Newspapers / The Rasp. (Raleigh, N.C.) / April 23, 1842, edition 1 / Page 2
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There is said to be a county in Virginia so poor that twenty farmers have to join milks to make pdrridge, which is then"so: thin that noth ing but pigs can see it. V The Abbe Malot, expressing a doubt to Ri chelieu how many masses would save a soul, the cardinal said 'Pooh! you're a blockhead! as many as it would'take snowballs to heat an oven.' jr. The manners of a man are the mirror which reflects his disposition and the feelings ot his mind. Sauvity of manners always stains friends moroseness engenders enmity. An 'affable address of course always pleases; but a surly response creates a prejudice and a dislike jwhich years cannot dissipate. A little learning is a dangerous thing,' as the schoolboy blubbered when he received se vere corporeal punishment for inattention to his lesson. 'You're ingrain,' remarked a miller to a heap of wheat. And 'you're a flowery subject,' was the prompt reply. 'Ours is a hard case,' as the mainspring said to the balance wheel, when for the first time they were enclosed in pinchbeck. 'In union'there is strength,' as the cayenne said to the black pepper box. 'Thjs caps the climax,' as the loafer said the first time in his life he put oa anew hat. There isman in thisfcity, whose angle of vision is so very oblique, that he cannot see straight-forward without looking round a cor ner. And a man in our neighborhood, whose ears are so long, that he uses them in hot weatlrer to fan himself. We once saw a mechanic, whose nose was so long and sharp, that he used it as a picklock. 'I bet you,' said Spear to Bamboozle, that you can't guess th;s,' Why is Dickens like a convicted traitor? Ah!ah! I. see you give ii up: because he has been drawn and quartered. A man being asked if he would like to live forever, replied, 'that considering the state of the times, and the weakness of the government he would not care about living more than half of it.' 'Deeper and deeper still,' as the man said Ven he fell into the quagmire. Wbatare you crying for?' asked Trap of a miser, who had witnessed an execution lately 'That's one of my suspended debts,1 replied the man. 'That fellow you see with his neck broke,; owed me fifty dollars.3 1X3" There is a girl down East, who sings so sweetly that her mouth has been taken for a sugar plantation. The Highland Democrat has a bit in its po etical corner, headed 'She is dressed for the Bridle.' Of course, then, she had on her har ness. That's hooked. It is believed by some that the :fowl fiend Fibbertigibbet,' spoken of" by Shakespeare, was a certain demon who stole poultry and other chickens. We know a man who declares that he knows that his nose knows more than his neighbor's nose knows. Man never becomes a member of society un til he is married; unmarried, he is looked upon with distrust. He has no home, no abiding place, no anchor to hold him fast, but is a piece of float wood on the great tide ot time. His interest,!? not with society, farther than the ac complishment f some selfish object is con cerned. He who triumphs over a woman, would over a man, if he durst. He only proves by doing eo that he is both a fool and a coward. CHAPTER ON RIDDLES. I (Wbittev for The Rasp.) Finding out riddles, isthe same kiild of ex ercise to the mind, which running, leaping and wrestling, are to the body. They are of no use in themselves they are not work, but mere play, they prepare the body, and make it alert and active lor any thing it may be called to perform, especially if they aie good, give quickness of thoughts, and a facility of turning about a problem every way, and viewing it in every possible light. When Archimedes, com ing out of the bath,cried in transports, 'eureka!1 ( havp nnnH nH he had been exercising nis mind precisely in the same manner as you would do when you are searching about for the solution of a riddle. Riddles are of high antiquity, and were the employment of grave men formerly. The first riddle that we have on record, was proposed by Sampson, at a wedding feast to the young men of the Philis tines, who were invited upon the occasion. The feast lasted seven days, and if they found it out within the seven days, Sampson was to give them thirty suits of clothes, and thirty sheets; if they could not guess, they were to forfeit the same to, him. The riddle was, 'out of the eater came forth meat, and out of the strong came forth sweetness.' He had killed a lion, and left its carcass: on returning soon after, he found that a swarm of bees had made use of the skeleton as a hive, and it was full of honey comb. Struck wirh the oddness of th.e circumstance, he made a riddle of if. They puzzled about it the whole seven days, and would not have found it out, if his wife had not told them. The Sphinx was a great riddle maker. Ac cording to the fable, she was half woman and half lion. She lived near Thebes, and to every body that came, she proposed a riddle, and if they did not find it out, she devoured them. At length Edipus came, and she asked him, 'what