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THE FOOL-KILLER, BOOMER, N. 0. THE FOOL-KILLER " i ; A Literary Mustard-Plaster to Draw Blisters on Society, 1 Church and State Published Monthly at BOOMER, NORTH CAROLINA James Larkjn Pearson, Editor SUBSCRIPTION.RATES: One Subscription, 40 cts. a year In Clubs of 4 or more, 25 cents . ; Entered at the postoffice at Boomer, N. C. , as second-cfass matter, under the act of March 3, 1879. Remittances should be made by regis tered letter, express or postoffice money order. Direct all letters -and make all orders payable to: THE FOOL-KILLER Boomer, - - - North Carolina. STOP! LOOK! Listen! The regular fcrice of The Fool Killer is 4b cents a year for one single stfb, or 25 cents a year in clubs of four or more. But I have decided to make a Special Bargain Offer for just a limited time only. From now un til the first day of May, 1929, I will accept subscriptions at only TEN CENTS each if sent in clubs of TEN or more at one time. Ni w get out among your good friends and neighbors and go to rolling up the clubs. Let's have 50,000 new subscribers Dy the first day of May. Tote this paper everywhere you go and draw it on everybody you see. Don't let anybody escape. At TEN CENTS a year The Fool-Killer is a heap -easier to take than the measles or the itch. Ready? Let's go! IDIOTOKIALS There was a terrible robbery in in the back yard last night. Two clothespins held up a siirt. ' In eating grapes, the rule is: If at first you don't suck seed, suck, suck again. Which do you like" best,"KeM logg Peace Pacts or Kellogg Corn Flakes? - It is said that Einstein's new theory of space ain't got a thing to do with parking space. Sermon on If youpity the parents of the modern generation, ust think of the father flea who sees all of his children going to the dogs. Sing a song of peace pacts Signed by diplomats, While they harbor war facts Neath their silken hats. "Where does Sir Oliver Lodge?" inquires a Fool-Killer subscriber. Why, at the same place, where Weejy boards, of course. Had you heard about the great reduction in the price, of postage stamps? You can now buy 13 two-cent stamps for a cent and a quarter. "TEe greatest single danger in the world tb-day is the stri dent patriot," says Bishop G. Ashton Oldham. That's just as true as if I had said it myself. The paper that's in a Kellogg forn Flake box is just as val uable toward keeping peace in the world as the paper that's in the Kellogg Peace Pact. Every bit and grain. MISSED! On account of sickness and other troubles which made it im possible for me to work, I didn't get to make any Fool-Killers for February and March. This issue was started for February, but it turned out to be April before I could set it mailed. All subscrip tions will .be advanced so that each subscriber will get the right number of copies anyway. I am battling against great difficulties all the time and doing the.very best I can. Please be patient. I will do better some time. ' They've got a brand-new rebel lion in China under the leader ship of Chang Chung-Chang. Sounds sorter like knocking the bung out of a cider barrel with a meat-axe. The big dispute just now is between England and the Be nighted States. It seems that thy want plenty of friendships oil paper and plenty of warships on t he seas. " B. C. Kelland has writ a busi ness story which he calls "Dy nasty." Well, most of the grand rascals of Big Biz live nasty, and of course "they die nasty, too. Very appropriate namev I 2 UVJUt That feller Segraves, the Brit ish automobile racing driver, is coming over to Daytona Beach with his new racer to see if he can break a record or his neck. If Mr. Segraves don't be careful there Willie a grave, all right, but he won't see it. Dick Byrd reports by radio that he has discovered a vast new v territory of land near the South Pole. He has claimed it in the name of the United States, but I think he aims to leave it down there 'to hold that end of the world together. That's all it's fit for. . Prosperity Yes-sir-ee-Bobolink ! This is shore-to-goodness going to be a sermon on Jthe "prosperity" that we ain't got and probably won't have the next time you hear from us. , , It is Sometimes sorter dan gerous to tell the plain bare footed truth in this land of mil lionaires and beggars, palaces and poof houses, silk stockings and starvation. But since our millionaire Secretary of Labor, Mr. Jim Jam Davis, has been so careless as to let the truth about our "prosperity" leak out at one corner of his mouth, I guess they won't hardly dare to hang me for preaching one of my Fool Killer sermons on the.subjeet. Now, as I said, Mr. Jim Jam Davis, 4our millionaire Secretary of Labor at ; Washington, has done gone and ' spilt the .beans, but 1 don't think he intended