Newspapers / The Rasp. (Raleigh, N.C.) / April 16, 1842, edition 1 / Page 2
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- UNCLE HALS LOVE STORY. (Continued.) Reader, were you ever in love? if not, I hard ly know how to explain myself to you; but from those who have felt the piercing and electric influence of Cupid's dart, I must solicit one kind word of friendly encouragement, one feel ing of sympathy, for you know full well the feelings of one placed my situation. I have already given you a brief outline of my Dulcinia, and will now proceed with my tory. I tell you what, at this juncture of my position, I felt allov?rish queer.' I was going straight forward, about to meet the glance of tone whom I was already persuaded I had deeply-injured, whilst my heart was going "pitty patty," like a chickens fast, for I almost fancied that I heard those loud larums of woman's tongue which Shakespeare has so glowingly described. Determined to proceed, I made for the spot where she was seated, resolved to let the storm of her wrath pass over as quick as possible, and it in my power, bring about that reconciliation which I had so long in vain la bored to effect; but guess my surprise on my near approach, at beholding one, if possible, infinitely more beautiful and lovely than her I Jiad anticipated. I could now get a full view of her face, and although there was much in that countenance to remind me of my former love, yet the youthfulness of her appearance informed me of the mistake I had fallen into, through the defect of my eyes, and the pale but mellow light of the moon. But one glanee irorn her beaming eye cleared my heart of all its little forebodings, and although in the pre sence of one to whom I was an entire stranger, her blandnesss of manner & softness of speech on my salutation, informed me but too well that my presence was any thing else but un pleasant. Now as there is a great peculiarity of manner about me, I forthwith decided in my mind that I would carry it to extremities, as to the who and whereabout she was, and 'whith er she came from;' so taking a seat by her side, 4l have the pleasure,' says I, 'to introduce to your acquaintance, Uncle Hal, of whom per haps, you have heard, and as I desire that we should not be strangers, will you please favor me with your name?' 'My name,' she replied, 'is Catharine P .' Reader, did you ever hare a blow on your cranium from a bandy ball while playing shinney ? then you know exactly my feelings; but this I half suppressed. She continued, 'as I have often heard you spo ken of, Uncle Hal, by one that was near and dear to me, I will give you a brief history of my life. I was born, (she continued,) seven teen years ago, on the billows of the raging Ocean. My mother, whose name also was Catharine, being disappointed in an early af fection, determined on leaving the land of her fathers, the land offher birth, and try if possi ble, to find that serenity of mind, that peace of life, in a foreign clime, which the scenes and recollections ever present to imagination in her own country denied her; for this purpose she quipped for Calais in France, at which port she arrived after a passage of 23 days. It was her fiist intention to bury herself in seclusion, but her disposition which was lather melancholy, increasing almost to a stupor, she was persua ded by the earnest solicitations of the few friends and acquaintances she had formed, to mingle more with the world, and tryif possible to eradicate every relick of her former passion fiom her mind. To this end she prepared her selt to attend a party given to a half nephew, who had, the week previous, joined himself in wedlocks; embraces to a rich and beautiful heiress. 'Tis unnecessary thatl should follow her through all hermeanderings,suffice it then that her hand was sought, and although I be lieve her affections, which clung like ivv, were not altogether driven from her thoughts, yet, she consented to accept for her lord one, to whom although she could not give her white heart, yet enough of those warmer affections which make happiness in wedlock, and the tide of life to pass smoothly, and sweetly as the murmuring of the hide brook as its waters run gently and serenely over its pebbly bottom. "When I was only 14 months of age, my father died, and as my mother had never en joyed her health since my birth, it was feared thai I would indeed be left an orphan. I never have known a father's protecting care, and very litte of a mother's maternal goodness, for just as I was entering my sixth year, grief, that canker worm of woman's feeble nature, depri ved me of her, and I was left almost to the hands of strangers. A sufficient competency, however, was left me to render me easy, as it regards pecuniary matters, and ray education was therefore by no means neglected; and as soon as ihis was completed, I determined to visit the land of my mother, and claim protec 1 tion from those relations, who, if they have the least semblance to her, 1 might well be proud to own. I therefore prepared for my journey and having procured the company ot the lady who you see with me. I set sail