is that animal which walks on four legs in the morning,two at noon, and three at night?' Edipus answered, 'Mm.' In childhood, which is in the morning of life, he crawls on his hands and feel; ia middle" age,which is noon,he walks on two; in old age he leans on a cruch, which serves as a supplementary third foot. The famous wise men of Greece did not dis dain to send puzzles tp each other. They were also fond of riddles in the East. T'aere i-s a pretty one in some of their tales, viz: 'What is that tree wkieh has twelve branches, and each branch thirty leaves, which are all black on the one side, and while on the other V The tree is the year; the branches the months; the leaves black on one side and white on the other, sig nify day and night. Our Anglo Saxon ancestors had riddles also, I some of which are still preserved in a very an cient manuscript. A riddle is the description of a thing without the name; but as it is meant to puzzle, it ap pears to belong to something else than what it really does, and often seems contradictory; but when you have guessed it, it appears very clear. A riddle is not verbal, as charades,con nundrums and rebusses; it may be translated into any language, which the others cannot. Addison would put them all in the class of false wit, but Swift, who was a great genius; highly amused himself by making all sorts of puzzles; and therefore think you wilf not be ashamed of reading them. It would be pretty entertainment for our young ladies and gentle men, occasionally to make a collection of the best ones, for many are so dull that they are not worth spending time' about. Let our young friends in their leisure moments, make an at tempt, and thus puzzle their companions by giving them suitable riddles, but never to tell them, until they have guessed them. - F. A. K n. Salem, Stokes County. " (Written for the Rasp.) T O M E D D L E RS . 3Tis almost impossible for the mind of man to conceive, or arrive at any conclusion, with what bitter contempt these hangers-on to soci ety should be treated. A meddler! what name more base! what more vile, more worthless to the good morals of a com m unity , than to be forever troubled with the wily gab of such as make it their business to loaf about the streets, in order that may fiod out something new to pop into the ear of the first passer-by! Oh! with what repugnance should the calumniating meddler be looked upon ! But, is this com munity free from all such? Alas! no. I, my self, know raany and were d disposed, couid hold-up to your view, a picture that would shock humanity.- But suffice it, that I know a young man who has felt, and bitterly. felt, the evil eflects of these pests upon society, these demons in human shape, one on whom false hood and calumny have been heaped with a malignity and, bastness that passes all human, understanding on whom the shafts of their venom and their spleen have fallen with, alas, too unerring an aim; and that how those who, although they are possessed with an abundance of worldly goods, are no more to be compared with the object of their dislike, in honesty and gentility; than are, the habits of the Condor, forever soaring above the peaks of the lofty Andes, to be compared with those of the Storm Petrel, forever hovering near the surface cf the element on whhj,h it lives and broods; both are men, but whatk the difference, the one is the noblest, the (jjirenthe lowest of the human spe cies. I will give you something more of this anon, but before I close, I would remind these officious meddlers that, "The Jewel, best enammelied, Will lose its beautyjand tho' gold!bides still, That others touch, y et often touching will Wear gold; and so no man, that hath a name, But falsehood and corruption doth it shame." SOTO. For tho Rasp. REFLECTIONS ON A RAINY SABBATH. 'Tis Sunday morn! All nature is clad in the beautiful habiliments of Spring. Yei, the sad silence of the warbler of the grove, beto ken the absence of the Sun. The very hea vens stem hung with heavy draperies of deep mourning. Steady showers are distilling from the skies, and where the water falls first upon the thick foliage of the trees, it causes their boughs to droop and bend,shedding as it were, laige tears on the earth, which has already been drenched, until it can swallow no more. But it remains upon the surface, like the big tear of sympaihy sent from the noble heart, begotten by kindred feelings. It fills the eye to the brim, but unlike oiher tears, it does not immediately fall, but remains until the eyes seem to enlarge themselves for its accommo dation, gaining from it new softnesSjit becomes contagious the smile has left the lip. No contemptuous curve can be seen there, but they are drawn more closely together, and pressed to hide the quiver which may be seen despite the effort to cor.ceal it. The whole system is rtffectedjthe head descends from its lofty bear ing, and is drawn towards the heart that pio duced the revolution in the feelings. His frame trembles, his bosom heaves with, pity; his heart has swollen to its fullest extent its language is, 'Can I soothe the pain ? can I pluck the sting can I avert the impending danger can I do any thing to alleviate the sufferings of my fellow mortals, and make them wiser, better, or happier in this world, and better prepared for the next?' In such a state of mind, and when thinking, feeling and acting under the impulse of such emotions, a man may be truly said to resemble his Savior. JUDAS. Warrenton, April 17. 