M ff-rSY xvky
"In Essentials: Unity In Non-Essentials : Liberty In All Things Charity."
SrilSC'RrPTro.V: 7.3 Cent Per Tsar
PQTSCASI, Rf C., H0HSftY Sp2, 1883
J K. I. liKALK, KD1TOB,
X. : :
Some say single life U free,
Bui then niethiiika they blander,
For it is baer slavery
Than ever man was undei.
The tingle man must be the klave
Ol every coaxing beauty
And worjt, If he should act the knave
And thuu the path of duty.
The world1 attractions keep in view
Which single men surveying
Are hurried from old to new,
Proceeding and delaying.
OH bachelors we often find.
Grow worw as thry grow older.
Their sellish hearts become unkind
And narrower and colder.'
Hit might ham been a happy, life
Had he, when' Ant a lover. ,7
Sucht and obtained a cherry wife,
Whom now he can't discover.
Earth's budding blo oms sweetly fair
Are flower worth securing.
Aad must receive your constant care
To have their bloom enduring.
Thus he who virtue would preserve
Must use the utmost caution
And needs far more than common asnse
To stern the tide of passion.
Farmer and Mechanic.
A Ktftl Sett.
A doctor named Rovlaton had sued
Peter Bennett for his bills long overdue,
for attending the wife of the latter.
Alexander 11. Stephens- was on the
Bennett side, and Robert Toombs, then
i -uu .Senator of the United States, was for
V-&-Pv41tMi. L, Thm A nntftd the 1
number of his visits, their value accord
ing to the local custom, And his author
ity . to do medical practice. Mr.
Stephens told his client that the physi
cians had mvde out his case, and as
there was nothing wherewith to rebut
or offset the claim, the only thing left to
do was to pay it.
"No " said Peter. "I hired you to
Apeak in my case ; too peak."
Mr. Stephens told htm there was noth
ing to say ; he had looked on to aae that
it was made out, and it was.
Peter was obstinate, and at last Mr.
Stephens told him to make a speech
himself, if he thought one could be
"I will replied Peter, "if Bobby
-Toombs won't be hard on ir.e."
Senator Toombs promised, and Peter
"Gentleman of the Jury : You and I !
is plain farmers, and if we don't stick
together these efe lawyers and doctors
will git the advantage of us. I ain't no
lawyer nor doctor, and I ain't no objec.
tions to them in their proper place, but
they ain't farmers, gentleman of the
jury. Now this man Roy U ton was a
new doctor, and I went for Mm to come
and doctor my wife's leg. And ha come.
me salve truck oa it and some
fags, but never done one bit of good,
gentleman of the jury. I don't believe
he Is no doctor, no war- There is doc-
tors as is doctors sure enough, buty this
man don't earn his money ; but if you
send for him, as Mrs. Sarah Atkinson
did, for a negro was worth $1,000, he
Just kills him and want fay for it.
"I don't 1" thnndercd the doctor.
"Did vou cure him T asked Peter,
With the slow accents of a Judge with the
biacK cap on.
t The doctor was silent. arPeter pro-
I v9 eded:
r "As I was sym,' gentleman or tne
Jury, we farmers, when we sell oar cot
ton. ha pot to gira vally for the mj
we ask and doctors ain't none too good
mil to the .arm And I don't be -
io a ' w -
vvc this Sam Roylston is i
The physician again put in
"Look at my diploma, if yoa think I am
"His diploma!" exclaimed the new.
fledged orator, with great contempt.
"tiis aipioma : gentleman tnat is a
big word for printed sheepskin ; and it
1 m 1 I
aian i raatse uo ooctor or tue suecp as
first wore it cor does it of the man that
now, carries it. A good newspaper has
more in it, and I'll point out to ye that
he ain't no doctor at all.
The man of medicine was now in fury,
and screamed out, "Ask my patients if
I am not a doctor !"
"I asked my wife." retorted Peter, "an
she said as how she thought you wasn't."
"Ask my other patients," said Dr.