for the news to get. out to the Amer ican public. It seems that Mr. Jim Jam had occasion to write a letter to somebody in Wales, where poverty is even wusser than it is here, and he wanted to say something that would sorter console those suffering people and get them resigned to their fate, and he thought it might help some to let them know that they were not the only poor peo ple in the world, 'and so he blab bed it right out and and told them that .86 per cent of the American people were poor. Mr. Jim Jam's letter was published all over Europe and created such a sensation that it was cabled back to American and published here, and that is how we got hold hold of it. Here is part of what Mr. Jim Jam wrote to his friend in Wales: "There has been for many years in Europe, and especially since the Great War, an impression that all Ameri cans are wealthy, and that poverty amjong-st us is conspicuous only by its absence - "I wish, indeed, that the popular European impression were a trueone, but no foreign impression of us has ever been more false It is true that most Americans vhom Europeans, meet abroad are wealthyv or at least well-to-do, but Americans who travel in Europe are but a small percentage of the population. "We have citizens who can estimate their wealth in millions, but so have other1 countries. And we have our poor also as other countries have, and some of our poor -as is true -of all other couritries, are in such desperate circumstances as to be in neeel of as sistance. - "If Great Britain has a workhouse, American has a podrhouse, and there are inmates in one as well -as in the other. Unfortunately, the economist knows only too well that there are people in all the infernos of the earth There are altogether to many of them in the infernos of Americu "It may be that we are on the way to solving the problems of poverty in America. I hope we are, but we can hardly claim to have solved it so long, as many Americans are living under depressing conditions. The brother hood of poverty is world-wide, and we share it with you. "I admit that the worker in Amer ica is better off than the worker of any other country in the world. But the -American worker is not dwelling in Utopia; No country can be con sidered Utopian when 86 per cent of its people are poor." " . v . ' Now, by grannies ! How does that sound to come from a lead ing member of the millionaire cabinet of this "prosperity" ad ministration? How does it har monize with all the sugar-coated bunk about "prosperity" that we have been fed on by the plute press? How does it tally with the rose-colored picture painted by President Coolness in his re cent message to Congress? To save my gizzard I can't un derstand how it happened that a member of a "prosperity" ad ministration could so far forget himself;- as to let it become known that the alleged prosper ity that we are supposed to have is only a farce and a humbug. It looks like Mr. Jim Jam would have known better than to dis pute the word of his big little boss in the White House. .Looks to me like that letter is liable to cause trouble and hard feelings and anger and cuss words amqng the great and the near great in Washington and Wall Street. 'Why, honey-child, don't you know that there is Aplenty of prosperity in America - just dead oodlins of it, in fact. Mr. Jim Jam in his Unfortunate con fession puts only 86 per cent of the" people in the poor class. That leaves 14 per cent who are rich. Now it seems perfectly reasonable that if 14 per cent of us are rich, the rest of us ought to be satisfied with our poverty. Haven't we been told all our lives that poverty is a blessing? And if 86 per cent of us are in possession of that great blessing, why should we kick ? The 14 per cent who are rich have got the prosperity all right, and the rest of us don't count, nohow. So when the plute papers talk abput how prosperous "we" are, they mean the 14 per cent, and that measly 86 per cent xf uoor trash ean go hang. Amen, Brother .Ben! Ain't it lust awful hnw rich "we" are? ' THE EDITOR'S FIGHT A subscriber to an Iowa paper, being displeased with some re marks made by the editor, went in to whip him. How well he succeeded is given in the editor's own words : "There was a blow. Somebody felt We got up. Turning upon our antagonist, we succeeded in winding his arms around our waist, and by a quick maneuver threw him on top of us, Bring ing our back at the same time m contact .with the solid bed of the printing press. Then, in serting, our nose- between his teeth, and cleverly entangling his hands in our hair, we had him."
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
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April 1, 1929, edition 1
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