Newspapers / The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, … / Jan. 1, 1917, edition 1 / Page 2
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The Fool-Ililler & Purest Periodical of ffhrtlfns Thought PUBLISHED KOHTHLY. I AMES L. PEARSON, . . Editor Boomer, . North Carolina. One year to your heart , 25 cents Cn clubs of Five or More . ' 15 cents ICanadian rate, 25c. a year la clubs) Entered as second-class matter Search 3, 1916, at the postoffice at Boomer, N. C, under the act of garch 3, 1879. TAKE NOTICE. Do not send postage stamps on sub scription. Remittances should be made by fogistered letter, express or postofflce saoney order. Be careful to write your own name and address plainly, and direct all letters and make all orders payable THE FOOL KHXEB, Sooner, ... North Carolina. Let Us Talk It Over Well, dear sinner friends, this ! ffhe Fool Killer. How does it set on your stomach? If you like it, you can .get more at headquarters. The Fool-Killer is not even a forty Eleventh cousin to any. other paper on Hxth. It stands in a class by Itself, and Ha field is as broad as the English language. This paper wears no bell, muzsle dollar or halter. Tou can put that down to start 3Slth. TT I am the fellow that works at the frump-handle on this pungent period ical of thrilling thought. I print only what I write; I write only what I think; and I think what 1 floggon jlease. I own this entire establishment, and Itockfeller isnt rich enough to Jfeny on share of it. Does that sound strange? Well, bless your soul, I am a great &cal richer than old John. I neyer traveled any to speak of, but hare read a great deal and have Skunk some. And then I started The Fool-Kill-fcr Just to quiet my nerves and keep the old press from getting rusty. From the seclusion of these wooded kills there will go forth each month a bundle of literary dynamite that will fhake the rotten foundations of socie ty and cause the Church of Mammon at least turn over in its sleep. The Fool-Killer is a monthly Mus-tard-plaster for the blood toils of So ciety, Church and State. It is salted with wit, peppered with Jtamor and seasoned with sarcasm. Every line cuts like a whip, and srery word raises a blister, I&Vou are a fool you had better not subscribe for The Fool-Killer. If you are wise you will. And so that settles It STATE HE JTT. Of the ownership, management, cir culation, etc., required by the act of Aug. 24, 1912, of The Fool-Killer, pub lished monthly at Boomer, N. C., for Oct., lSlft, Editor, James L. Pearson, Boomer, N. C. Managing Editor, James L. Pearson, Boomer, N. C. Bus. Mgr., James L. Pearson, Boomer, N. C. Publisher, James I Pearson. Boomer, Sole Owner, James L. Pearson, Boom- T N C (Signed) JAUEO I PEARSON, 8. Pub. and Owner. Sworn, to and subscribed before saa, this the 9th day of October, 1916. W. R. HUBBARD, Notary Public. My Onmffltioa exptreor Jan. CS, W18, n FOOIJIIIJJID PARAGRAPHS. One man can hang a jury, but it takes a jury to hang one man. Every man acts a lot moreJies than he tells. Some bare-faced Ees are old enough to wear a full beard. Cupid is, an excelent shot, but he often bags some mighty poor game. Every woman would be happy if she could get feet to fit her shoes. No man ought to get married until he is old enough to know better. Some men marry widows be cause they are too lazy to do the courting themselves. When everybody knows just how a thing should be done, it is hever done. The man who has no enemies may be good, but nobody seems to know what he is good for. A man generally wears his first dress suit about as awkwardly as he handles his first baby. Some women would object to the millenium if it should come on a wash day. They say a woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. It ought to be she changes it oftener. The only thing you can depend on in this world is that people will certainly talk about each other. Every other rule changes. There are two periods in a man's life when he is unable to understand a woman. One is be fore marriage, and the other after. He Went. If any of the nice young ladies who read The Fool-Killer are troubled with beaus who stay too long when they come a-courtin', the following true story may give them a useful hint. A certain young lady, in this community had a " feller ' ' who was in the habit of calling at her home six nights in the week and staying so late that he -became a nuisance. One night not long ago, after the clock had struck eleven, she gave him a pencil and a piece of paper and told . him to make eleven ciphers in a straight line. He did so. Then she told him to draw a perpendicular line down from the right side of the first and a line up from the right side of the fourth, down on the right side of the fifth, up on the right side of the seventh and eighth, and down from the right side of the tenth, all these up and down lines to be about half-an-inch long. Then she told him