for America, and six weeks ago arrived safe in the goodly city of , and tonight being my birth night, I am happy in having an opportunity offered me of becoming acquainted with Uncle Hal.' I tell you what reader, this little story made me feel mighty somehow or other I don't zacly know which, but I felt as if I want more than 40 years of age, so thinks I to myself, as the mother loved me so well, and she is out of the way," I will just make love to the daugh ter; but I did'nt know how to commence, so I resolved to get another opportunity for this,and after seeing her home and gained permission to visit her, I trudged back to my lonesome cot tage deprecating the facts that made me an old bachelor. Your affectionate friend, UNCLE HAL. A CHAPTER ON WHISKERS. (Written foe The Rasp.) I am a devoted admirer of Eloquence, and to have this propensity gratified, I attended on several occasions the deliberations of the re cent Whig Convention, and notwithstanding I was highly delighted by the lofty bursts of Elocution and brilliant sallies of wit, I was at no lime more perfectly enraptured, than on hearing Don Wniskerandos behind the bar of the House, defending most vehemently the cause of Whiskers. I should judge that the person whom he was addressing, entertained a repugnance to the cheek hairs, and that our hero was endeavoring to dissuade him from his prejudice. Howbeit, let him speak for him self. If I have a weakness, said Whiskerandos, which I doubt," it is for whiskers. I have a going oui of the heart for them I pi edilecl them. Cultivating and wearing them ravself, I honor those who wear and cultivate them. Whiskers are indeed, a possession of inestima ble worth. Not to mention their preeminent value in the field of Mars, what have they not accomplished in the arena of the little god of the bow and quiver? How many an adaman tile citadel has fallen before the power of their formidable artillery! Many a man who else might have dragged out a miserable existence in poverty and rags, has found himself, almost in a day through the instrumentality of their unfailing efficacy, rolling in wealth, and revel ling in the arms of beauty. Vide Earl Gran bury Petersburg, of Norfolk. In mind's eye, now, methinks 1 see such a one, resolved to the utmost of his ability, to profit by the blessing which has been accorded to him by a merciful dispensation, Methinks I see him curled and promatumed, emerging from his diessing room, the model of a whis kered beau. He leaves his dwelling and directs his steps to the boudoir of his ladye-love the mistress of thousands of broad acres and tens of thousands of bright dollars. He enters he approaches he marks the approving glance bestowed upon ihe well oiled curls that adorn his cheeks. His hand by accident rests upon a guitarjlightly raising the instrument,he sinks upon his. knees before the object, first (after himself,) in his heart of hearts, and thus melts into song: ':I give thee all I'd give thee more, If more ihan this could be; My whiskers huge behold the store, I freely bring to thee. Each curling fibre there reveals The hero's soul full well; And better far tht soft heart steals Of many a dazzliDg belle. I give thee all," &c. And appeal like this no oman can resist. The conquest is won! and lo! our hero is made the lord of countless wealth, and the envied possessor of matchless loveliness. Therefore, I ask, if such be the power of whiskers, who would not be be-whiskered? And if fruit so golden may grow from the judicious cultiva tion of this invaluable crop; who would be so weak as to be deferred by the sneers of envious smooth faces, from devoting to the develop ment of its capabilities, lhat time and assidu ous attention which only is necessary to trans form a ninny into a nabob. Let others do as they will, wear whiskers; or as Patrick Hen ry said (not the 'Convener,') ;I know not what course others may pursue, but as for me, give me whiskers, orgive me to the devil!' Tiiis knock down argument settled my hash, Mr. Editor, and I straightway shanked it for a striped pole, and had marked out upon my cheeks the pathway for a huge pair of whiskers to follow, And now, sir,if you wish to succeed in any matrimonial adventure, take my advice (for I am a Proselyte,) and follow my exam ple, and what you fail to accomplish by the glib red-rag, will be performed by wkiskers. Oh! invincible whiskers ! ! ! Dutch Justice. Justice Brisoner! pe you guilty or not guilty ? Prisoner Guilty, your worship. Justice Sigs monts in der house of correc tion. Tudder brisoner. Pe you guilty or not guilty ? Prisoner Not guilty. Justice Den vat der duyvel did you come here for? Go 'pout yer pusiness? Court's oup ! Shentlemen, let's go over to Ike Hager man's and dake somediug warm for de siom ach's sake ! LOVE LETTER. The following love letter was addressed to a lady in t,his city , by one of the young dandies of the town. The lady has placed it in our hands to be published. We are not at liberty to give the names of the parties. It needs no comment. My Dear gal You don't know how much I does want for to se yer. Ye shadder keeps flikerin afore my