal richer than old John. I nerer traveled any to speak of, but -have read a great deal and have (hunk some. And then I started The Fool-Killer Just to quiet my nerves and keep the old press from getting rusty. From the seclusion of these woodsd kills there will go forth each month a bundle of literary dynamite that will shake the rotten foundations of socie ty and cause the Church of Mammon I at leabt turn over in its sleep. The Fool-Killer is a monthly Mustard-plaster for the blood toils of So siety, Church and State. It Is salted with wit, peppered with fcumor and seasoned -with sarcasm. Every line cuts like a whip, and frvery word raises a blister. If. you are a fool you had better not subscribe for The Fool-Killer. If you axe wise you will. And so that settles 8TATEHEKT. Of the ownership, management, cir culation, etc., required by the act of Aug. 24, 1912, of The Fool-Killer, pub lished monthly at Boomer, N. C, for Oct., 1916. Editor, James L. Pearson, Boomer, N. C. Managing Editor, James L. Pearson, Boomer, N. C. Bus. Mgr., James I. Pearson, Boomer, N. C. Publisher, James L. Pearson Boomer, N. C. Sole Owner, James U Pearson, Boom ir, N. C. (Signed) JAMES L. PEARSON. E. Pub. and Ownor. Bvu to and subscribed before m, this thfc 9th day of October, 1916. W. II. HUBBAED. Notary Public My QommLrticix xpiresr Jtaa. 21, Ifl& ran Foounum PAEAGBAPHS. And what will Villa be doins while we are whipping Germany? A man's religion is the true sort if he uses it in his business. A diplomat is a man who, re members a woman's birthday and forgets her age. Life should be considered a measure to be filled, and not. a cup to -be drained. The Stars and Stripes and the cost of living have been raised in the Danish West Indies. The stone that keeps rolling not only gathers no moss, but loses all it ever did have. The rich get what the poor produce everything. And the poor get what the rich produce nothing. I see that the Russians have crossed the River Aa. And I can't help wondering where that can Bb. The man who can be trusted to do right when nobody is looking at him is the right kind of a citi zen. When they get the ocean bed filled up level full with sunken ships, reckon what will become of all the water? By exposing one nigger wTith sufficient publicity you can con ceal six others in the same wood pile. After all the cussing that Brayn has received and part of it has been done by The Pool-Killer he is the level-headest Democrat in America today. Tt line nnet tVii onnntrv $900 000,000 to try to get Villa and fail. What will it cost to whip Germany? Don't all answer at once . In the past three vears Wood pile has been twice defeated by Mexico, and now he is fool enough to tackle Germany. Don't that beat the devil? Our big threats against Ger many will be more likely to-"get Villa" than our expensive hunt for him did. If he don't laugh himself to death it will be a won der. Marie hit upon a problem the other day more perplexing than George IPs apple dumpling. She peeped in between the uncut leaves of a magazine and said ' ' 1 Mother, how did they ever get the printing in there?" The thing that puzzles me so bad is 'this: Why does our gov ernment go into such wild tan trums about defending Vour" rights on the hih seas and in j foreign lands, while it never lifts I a finger to help its poor right here I at home? This new revolution in Mexico is the first one in nearly a week. They must be getting awfully civilized down there. A printer gives the folowing toast: "Woman the fairest of Nature's work. The edition is large and no man should be with out a copy.." Woodpile demands ttiattEurope shall have "peace between equals," but it seems that Ger many is not yet convinced tthat she has any equals. The men go to church to please the women; the women go to church to please the preacher; and I reckon at least a few of the preachers go to church to please the Lord. You may have a string of blue- blooded ancestors as long as a comet's tail, but if you have never accomplished anything yourself well, I wouldn't blow much if I were you. If the war would only kill out the confounded blood-thirsty jin goes and stop at that, I would say let it come the sooner the better. But the pity of it is that they are the very cusses who will escape while the good people have to suf fer. The fellow who wanted a law passed to dry up the ocean so as to stop submarine warfare was at least hitting right at the seat of the trouble. But if they keep on sinking ships awhile longer at the present rate they will have the ocean so full that the submarines can't operate nohow. Here is the kind of an obituary a Tennessee editor recently gave a delinquent; "Crook Floods died last night, owing this paper for ten years' subscription. It is re ported that he said just before he a. w pegged out that he felt like he was floating upward. No doubt of it. Crook has got so low down that vhe has to slide up hill to get into perdition." ACCEPTED IT AS EVIDENCE. The following good one is told at the expense of a prominent Fargo divine who told some boys of the Bible lesson he was to read in the morning. The boys finding the place, glued together the connecting pages. The next morning the minister read on the bottom of the page, "When Noah was 120 years old he took unto himself a wife, who was" turn ing the Page "140 cubits long 40 cubits wide, built of gopher wood and covered with pitch in side and out." He was naturally puzzled at this; he read it again, Verified it and then said: "My friends this is the first time I ever sav this in the bible but I accept it as evidennft of thfi assertion that. we are fearfully and wonder fully made." February, 1917. Thoughts From The Thinkograph. Never mind the ancestors; look out for the descendants. Sooner or later the powder mill blows up. Look out for yours. It is a wonder how a flea keeps still long enough to raise a family. Hot times cost cold cash, and are not worth. it- Don 't spurn half a loaf because it is hot whole. Making hay while the sua shines is more'n 8 hours. Lead horses do mighty .. little pulling. Gratitude is harder to find than Villa. The best down-hill puller is booze. Modern conveniences are some times nuisances. Bull beef with a French name is still tough. Make an occasional enemy, or cut no ice. Adam didn't have to pay fifty cents for pressing pants. The mule is useful, but he sim ply cannot sing. A pup has more curiosity thaa an old dog. Distress signals are not for con tinuous use. Love and submarines know no law. It takes a certain amount of genius to put up a successful bluff. A smile is just like putting money out at interest. In looking for opportunity, do not dodge good hard work. Do something other than second the motion. Those who .seek adventure are often looking for trouble, and generally find it. Worry is harder work than sure enough work- Don't get up early in order to do nothing. Fiction is in demand, because the truth hurts. Conscience is the alarm clock of our minds, but it is not always wound up. When a woman dresses to make the men look, she is mad if they do and mad if they don't. Fine language is not necessary if you' have something to say that is worth hearing. Girls, a husband .who is a good provider is better than one who dances all the latest bunny-hugs. A woman can "get most any ver dict she wants from a jury if she only cries wet enough. Work hard and deny yourself while you are young, so that when you are old you may have things you cannot enjoy. Mexico is noted for raising cof fee, tobacco and trouble. An eminent physician says tape worm will cure tuberculosis, but does not say what will cure tape worm. Our present day social aristo cracy has cut Christ out of its creed, because He was born in a stable and had no money.
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
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Feb. 1, 1917, edition 1
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