'If you know'd who was near you, you would change, your tune,' as the hawk remarked to himself, with a cheerful chuckle, when ne heard Robin Redbreast singing round the cor ner. Don't you do it. When a petulent individ ual observes to you, 'You'd belter eat me up, hadn't you?' don't you do it. When a clique of warm friends want you to start a paper toforward a particular set of views, and promising vou large quantities of foitune and fami to be gained ia the undertaking don't you do it. A Pair of them. There is a man ia Plea sant street, Boston, so sharp that he has only to lather himself arid look in the glass he never needs a razor to shave with. And an other so dull ihat hid wife has to strap him every morning. A dig-nifted occupation hoe-iug potatoes. INQUiSITIVENESS. A well known civic wag, at a late period of political excitement,' maintained a defensive colloquy with a rustic inquisitive, which could hardly have been excelled by any Transatlan tic performer. In tiavelling post, he was o bliged to stop a: a village to replace a horse's snoe, when the Paul Pry of the place bustled up to the earriage window, and, without wait ing for the ceremony of introduction, exclaim ed' 'Good morning, sir horse cast a shce,.;I see I suppose sir, you be going to ' 5 Here he paused, expecting the name of the place to be supplied; but the citizen answered, 'You are quite right, sir; 1 generally go there at this season-' Ay hum do ye? and no doubt you be come now from ' 'Right again sir; I live there.' 'Oh, ay, do ye ? But I see it be a London shay? Pray, sir, is there anything stirring in London?' 'Yes; plenty of ether chaises, and carriages of all sons.' 'Ay, ay, of course; but what de folks say?' 'Their prayers every Sunday.' 'That is not what I mean ; I wish to know whether there is any thing new and fresh?' 'Yes, bread and herrings.' 'Aaan! ycu be a queer chap. Pray, Muster, may I ak your name?' Fcois and clowns call me 'muster,' but I am, in reality,one of the fregs of Aristophanes, and my genuine name is Brekekekex Koax. Drive on postilion.' The spring election is close by, and the spouters du both sides are sucking Pease's can dy and Sherman's lozenges to get their lungs in order. Here is a sample of a speech it answers as well for one party as the other: 'Mr. Chairman, if John Smith and JohnJones, our candidates tor constables, are not elected, the whole country is in danger, (cheers.) Yes, fellow citizens, 1 say it solemnly, the whole countrv is lost. Who is John Smith? a natri ot, gentlemen, a patriot. He had a finger bit off in the List election, fighting for our party, (cheers.) besides losing his coattails and two shillings in pennies. John Jones is equally deserving support; he can play dominos like a knife, and bring up fifty voters. Fellow citi zens, I go for Smith and Jones Jones and Smi:h entirely to the death; you do the same, and future generations will bless you.' The orator descends amidst immense cheerin for Smith and Jones. 'A tight fit,' r - frog said when he stuck fast ia the snake's throat. The Lady and her Moff. A few eveninss ago, a well dressed female cartying a. muff, entered a grocer's shop in Mytongate, and ask ked for two pounds of the best tea. She was immediately furnished with it, and placing the parcel in her muff, appeared as if she was go ing to pay, when suddenly recollecting her self, she said she had to go a short distance further up the street, and would leave it till she returned. She then took a parcel from her muff of the same size as that which con tained the tea; wrapped in a paper bearing the name of the shopkeeper, and in every respect so closely resembling the genuine one, that no suspicion was entertained of a trick. As,how ever, she did not return, it was thought ad visable to restore the tea to the canister from which it had been taken; and, in doing this, it was discovered that the parcei left was filled with saw-dust. Hull Rockingham. Effects of 'Schnapps.1 Deacon Pequirk, a staunch temperance man, having accidentally swallowed a rousing tumbler of sin the other day, was asked how he felt after if. 'How did I feel V said he. 'Why I felt as if I were sitting on the roof of our meetiDg house, and every shingle was a jewsharp.' Not True. The report that government had employed a pack of wolves to chase the post-boys in Wisconsin, fur the purpose of ex pediting the mails. A political editor calls a cotemporary a soap boiler. The other retorted by denying the charge: but adds, that it is well known to the community that his opponent keeps a lie fac tory.
The Rasp. (Raleigh, N.C.)
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April 23, 1842, edition 1
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