"This seemed to be the straw that
broke the camel's back. Peter replied
with a look and tone of uautterablc sd
"This is a hard sayin' gentleman of
the Jury, and one that requires me to do
or have powers as I've hearn tell ceased
to be exercised since the Apostles. Does
he expect me to bring the angel Gabriel
now to toot his hern before bis time,
and cry aloud, "Awake, ye dead, and
tell this court and jury your opinion of
Roy 1 Stan's practice ? Am I to ga to the
lonely church-yard, and rap on the si
lent tomb, and say to 'em as is of rest
from physic and doctor bills, "Get up
here, you, and state if you, died a natu
ral death, or was hurried up some by
Woctor; I He says, "Ask my. patients.'
and gentlemen of the Jury, they are all
dead. Whera s Mrs. Bcazley's man
yard where he lies. Mr. Peak's womin
Sarah was attended by him, and her
funeral was appointed, and ho had the
corpse ready. Where is that baby-gal
of Harry Stephens ? She are where doc
tors cease from tronblin' and the infants
are at rest.
' Gentlemen of the jury, he has et
chickens enough at my house to pay for
the salve, and I furnished the rags, and
I don't suppose he charges for making
her worse, and even he don't pretend to
charge for curin' of her, and I am hum
bly thankful he never gave her nothin'
for inwards as he did bis other patients,
for someihin made 'em all die mighty
Here the applause made the speaker
sit down in great confusion, and in spite
of a logical statement of the case by
Senator Toombs, the doctor lost and
SaBething io the M.
Judge Pitman has a habit of slipping
his watch under his pillow when he goes
to bed. One night somehow it slipped
. . , . Ir
down, and as the Judge was restless it
worked its way down toward the foot of
the bed. After a bit, while he was ly-
ing awake, his foot touched it ; it felt
I very cold ; he was surprised, scared, and
Jumping from the bed he ?aid :
My gracious, Maria, there's a tosd or
j something under the covers. I touched
1 it with my foot.
j Mrs. Pitman gave a load scream and
! was on the floor in an instant.
'Now, don't go hollering and waking
up the neighbors,' said tb Judge. You
get a broom or something, and w'll fix
the thing, mighty jruick.'
Mrs. Pitnfan got the broom and jave
it to the Judge with the remark that she
fa-It as though snakes were creeping up
and down her legs and back.
Oh, nonsense, Maria! Now, turn
down the ccv ;rs slowly while I hold the
! broom and bang it, Pat a bucket of;
! water along side of the bed so thai we
' can shove it in and drown it.
I Mrs, Pitman fixed the bucket
held the broom uplifted, and as the black
ribbon of the silver watch, wa revealed,
he cracked away at it three orpur times
with the broom, then he txrhed the
; thing orr into the bucket. Ilfcn they
took the light to investigate tic matter.
. When the Judge saw what iii was he
: said :
I might have known ; it is just like
you women to go screeching and fuss
ing about nothing. It's uttet' ruined.
It was you that made the fuss, not
me,' said Mrs. Pitman. t
'You needn't try to put flUe blame on
Then the Judge turned in'and growled
at Maria until he fell aslcee;. Farmer
DbcftBtent aid D
Many people ced $he
uunung ior a piwzc w il.
they were never intended to 1811. They
never settle down to anything with a
contented feeling, or feel that what they
are doing is by no means work suited
for their abilities. They biM a sunny
ideal of a very noble life which they
would like to reach, in which their pow
ers would have free scope, and where
they could make a very bright record ;
but in thair present position, their life
is but a humdrum, prosy outline, in
which the can accomplish nothing wor
thy or beautiful, and, therefore, it is of
little use to try. So they gooa discon
tented with tieir lot. and sighing for
something else, and while they sigh the
years glide bj, and they Sndat the end
they have miyd eveTtpHuntiy iht tacorruptlble and incapable -of
doing anything worthy themielrea. TbeJ
truth is, one's vocation it not some far-
off possibility, bat the simple round of
duties that the passing hour brings.
