The Rasp. (Raleigh, N.C.) /
March 19, 1842, edition 1 /
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W. & J. B: WHITAKER,
EDITORS AND PROPRIETORS:
VOLUME II. NUMBER 8.
RALEIGH, MARCH 19.J842.
"WE COME, THE HERALD OF J1JYOISY WORLD.
The Rasp is published every Saturday morn
ing, at One Dollar and Fifty Cents per annum,
payable in advance.
tCf3 Any person sending us six new subscri
bers, and the subscription money for one year
shall receive the seventh number free ol charge
for the same length of time
Advertisements conspicuously inserted, at
the very reduced price of Fifty Cents per square
for the first insertion, and Twenty-five Cents
for each continuance.
FROM THE D'ARY OF A TOBACCO CHEWER.
Mr. Editor: Do you chew tobacco ? I did
till last Sunday, when I put ray veto on the
practice. The why and wherefore I have sent
you, hoping that if you are suilty of using the
Indian weed, a leaf from my diary may be the
means ot reforming you.
Saturday, Oct. 19, 1841. Took my hat for a
walk; wife, as wives are apt to, began to load
me with messages upon seeing me ready to go
out. Asked me to call at cousin M 's and
borrow for her 'The Sorrows of Wetter.' Hate
a wile to read such paraby stuff bufjmust hu
mor her whims, and concluded that I had ra.
ther she would take pleasure over Welter's
sorrows, than employ her tongue in making
'sorrows' for your humble servant.
Got to cousin M 's door. Now cousin M.
is an old maid, and a dreadful tidy woman.
Like tidy women well enough, but can't bear
your dreadful tidy ones, because I am always
in a dread while on their premises, lest I
should offend their superlative neatness by a
birof gravel on the soles of my boot, or such
Walked in delivered my message, and
seated myself in one of her cane bottomed
chairs while she rummaged the book cae.
Forgot to take out my Cavendish before I en
tered, and while she hunted, felt the tide rising.
No spit box in the room. Windows closed.
Floors carpeted. Stove varnished. Looked
at the fire-place full of flowers, and hearth
newly daubed with Spanish brown- Here
Was a fix. Felt the flood of essence of Caven
dish accumulating. Began to reason with my
self whether, as a last alternative, it w ere bet
ter to drown the flowers, bedaub the hearth, or
flood the carret. Mouth in the mean time pret
ty well filled. To add to my misery she be
gan to ask questions. 'Did you ever read this
book, Mr. V 'Yes, Ma'am,' said I, in "a
voice like a frog in the bottom of a well, while
I wished book, cousin and all, were with Pha
raoh's host in the Red Sea. 'How did you like
it?' continued the indefatigable querist. I
threw my head on the back of the chair,mouth
upwards to prevent an overflow. "She at last
found The Sorrows of Werter, and came to
wards me. Oh dear, cousin Oliver, don't put
your head on the back of the chair, now don't,
you'll grease it, and take of! the gilding.' I
could not answer her, having now lost the
power of speech entirely, and myxheeks were
distended like those of a toad guilder a mush
room. 'Why, Oliver,5 said ray persevering tor
mentor, unconcious of the reason pi my appear
ance, 'you are sick, I know you are, your face
is dreadfully swelled!' and before I could pre
vent her, her hartshorn' was clapped to my dis
tended nostrils. As my mouth was closed im
perturbably, the orifices in my nasal organ
were at that time my only breathing places.
Judge then what a commotion a full snuff of
hartshorn created among my olfactories!
I bolted for the door, and a hearty a-chee-he-chee,
relieved my proboscis, and tobacco, chylej'
Ac, 'all at once disgorged' from my mouth re
stored me to the faculty of speech. Her eyes
ollowed me m astonishment and A returned
and relieved ray embarrassment by putting a
load on my conscience, I told her I had been
tr ing to relieve the toothache by thefemporary
use of tobacco, while, truth to tell, I never had
an aching fang in my head. I went home mor
Sunday Forenoon. Friend A. invited my
self and wife to take a seat with him to hear
the celebrated Mr preach. Conducted by
neighbor A. to his pew. Mouth, as usual, full
of tobacco Laud horror ol horrors, found the
pew elegantly carpeted, white and green, two
or three mahogany crickets, and a hat stand:
but no spit box ! The service commenced ;
every peal on the organ was answered by an
internal appeal from my mouth for a liberation
from its contents; but the thiDg was impossi
ble. I thought of using my hat for a spit box;
but I could do nothing unperceived. I took out
my handkerchief, but found in the plenitude of
her officiousness, that my wife had placed one
of her white cambrics in my pockets instead of
my bandanna. Here was a dilemma. By the
time the preacher had named his text,mv cheek
had reached its utmost tension, and I must spit
or die! I arose, seized my hat and made for
the door. My wife., confound these women,
how they dog'one about, "jimcginmg me unwell,
she might have kyown better," got up and
followed me. 'Are vou unwell, Oliver V said
she, as the dcor closed after us. I answered
her by putting out the eyes of an unlucky dog,
with a flood of tobacco juice. ll wish,' said
she, fMr. A had a spit-bcx in his pew.'
