Newspapers / The Alleghany News and … / Aug. 22, 1935, edition 1 / Page 7
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s BEVERLY HILLS. —Well, all I know is just what I read In the pa jers. And say I had to read plenty in the paper tne other day. There is a paper got out in Detroit Michi gan. Its called the "Legal Rec ord”. It says Us a paper dedicat ed to the inter ests ot the legal profession. That dedication thats printed on Its front page In big type shows that Its a paper that has nothing to do with news, or facts, and I like the honesty dot it. It tells you right off we take nothing but the lawyer’s side. (For there aint any other side.) Well the headline as follows to wit, habus corpus, nolle prose, change of venue as follows: "The legal profes sion as a humorist sees it”. Written by a man who signs his name as 0. Z. Ide. Now I am not a sort of a lawyer detecting things, but that name sounds a little phoney. When one man writes all thats in a paper, and this only had three pages outside of legal notices, why naturally he has got to make it look like he had quite a staff, so he does like these big hold ing companies did when they was Bending wires to help them keep on holding, why they signed any name they could think of. Now there aint no man named O. Z. Ide. He Is as syn thetic as the article. Here is what Ozie said: "While the American Bar Association was in lession in L. A. last week some of jur opinion moulding dailies carried i syndicated article by Will Rogers.” yes some of em did, 650 of em did. But lets get on: “ ‘Before the crimi aal is tried the defense consul should itand trial to see if there was any ;hing against hZm.' Mr. Rogers indi cated further that this was the big inestion before the convention, and that Everything else paled into insig nificance before this tremendous is Well now lets take up the Issues )ne by one. In the first place If there tiad been no truth at all in the state vent I made there would never have Seen any yell about It. Now as to it teing the dominant question, Mr. flogers dident say that it was the lominant question, he said that it ihould be the dominant question. In >ther words the lawyers would give heir eye to have the thing cleaned ip, and they will admit that it would >e of more benefit to their profession :o have the crooks driven out than ;o have any other thing. Now here is a thing. I am in the novies. When there was so much alk of cleaning up the movies, there rasent a lawyer, or any other profes lion but what said, ".Why dont they dean those things up? My wife and children chnt go to see em." Now you offered an opinion in my lUBiness, but the minute a comedian offers an opinion in your business, I im out of place. Your business is lacred and no one should mention it >nly in the highest terms. The novies cleaned up and they dident rrite editorials against the lawyers or saying they should. It all lawyers ire not honest how are clients to tell rhen they might go to a bad one any nore than a movie fan might go to a tad movie? Get this: “We have always appre dated Mr. Rogers but because of his [roll ill-advised remarks we find our inthusaism begging to jell.” In other words. I was funny when he joke was on the other fellow, but iny about me is ill-advised, and dont ell at all. Get this one: “There was a time a ew years back when a d'ig at the awyers at the Bijou Theatre was a ure fire laugh, but now even the so ailed humorists have sensed the dis asle in the mouths of the public for uch efforts at humor.” Well I wish he could have read a so-called humorist’s" mail. Never id I have so much approving mail n one article, and not a half dozen lssenting ones, and they were from. twyerB. Every laymen approved. It atted about 98 percent. I wish I ould think of something else as true nd as good. My little movies have been fairly lean, but when the well-chosen roar gainst pictures come, I dident git ore, ana rise on ly hind legs and Tite any edlto ials. I knew it as coming to us nd took it in ood faith for 1 new in the long in it wonld do ood, and if this Id boy dost link that the idlence will dll laugh at the twyers at the 1JUU tucauc just, uwu wvvb ui« >r a lecture on lawyer* at the Bijou, ud come and alt and listen to em Bar, The banker, the lawyer, and ie politician are atlll our beat bets ir a laugh. Audiences ha vent uanged at all, and neither haa the tree above professions. A IMS, UcNnfkt Syndic**, /«. THE ALLEGHANY TIMES MAGAZINE SECTION All-Time Record Mackinaw Trout Justus Smith of Beulah. Mich.; Is telling Miss Lucille Provencber of ihe Traverse City, Mich., chamber of commerce, how he caught the all time record Mackinaw trout In Grand Traverse bay. The fish weighed 43 pounds and measured 45 inches In length and qualified Mr. Smith for membership In the Traverse City Che-Ge-Gon, Ottawa for “big fish club.” The previous record Mackinaw weighed 39 pounds Second Battle of Marne Monument President Le Brun of France places a wreath at the pedestal of the huge statue at Solssens which was dedicated to those who died in the second battle of the Marne. It also expressed France’s thanks for allied help during the, great war. Old Bill Meadows, famed army polo pony, gets a cake topped with 28 Juicy carrots as he Is retired at Governors Island, New York, with fit ting ceremonies. Capt Harry Culllns. his rider, looks on. Old Bill la still spry at twenty-three, but he has been sent to green pastures where there Is last chance of cracking bis aging shins. • Detroit Housewives Ban High Priced Meats liSiMBPPBI'W.P Angry housewives, assisted by their menfolk, have been picketing the markets of Detroit and suburbs In their fight against high meat prices, and woe to any would-be meat-eater who tries to make a purchase. Good sized riots have broken out in various sections of the picketed area, as customers and pickets clashed, and the meat sales of the region have suffered a noticeable decline. Mts. Mary Zuk, chairman of the action committee to reduce meat prices, holds a '‘pep” meeting in front of their headquarters before marching o* one of the beleaguered butch*' shops. Scenes and Persons in the Current News X—Armored trucks unloading at the treasury In Washington $100,000,000 In silver from the Philadelphia mint 2—Scene when a thousand officers and enlisted men sailed on the transport Republic from the army base at Brooklyn for service in the Canal zone, the Philippines and Bawali. 