The Rasp. (Raleigh, N.C.) /
June 26, 1841, edition 1 /
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JFe speak plain facts Give tar, O! world!
RALEIGH, N. C. JUIfE 26, 1841.
TERMS OF THE RASP.
The RASP is published every Satur
day, at One Dollar and Fifty Cents
per annum, payable (jp in advance.
Advertisements will be insert
ed in the Rasp', at the reduced price
of 'fifty cents per square for the first
insertion,, and twenty five for each
F&ur Funny Fellows. Theo. Cib
ler, in company with three others,
made an excursion. Theo. had a
false, set of teeth a second a glass
eye-a third a cork leg-but the fourth
had no particular failing excepting a
remarkable way of shaking his head.
They travelled in a post coach and
while on the first stage, after each
had made merry wjth his neighbour's
infirmity, that at every eating place,
they would affect the same singulari
ty. When they came to breakfast
they were all to squint-r-and language
cannot express how admirably ihey
squinted for they went one degree
beyond the superlative At dinner
they all appeared tof have Cork legs,
and their stumping. about made more
diversion than they nad done at break
fast. At tea they were all deaf; but,
at supper which was at the Ship at
Dover, each man resumed his charac
ter, the better to play his part in the
farce they had concerted among them.
When they were ready o go to bed,
Cibber cried out to the waiter, Hcrc
yon fellow take out my teeth!' Tcetb,
Sir said the man. Aye, teeth, Sir.
Unscrew the wire, and they'll all out
together.' After some hesitation the
man did as he was ordered This
was no sooner performed, than the
second, called out here you! take
out my eye!' Sir said the waiter,
your eye?' Yes my eye. Come
here you stupid dog pull up that eye
lid, and it will come out quick enough.'
This done the third cried out, Here
you rascal, take off my log.' ' This
lie did with less reluctance being be
fore apprized that it was cork; and
also conceiving that it would be his
last job. He was however, mistaken:
the fourth watched his opportunity,
whilst the frighted waiter was survey
ing with rueful countenance, the eye,
teeth, and leg lying on the tabje,cried
out in a frightful hollow voice, 'Come
here, Sir, take offmy head. Turning
round, and seeing the man's head
shake like that of mandarin upon a
phimney piece, he darted out of the
room and after tumbling headlong
down stairs, he ran madly about' the
house as if terrified out of his sens
A Candid Admission. I am not an
Irishman myself,' said a stump ora
tor recently, while harranguing aJ
p ditical meeting in the West, where
the majority of hearers were Irish
men I am not an Irishman myself,
I say, but I can safely assert that gay
ancestors, on both the paternal and
maternal side, were extremely partial
to the Irish character. Indeed, I can
go so far as to say that I had an aunt
who was extremely fond of Irish pota
Ah Englishman at Brussels has dis
covered a mode of casting iron, so
that it flows from the furnace pure
steel, better than the best cast steel
in England, and almost equal to that
which has undergone the process of
beating. The cost of this steel is only
a farthing per lb. greater than that
of cast iron. Mining Journal.
Fig vs. Pork. A curious trial
came off at the New Criminal Court,
London, June 13th. James Matthews
was tried on an indictment for stealing
a pig. After the case for the prose
cution was made out, a female ac
quaintance of Matthews swore that a
man named Gwinn, borrowed of her
a knife, with which he said he was
going to kill one of old Jame's (com
plainant's) pigs. He returned the
knife soonafter, which was all bloody.
Defendant showed from other circum
stances that the pig was actually kill
ed by another person before it was
carried off. He was acquitted on the
ground that the property .stottii was
pork, and not a pig. The court-how
ever, ordered him into custody, in case
another indictment should be prefer
red, and issued a warrant for the ar
rest of Gwinn. J
He who thinks no man above him
but for his virtue, hone below him but
for his vice, can never be obsequious
or assuming in a wrong place, but
will trequentiy emulate men m sta
tions below him and pity those above
his .head. -
While a number of lawyers andi
hianllni. ... .1 , nr I
cjcinic ncn were uiuing ai vv iscasset, i
a few years since, a jolly soul from
the Emerald Isle appeard and called
foe a dinner. The landlord told him
he should dine, when the gentlemen
were done. Let him crowd in amone:
us whispered a limb of the law, (Al-ber-mjth,we
believe,) and we will
havi some fun with bim. The Irish
man took his seat at the table.
'iTou were not born in this country,
Nb, sir, I was born, in Ireland.'
'Is your father living?'
-fKo, sir, he is dead.'
What is your occupation?'
A horse jockey, sir
What was yout father's occupa
Trading horses, sir.'
Did your father rheat any one
I suppose he did cheat many, sir.'
'Where do you suppose he went
To heaven, sir.'
And wbaf do you suppose he is do
Trading horses, sir.'
Has he cheatecf any one there?'
He cheated one, I believe, sir.'
Why did they not prosecute him?'
Because they searched the whole
kingdom of Heaven, and couldn't find
There is a lady in Connecticut, so
learned that the beaux when they
call, are obliged to carry a volume of
Webster's quarto dictionary,, under
eacl arm, and a library of general
knowledge' in each pocket.
ivla what does cousjn John hug
sister Bridge so for?'
La, Simon, you have such eyes-
he's only a courting her, my child.'
Golly gracious, Ma don't he
court her hard though?' i
Simon, do hush!
Many a man may justly thank his
talent for his rankj but no man has
ever been able to return the compli
ment, by thanking his rank for his
f hat word makes you sick if you
leave out one of the letters? Mu-sick.
A simple girl endeavors to recom
mend herself by the exhibition of friv
olous accomplishments, and mawkish
sentiment which is as shallow as her
mind. . '
A good girl always respects herself,
and therefore always possesses the re
spect of others.
A wise girl will always win a sen
sible lover by practising those .virtues
whichsecure admiration when person
al charms have failed.
The agent of Brandreth's pills in
St. Louis, has taken his position next
door to a con-maker's.
Why is molasses andy like a horse?
Because the more you lick it the faster
, Its all in my eye,' as the needle re
marked to the thread.
As cucumbers are preserved in vin
egar, so do many preserve their repu
tation for piety by maintaining a sour
kem r tSlick on smoking. The mo
ment a man takes a pipe he becomes
a philosopher- it is a poor jnan's
friend it calms the mind, soothes the
temper, and makes a man patient un
der trouble. It has made more good
men, good husbands, kind masters,
indulgent fathers, and honest fellers,
than any other blessed thing in this
The best bargain that a young
man can make is for a good wile; and
as good rules work both ways, the
best bargain a woman can make is, of
necessity for a good husband. The
wife and the husband form the best
stock in trade with which to enter in,
to life life being only a series of bar
gains for happiness. And if by any
chance and we learn (from others,
not our experience get a bad wife,or
a woman to pick up a bad husband
the only way is to make the best of a
bad bargain There is nothing so
bad, that wTe can not make it better by
endeavors properly directed.
The useless animal. Dr. Webster
defines a dandy in the following mart -ner:
In modern usage, a male of the
human species, who dresses himself
like a doll and carries his character
on his back.' Daodies about Raleigh ,
don't you think you arc slandered by
the Doctor? If you do, -we don't.
The Rasp. (Raleigh, N.C.)
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