No day is common pi ace if we ordy had
eyes to see their splendor. ' There is no
duty that comes to our hand bnt bring?
us the possibility of kingly service.
0a Yanr Best,
How many young peopli there are
boys and girls who, wheaasked to sing
or play for the entertainment of their
guests, begin by making eicuses. They
do not pretend to play ; they have taken
so few lessons that it wou.d be quite
iraposaibl foa them tougittTiefore any
one, or tlie .aVXWt ptAtice, when a
better excuse cannot bsJ bund. Now,
instead of making an afA Cry for your
playing, or' rather waiting to be urged'
would it not be better to t the person
who has made the request be the Judge
of your merits !
And let me whisper thi.n your ear.
dear friends. I heaid a lalv remark the
4. , f "
other dav that it took aifiv half
pleasure to be obliged tourge young
people before they would cousent to
play or sing whereas, if ttey complied
at once, it would not be showing off
their accomplishments,'' J some young
people think, who modestly wait to be
entreated, but on the coniarv. it would
pve much pleasure toycu friends; and
you will not be judged harshly for im
mediately taking your selSit the piano
or orjan and doing yotrr best.
Twenty lop olite Hung.
1. Lmrfl aod boisterott5 Vughing.
2. Reading whea otbjOArc talking.
3. Reading aloud in coip"y without
4. Talking when othera are reading.
5. Spitting about the boaae, smoking
; or chewing
6. Cutting finger-naifslnkompany.
j 7. Leavinc church befool worship ie
, 8. Whispering or lauj
9. Gazing rudelv at strangers.
10. Leaving a stranger without a scat.
11. A want of respect and reverence ) Was once endeavoring to get a sul
for seniors. scription in aid f some charitable in
12. Correcting older persons than stitution out of a cloe-fi:'d parihoner
yourself, especially parents. who attempts to excnc huas If tm the
13. Receiving a present without an ground that he already owed a urea"
prnrpssinn of crratitude. I deal of money. -But." said the mill.
1-4. Making yourself the hero of your
15. Laughing at the mistakes of oth
ers. 16. Joking others in company.
17. Commencing talking before an
other has finished speaking.
18. Commencing to cat as soon as
you get to the table.
20. Not listening to what any one is
saying in company.
Iu contrast to Col. Ingersoll's funeral
orations is the following letter, which
Rev. Dr. C A. Burtol sent to his people
in Boston :
For the first time, when at home and
in health, I am at my post for the Sun
day service. My companion has ceased
to draw that breath on earth which mor
tals ignorantly call life. Her spirit
passed away yesterday toward night.
Connected by blood and narriage with
three worshipping generations, and with
as many ministers of the West church,
for nearly half a century she has been
herself, as much as her hmban your
minister, and identified with you all in
a constant love and service. It is not
enough to call her pure and sincere ; she
UBtruth. In dying she had no knowl.
edge of death, but was translated not
perceivieg the chariot in which she sat.
She slept on her way. Pain staj'tid
back from her pillow and she was all
iversiilf, smiling to thv last.- Her indi
viduality of nature and character sug
gests immortality, as her being here was
nothing but duty.
Di Own Grandfather.
A young man, who is bis own father,
explains through the press:
"I married a widow who had a grown
ap daughter. My father visited fur
boose verv often, fell in love with my
daughter and -married her. So my fath
er became my son-in-law, and my step
daughter my mother, because she mar
ried my father.
"Sometime afterward rov wife had a
son. He is my
father', brdth.r-in law
and rov ui cle. for he is the brother of
my step-mother. Mr father's wife,
namely, my step-mother had a son. He j
is my brother, and at the same time nv
jirand-child. for he is the son of ro
daughter. My wife is my grandmother.'
for she is mo'her s mother. I arc ;ny j
wife's husband and grandchild at tb j
same time , and as the hmband of a pr- '
son g grand-mother is his gran ifather, I
am my own grandfather.
Uw To know 1 looe.