to read what he had written! The hint was most startling, and the young fellow has nt been there since. PRIZE CONTEST! Prize Contests are the order of the day, and The Fool-Killer is not going to be left behind. So I have decided to announce in the February issue the beginning of a Great Subscription Contest which will run for .Six Months, and in which several Valuable Prizes will be given away to the persons sending in the largest number of subscriptions. The Prize3 will be strictly high class and very valuable, and somebody is going to getjthem for a few days' work taking subscriptions for The Fool-Killer. All clubs mailed on and after the first day of February will count on the Contest. The complete plan will be announced in the February issue. Look out for it! And if you would like to join in the Con test, send me your name right now and let me send you some extra copies of the February I ner by the town glutton's ap issueas soon as it comes from f petite. When he got it limbered the press. . ) Please Renew. The subscription price of The Fool-Killer used to be ten cents a year in clubs of five or more; but when the paper trusty began to charge three prices for print paper it became necessary to raise the subscription price to fifteen cents in clubs. And the 40,000 names that I had put on at ten cents have been a great burden to carry through these "war-price" times, aid I had to lose cn them the very best I could do. The thne has now come to cut off several thousand of these ten cent names, which is a relief in one sense; but I don't want to lose any of these good friends; therefore I hope they will all renew at the "war price" (15 cents a year in clubs of five or more) and stay with me right along. Americana seldom praise each other. Abuse is the idea in this, country. It is not the good you are will ing to do, but the good you actual ly, do, that counts. Don't complain if the world doesn't suit you. The chances are that you don't suit the world, but it has to stand it. "When it's himself, a man says he has accepted a position; when it's about another man, he says he's found a job. Man is considered the 41 strong er vessel" probably because he holds almost a gallon of mean whiskey. January, mi MAN AND MEDICINE. Not long ago there came through our town one of these here doggon travelling medicine quacks, and he got permission from the town drunkard or some other high authority to hold forth on the streets and sell his great wonder-worker. It turned out to be another ' 'cure for baldness." They are very plentiful, you know, and the only thing wrong with them is that they have never been known to do the work. But what has that got to do with it? The speiler needs the cash and the public like to be humbugged. So let the band play and joy he un confined. The hair doctor was fully wound up when he climbed up on his cracker box, and it looked like he was never going to run down. Yes he did, too he ran down Other people's hair restorers and praised his own. It was guar anteed to make a beautiful heavy coat of hair grow on a billard ball between breakfast and din- up good, the salesman's tongue sounded like the exhaust from a twelve-cylinder automobile load ed with suffragettes and ninning away up hill. I never knew there was as many bald-headed people in the whole county as came crowding around there to get some of that medicine. And 1 had to get out a revised edition of my opinions as to the amount of money in circulation. The tax collector couldn't have got fifteen cents out of that crowd, to save him from the Old Scratch. But that swindler raked it in so fast it would make your head swim. It looked like bald heads and fat pocket-books were going to be out of fashion in our com munity right away if the medicine worked as well as it sold. I But all the time the swindler was selling his "hair-restorer" and taking in the cash, I noticed that he kept his hat on. Just to satisfy my own curiosity I slipped up behind him, grabbed his hat oil and flung it about twenty steps into the crowd. And there stood our hair-restorer man as bald as a turnip. He looked at the crowd. md the crowd looked at him, and it was nip and tuck which was chawed the wussest. But he didn't seH any more hair-restorer that day. Please give careful attention to the article about "COMFORT" on third tmge under the picture of Mrs. Pearson. You can't afford to ignore this very reasonable re quest from a sick woman whose life for many years ha been one long agony of suffering. Please send lier as many COMFORT subscriptions as you possibly can. Avery one will help toicard win ning the Prize that she is working for, and the Prize is something that will brighten her life and help tier toward getting well..
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
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Jan. 1, 1917, edition 1
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