3—Members of the Massachu setts Minute Women of 1935 presenting to Governor Curley a resolution against the Massachusetts tax laws. Work Relief Job for the Imperial Valley One hundred four-horse teams are here bus; on one section of the All-American canal which will replace the main now serving California’s Imperial valley. The new canal will have a width of 232 feet, a depth of 21 feet and will carry the water of the Colorado river 8ff miles across the valley for Irrigation purposes. The men and teams shown In the photograph above have moved more than 1,000,000 yards of earth with their Fresno scrapers. Ten Million Dollar Saratoga Spa Dedicated Got. Herbert H. Lehman o.f New York dedicated this new *10,000,000 spa at Saratoga Spring*, known as the Roosevelt Bath building. He described it a* “another unique agency added to an already incomparable public health service.” BRISBANE THIS WEEK ‘ Why So Many Men? Bitterness in Berlin Frank H. Hitchcock Dead The Snake Has Rights Why does Mussolini need so many ■ men for little Abyssinia? If he at Arthur Brisbane racKS, ne win go through the air with bombs, poi son gas or both. He certainly will not march hundreds of thousands of men through swamps, and over hot sand. He now has 925.000 men un der arms, with 340.000 Fascist militia ready to be called, plus 200.000 others. uuiu jcttia ucluic me started. Is something else present or expected, back of all this man power? Even if Japan should come in, that would only mean a more complicated air war. Berlin reports Increased bitterness in the war against the Catholic .church, with official posters, eight feet high, printed in red, scattered through the city, attacking alleged Catholic opposition to Nazi rule. The posters speak of the “graft ing Center (Catholic) party, work ing hand In hand with Bolshevism,” and declare that Catholics, “the eternal enemies of the reich, wish to destroy the unity of Germany.” The posters are believed to indicate new and more bitter attacks on Catholic organizations. Many Americans will learn with sincere regret of the death of Frank H. Hitchcock, postmaster general In President Taft’s cabinet and at the time of his death publisher of the Tucson Dally Citizen. Frank Hitchcock, typical, intelli gent American, will be remembered as first to appreciate the airplane’s importance in connection with dis tribution of mail. Twenty-four years ago, when flying was new, he flew, taking a pouch of mall with him, and advocated Immediate use of planes over “impassable stretches of country.” At Thomasville, N. C., Rev. Camp bell Holmes, “Holy Roller” preacher, allowed a rattlesnake to bite him as he preached, “Just to show you that God will take care of me.” There was excitement and admiration la the congregation. Next day his arm was badly swollen, he was violently 111, death threatened, but the "Holy Roller” preacher refused medical at tention. The reverend gentleman perhaps forgot that the same great Power that gave him his beautiful faith also gave the rattlesnake its powerful poison. Each creature has Its gifts, not safely Ignored. Did you buy bonds In the big war excitement, when little ladies, seat ed on elephants, sang patriotic songs and begged you to give “till It hurts”? One hundred and eighty-five mil lion dollars’ worth of government bonds are mislaid somewhere, per haps hidden In old trunks, In desks, safe-deposit boxes, by those now dead. The government would like to get these past-due bonds and pay for them. One out of every three married couples in the United States Is childless, news not complimentary to the childless families. Excep tions are cases in which nature re fuses to send children. You would not value a chain of steel with every third link broken, or a chain of heredity with every third link missing. The “childless family” news should make this country revise stupid laws against Immigration, shutting out men and women willing to have children, and work for them. Madame Evelyn, tvho reads the stars, the future, the crystal globe and the lines In your hand on the New Jersey beach, read the “lines” for a 200-pound customer, then sighed and said: “I see only trouble ahead of you." The client also sighed, and he, says Madame Evelyn, stood up and said, “ ‘You are an excellent fortune teller, and here’s the beginning of the trouble,’ and socked me on the Jaw, knocking me out of my chair.” Americans Interested In cotton production and wondering bow long our export figures will stand up will want to know that Japanese « buyers have “folded up,” as Texas cotton grower put It; moved out of Texas, apparently lng up all idea of buying co there. ' The late Nathag Straus 1 say “If « German relatives, he feels 1 money, he goes to 1 German “go to bed that i
The Alleghany News and Star-Times (Sparta, N.C.)
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Aug. 22, 1935, edition 1
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