We footed it home in moody silence. I was
sorrv my wife had lost the sermon, bat how
could I help it? These women are so affec
tionate confound them no, I :lon't mean so.
But she might have known was the mat
ter with me and kept her ; u
Tobacco, O, tobacco! 33 ul the deeds of that
day are ndt all told yet. After the conclusion
of the service, along came farmer Ploughshare.
He had seen rne go out of church, and stopped
at the open window where I sat. 'Sick to-day,
Mr. V 'Rather unwell,' answered I, and
there was another lie to be placed to the ac
count of tobacco. 'We had powerful preach
ing; sorry you had to go out.' My wife asked
him in and in he came she might have
known he would but women must be so po
lite. But she was the sufferer by it. Compli
ments over. I gave him my chair by the win
dow. Down he sat, and fumbling in his rock
ets, drew forth a formidable plug of tobacco,
forJje could use his plate for a spit box ; for
such, I am puisuaded would have been his
next motion. I went up stairs, and throwing
myself on the bedf6ll asleep. 'Dreams of m-
undati v and floods and fire harrassed me. I
though i was burning and smoked like a ci
gar. I then thought the Merrimack had burst
its banks, and was about to overflow me with
its waters. I could not escape the water had
reached my chin I tasted it it was like to
bacco juice. I coughed and screamed, and
awskening, found I had fell asleep witn a quid
in my mouth. My wife entering at 'the mo
ment, I threw away the filthy weed. 'Huz, if
I were you, I would not use that stuff any
more!' 'I won't,' said I. Since Sunday last,.
I have kept my word. Neither Fig nor Twist,
Pigtail nor Cavaadish have passed my lips
since then, nor ever shall again.
and commenced untwisting it. ''Then
said he, as he deposited from three to four
inches in his cheek. A neat fence that of
ycurn as flood after flood from his mouth be
spattered a newly painted white fence near
the window. 'Yes,' said J, 'but I like a darker
color.' 'So do I,' answered Ploughshare, 'and
yaller suits my notion; it don't show dirt.'
And he moistened ray carpet with his fovorite
color. 'Good!' thought I, wile will ask him in
again, I guess. We were now summoned to
dinner. Farmer Ploughshare seatedhimself. I
saw his long fingers in that particular position
in which a tobacco chewer knows how to put
his digits when about to unlade. He then
threw them across his mouth. I trembled for
the consequences, should he throw such a loafd
upon the hearth or floor. But he had no inten
tion thus to waste his quidjand shocking to
relate deposited it beside his plate, on my
wife's white damask table cloth!
This was too much, I plead sickness and
rose. There was no lie in the assertion this
time, I was sick. I retired from the table; but
my departure did not discompose Farmer
Ploughshare, who was unconscious of having
done wrong. I returned in season to see' Far
mer Ploughshare xeplace his quid in his mouth
to undergo if second mastication, and the church
bell opportunely ringing, called him away be-
Hu:.ian NatCre. We once knew a custo
mer, who, after having accumulated a large a
niount of property, began to feel that it was
time to think about laying up some treasures
which might not be destroyed by moths or rust, j
After carrying a sober face for a week or two, j
he made application to be admitted as a mem
ber of an evangelical church. The worthy pas
tor made objection, on the frivolous crround of
the applicant's determination to continue 1
sell rum on the fca&oatn. Wnen it was an
nounced to him that the church had decided
he could not be admitted, he exclaimed, with
out much consideration, 'they won't accept me,
won't they? Well.d n 'em. they may sro to
the d 1.' Aurora.