"Mother! mother!" cried a voon
rook, returning harriedly from it firf
flight, "I'm so frightened ; I've seen such
a sight !" "What sight, my eon r' asked
the old roik
irrpifnli: r Hiid rntininr frininrri
. . . .7 , . , tr !
their necks, and holding their heads -
. . v !
erer ao high. See, mother, there ttevf
nrrnr, in luvrrif gWV,
calmly replied the parent 'atrd, loekfag
over the common. "Through life, ehild,
ooeerre mat wnea yoa moei any mt
uv uiajic m 5ji e i u U3if 1 1,
and tries to lift hi bead higher than the
r .1 . i j . i j
rest of the world, yoo may set him down
at once as a gooM.'M All of which is
true ( the kbol ly fiJk now a-Ji .
. I. f.. . . . u . w I
ter. "you e God a lart r debt that,
you do any omr rise." 1 lm is o. puj
son , hut he ain't pnhin me like the
balance of my creditor."
Promised 'ogive her maid twenty-fix
dollars as a marriage portioo. The gir.
got marrried to a man of low ataUre.
and her mistress on seeing biro was sur
prised and said: -WeH, Mary, what
little husband yon have got !" "Lor !'
exclaimed Uie girl, -what could you e
pect for twenty-five dollars V
Thr h ansae Fanny
In a little village in Vermont tbfte
lived, a farmer named Ransom. They
we.-e not pious people, never giug to
church. Once they were prevailed upen
to attend preaching. When they made
their appearance services had begun
and they had hardly taken their sea -when
the preacher -jae out ti c hyim.
eommencinir "Return, ye rnnyin sinncn-.
home." "All riglit!" cried rhe head o
tin Ran-oms, getting up in a rage am
clapping his hat on his head, "com
along, ole woman Mid gals, we ll K"
home tast enough, and everybody in hi
old church knows we didn't, want t
Good humor i the clear blue sky of
the soul on which even star of talent
will shine more clearly, and the sun o
genius encounter no vaor in his pun
sage. It is the most exquisite beaut;
of a fine face ; a redeeming grace in h
homely one. It i like green-in aland
seape, harmon'zing in even' color, mel
lowing the light, softening the hues ol
the dark, or like a lute in a fall concert
of instruments, a sound not at first dis
covered by tin car. yet fillire.' up the
breaks in the concord
with its deep
"Here'a yer nice roast cblck'n" cried
an aged colored man. as th cars stopped
at a N. C. railway station. "Here's
ytr roast rhick'n. n tntrs, all nice and
u' !" 'lat' mi 111,1
i r.lL-in7 ti.e nlatlotin. " here -H'1 yon
' get that chicken, uncle r' aks a passen
: gcr. I'riele bw.kn a, the intruder sharj
' iv. aiid theh turn away ryiu-j. "Here'
"v.-r nice roast rhu-k'n en'l in'n. all hot ,
neln't gr in the ho-n- for dnt. "Wher
,did vou 'et that rh.- k- ti r' repeat c I the
infjuisitivc pi,ii:,r. Lk-u r."
aay- uncle, speaking privately, "is yon
from dc NorfT' "Yes" "Is you a
friend b de euiiud ihhii V "I hope I
am" "Dn don': vu nebb'-r ask vat
whar 1 4t lat ehi k"n ai'in. Here's ver
nice na-t chick'n all hot. " 1 lie trais
Some folks are pro liiounlv f "ri ftrvt
over oilier UftuAr h t,irm nri u'cm a.
lf . ,.
feas tberu before tlie world. Tbv wib
gouge the; r broiler eres rather thar
. . , . ,. .
leave a frt e c4 nvte in them. A
v : vu we fcurj r niijjany nun
reapaeeiag their own failings.
"Whnt is the annual com crwp of
Keatwckian. -I can t
I : A .w. i. . i ; r
t repiien mc nrnmriun, oni I Know it
wugh to make all the whiaav we wai
beaiden what is wasted for oread "
j Trouble are like iog ; the small,
thy ar 'Jte nrre tley annoy yoa,