St. Andrews University Student … /
Nov. 19, 1999, edition 1 /
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Ke: I o Orange Man Kesiaenis
November 18, ]999
Re: To Orange Hall Residents
It's official: Orange people are stupid. In the past, it’s been taboo to judge
Orange people and their Orange music. Administrators and teachers kept making
excuses for them. At long last St. Andrews has admitted the problem and is taking
steps to correct it.
Orange hall is a complete disgrace. Its members wallow in filth, mud and
beer odor. Obscene things are scrawled on the walls and windows. The only
reparations made for the damages are a few measly quarters left in the
housekeeping tip cups. The residents look even worse than the floors. They get
drunk, fight each other and then drag the bodies away so they won't be in the way
the next time someone gets drunk and fights. Even when Orange people aren't in
Orange, they cause trouble. I have seen poor homeless people collecting cans on
the side of the road, only to have their shopping carts stolen from them by Orange
people, cans and all.
Student life has now released a study explaining why Orange is such a
disgrace. Over 60% of people living in Orange are stupid. The average freshman
mid-term is 188.8.131.52!!! How stupid do you have to be to flunk Freshman
S.A.G.E.? The essays are all opinion questions!
Admittedly, not all of this is the Orange peoples' fault. The administration
pursued an unwise course, decreasing the number of intrusive actions, with
predictable results to general wellness. Now the dean claims that Orange residents'
behavior, drinking and destroying furniture in their ofif-hours, has caused them to
Restoring the furniture in Orange to full health will not make the people
Uvmg there any smarter, just as breaking a sadist's needle-nose pliers will not make
him a better person. There are two types of people in the world, the stupid and
irresponsible and the smart and responsible. However, the resnons^hle 7 18 GP A
task ^ ^ ^xpect the few responsible people in Orange to rise to this
betterment ^ w through no fault of their own, cannot undertake the
asvlum tn Ph'1 tT” ' ^ people, I beg you to submit a vwitten request for
asylum to Phil Barrineau. Then you will be moved to a better place.
^ 7 c
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