That Baby. In England that land of
splendor and squalidness, that whitened sepul
chre thev are going to spend a million dol
lars on the christening of the queen's infant.
Probably millions of human beings will, during
the same day, grow faint for the want of food.
At a camp meeting held not a hundred years
since, nor a hundred miJes from the boundary
line of Louisiana and Mississippi, a pious bro
ther was speaking in terms of religious exulta
tion of the good he had achieved that dav. He
had saved one soul, and that, in these days of
degeneracy, was a moral miracle.
'Look here, mister,' said a slab-sided fellow,
who looked as if he had that morning taken as
much white-nose as enabled him to comply
f tUa llon lo
Willi lliV- pi'JIlSIUUJ VL 111 gUlllSU ICkTY, aX13lCl,ll
J reckon you haye done pretty well, but there
is a child here, goes a little ahead of you in the
sole saving way. I swow, when I woke up
this morning, if I did'ntfind a fellow fast asleep
at the fire over there, like a coon in the fork of
a crab tree. His feet was right chuck up against
the fire, and the soles of his brogans were so
hot that you could fry pork on them. I saved
two solessuve.' Picayune. $
IdT A young miss being assed what was
the chief end of man, blushed considerably,
and wanted to know if she must answer the
'Certainly,' said her teacher; 'I repeat the
question,, what is the chief end of man?'
'To -to pop the question,' was the native
lepiy. Sle was sent home to her mother.
There are insects which live but a single
day. Wonder if any of them erer cotom.it
suicide through weariness of life.
'This a counterfeit,' said a loafen to a bad
quarter of a dollar. 'I took you for better, and
I've got you for worse,' as the man said, of his
wife, three months after marriage.
From the N. Y. Sunday Mercury
Love Songs A Severe Critique. I hate
often experienced a considerable rising of vir-
tuous indignation, while leading the love Jr
amorous songs that have .been put forth bjrt.
certain poetasters, very much to the delight of
young gentleman whose paternal parents are
most anxious that they should not go out; and
much to the delight also of young misses in
love with such of those aforesaid young gen
tlemen, as are preparing for a course of hero
ism and twaddle. What agonising appeals
are made :
O say not woman's love is boughtl
And what odd requests. A Scotch young
gentleman says to his 'Bonnie Mary' '
Go fetch to me a pint of wine, ,
And fill it in a silver tassie.
It is evidently his intention to -dake her
drunk, so that he may steal the tassie else.
why would he be so particular in requesting
that it might be of silver.
Another gentleman gratuitously requests a
shining river to flow on, as if rivers heeded
such requests. . Really, the conceit of some
people is 'tolerable and not to be endured
The same youth says to this same river
But ere you reach the sea,
Seek Ella's bower and give her
The wreaths I fling o'er thee.
Now every one must admit that this is a
most preposterous request Of course the rivet
cculd not comply with it. And I should hope
that the young lady who was desired.to leave
her 'lone pillow' ere the 'winking stars- should '
be sinking, and the buds drinkingV (an anti
temperance botanical discovery ) the dews of .
the moon' that she did not obey that seduc-
tive request, but remained under the paternal
roof, thinking of the fate of hira who was
Torn from an honor'd parent'! love,
And driven the keenest storms of fate to bearj
And who now requests forgiveness, though
many a free and easy young gentleman:
Ah! but forgive me, pitied let me part,
Your frowns too sure, would break my sink
Perhalps the most pathetic, if not the most
poetical of these effusions is that in which a
melancholy, cadaverous youth whose days
were gone when beauty bright his heait?s chain
wore, when his dream of life from morn till
night was love still love, for he could have
known little of any substantial enjoyment, as
he says, besides :
There's nothing half so sweet in life, :
As love's young dream ! .
I prefer a good breakfast of buckwheat cakes v.
with molasses, hot coffee and cream,
My father's sword upon the tfall,
Has slumber'd since his. death;
Oh! give it me, for n(fw tistime, f
To throw away the sbe'ath!
Now Why should Ihjs young gentleman
want to throw away the -sheath! Really, I
gasp for a reply ! But -I must here close 'my
critique (!) with an extract from ' The Min
He sat upon a cliff
That overhung the'sea':'
His eye was fixed 'upon the wave,
His harp was on his knee. , -
AnoVupon that I suppose was fixed his other .
eye; in which 'fix' I leave him and your read-
The Rasp. (Raleigh, N.C.)
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