wildered vishun al the huj time and I can't no how git red ont. Q if you but knod them feeshus I hav for yer how you would stare tho. I seed you onts when you was in the kars and I heerd on you and wanted fur to git o. in troduction ai you, but cudn't no how. So I jist thot I had better fur to rite yer and deklar mysc-1 to yer. My feeshuns is jist as sharp now as when I fustsa yer and I can't no how git rid on um. I ihot it wud be good fur me to jist rite yer and lit you no how I did feel. I shal cam and see yer sun and hopes you wil be faveral at me. I is very yong fur one of my age. I han't much muny but am rich in fee shins. I livs on a farm down here, and thinks mi ernins wil sport us ; 11 shillinsa week and giis found, this is bout as much as any body gits here, and they thinks I am purty smart, j Sister Sal givs her luv to yer and would like to hav yer for a sister in law. from yer feeshunate luyer P. S. My kusin wil put on the supescrip tion cos I can't" rite so wel. Good. The New York Aurora man, in speaking of a late festival there, says: when the signal for supper was given, there was a general 'demonstration' upon the tables, by the whole company. Ladies and gentlemen, young and old, ugly and beautiful., were all crammed together in one heterogeneous mass, each one striving to the utmost to reach the tables. Our own modesty was very much shocked (?) in consequence cf being literally forced to re cline upon the bosom uf a young and very beautiful girl for a considerable length of lime She blushed, and we blushed, we believe, but it was, luckily, very plainly to be seen, that we were perfectly innocent in the matter. She was evidently startled by the sudden juxtapo sition, for we felt her warm heart beating vio lently through at least five thicknesses, (in cluding our jacket,) and we are not at all cer tain but that she felt ours beat too. At any rate, we heard it beat, distinctly, and it was in perfect unison with hers. Very much of a pressure here,' we at length ventured by way of apology. 'Yes,' replied the little fairy, with an arch smile, 'but it is one which no honest man should regret.' WOMAN. :I love the girls, ah! that I do And so may he who tries: I lore their pretty prattle, too, They talk so with their eyes! And then again, their lips so sweet, And colored like a rose, Breathe nectar, when with ours they meet, And banish all our woes. "Yes girls are brilliants which were made To deck the breasts of men And Adam wore one it is said, And all the world since then, Then why should I without one be? Oh! I'll adopt the plan, When I can find one who'll have me, And be a married man. MAN. I love the men, ah! that I do And so may she who tries: I love iheir soft pursuasions, too, They plead so with their eyes ! And then again their words so sweet, And ardent, kind, and true, Breatne happiness when us they greet, Or bid a fond adieu. Yes! men are creatures which were made To be adored by woman And Eve, the first, loved one 'tis said, And all the soft sex since then, Then why should I without one be? Oh! I will change my 'nomen, WThen I can find one who'll have me, And be a married woman. A GREAT SPEECH. On the bill against imprisonment for costs, Mr. Swackharaer made the following thrilling speech, which our reporter lived just long e nough to write down. 'Mr. Speaker 'Taint right to imprison folks for costs. Sir, take a poor bidder roiuan a respectable ridow sir, (are not all indows re spectable ?) make her pay costs which she can'i, and then stick her into prison for it ! I ask sir, whether she is lo be considered a res pectable ridow, or rether she is to be consider ed a voagabone. Now a man of feeling and respectability rouldn't think her a uagabone, but in the eyes of the w ulgar crowd she rould be considered a icagabone and t'orse as a wag abone, and she vould go down to ancestry as a iceritable icagabone P This speecii the great speech of the session was received with shouts of laughter. ' Wagakone P "Why the word isn't right at either end ! Oh dear ! Well, well. Albany Mic. Vermont Jockey. A countryman from Ver mont offered a horse for sale to a merchant. He supposing that ihe fellow had procured the horse dishonestly, asked if he knew 'Squire , of Windsor Vt. He answered, 'Yes.' 'Well,' says the merchant, 'he is a great ras cal.' 'Very wel,' replied the jockey, 'be says the same of you.' Being asked which he be lieved 'Faith, I believe you both.' COURTING, r Ah! you tarnal Sewke, I loves you, I doz. La, Jonathan! Wal, you deedn't kinder haul off that way. Come here, Sewke. I shan't (She comes up ihough.) O! Sewke, I wish I was that pin. La Johnathan, how you does talk poetix. Wal, I knows .it: my mother writ worses. If Sewke, I was only that pin. Now Jonathan, too tell me what you mean? 0,dear Sewke it I was only that pin I sho'd be so happy, kos you see then latest my head on that fond, lovin' buzzim of youro: yes that 1 would Sewke. Why Jonathan ! Don't bite your finger, girls.
The Rasp. (Raleigh, N.C.)
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April 16, 1842, edition 1
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